Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be a tad upset by this?

15 replies

FarTooShy · 21/03/2009 20:49

I have a friend with a DC the same age as my DS. We see each other more for girly meet ups rather than meeting up with the kids. I frequently invite her around for her DC to play with my DS but she seems to prefer the girlie, DC free meet ups - fair enough, different friends for different things

However, she is having a themed party for her DC's birthday and was telling me about it via text and did not extend the invite to my DS

I am very hurt by this and so is DH and wondering why this is so? I mean fair enough to not invite DS but I would have just kept quiet about having a party, not tell me but not extend the invite

What do you think and how best to deal with it? I'm finding it hard to be polite and do the text/arranging next night out thing

OP posts:

EdwardBear · 21/03/2009 20:53

I can sort of see why she wouldnt invite your DS if he never see's her DS and they dont play together then it could just be that he's invited his own friends?
Perhaps she just see's you two as close friends who have fun together and you both just happen to have DCs similar age, rather than thinking the Dc's need to be linked together too?

Original poster

FarTooShy · 21/03/2009 20:59

Fair point..thing is, she always seems keen to get the DCs together, but it never materialises...and I'm starting to get a bit paranoid now.

She's always up for a night out so maybe its a case of different friends for different things...its hard though as I'm feeling that my DS isn't good enough for her DC iyswim?

OP posts:

Yunyun · 21/03/2009 21:13

Is her DC a DD?

Nabster · 21/03/2009 21:16

Maybe the invite is to follow?

Are you expected at the party?

Why not ask her why she doesn't want to meet up with the children?

Decide if girlie meet ups are enough for you.

Original poster

FarTooShy · 21/03/2009 21:19

Her DC is a DS so its not a gender issue

No invite to follow, I know its all sorted and the invites have been sent etc

Not sure I want to ask outright - don't like confrontation or upsetting people...would rather just tail it off

The night outs are nice but I'm not impressed with DS being left out like this - feel all protective - which is mad as he's not even aware of it but ykwim

Thats why posting on here to get some kind of perspective

OP posts:

Nabster · 21/03/2009 21:23

I think you have 3 choices.

1 - do nothing and carry on as now.
2- talk to her about why she doesn't seem to want to meet up with the children.
3 - stop returning her calls and let it fizzle out.

Flocci · 21/03/2009 21:24

I have a good friend and occasionally our kids play together but mostly we meet without them so we can have an uninterrupted chat. I would be surprised if she invited my dc's to her girl's party as they wouldn't know any of her friends and I wouldn't think of inviting her to their party either.

I am totally sensitive to the whole issue of not being invited to a party when it is a friend they see all the time and they are likely to feel left out, but that isn't the case here.

Sounds more like you mums are friends and you are assuming your kids should be just as good friends too, but why should they?

Original poster

FarTooShy · 21/03/2009 21:36

Yes I do see the points raised here.

I'm feeling though, that she doesn't seem keen for her DS to mix with mine...I've extended many invites to them and she says oh yes we must do that but then it never materialises and yet I know she does mix with other friends that have children

Maybe I'm being too sensitive..

OP posts:

Nabster · 21/03/2009 21:49

Offer again

She says, yes we must

You suggest a date and when she doesn't meet up just ask her why.

Original poster

FarTooShy · 21/03/2009 22:13

Mm...yes think I need to offer the invite one more time and see how it goes from there...

Not just yet though - am still smarting from the lack of invite for my PFB!

OP posts:

cat64 · 21/03/2009 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

FarTooShy · 21/03/2009 22:32

Pre school but would rather not say exact ages as I have a feeling she may dip into mnet now and then so am being cautious!

No, they won't be going to the same school so it could be that I guess.

Mind you, at pre school age, its not like they have set 'best friends' that they have to socialise with only is it...my DS is quite happy to meet new kids all the time

I'm probably reading too much into it!

OP posts:

cat64 · 21/03/2009 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 21/03/2009 22:41

I have a very good friend with a DS a month older than mine. My DS didn't get on with him from the moment they met when they were 3. I don't know how her DS felt, but I used to avoid meeting together. She is still a good friend today.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 21/03/2009 22:47

why don't you just stop flannelling around and ask her for heavens sake?

In my book, nothing wrong with saying nicely to her "i was just wondering if my ds has upset/been mean to/doesn't get on with your ds, in any way. If there is a problem with them not getting along, i'd like to know and try to sort it out. I'm wondering because we don't meet up with the kids very often".

then you will (hopefully, if she is an honest friend) find out what is going on in her head and what the situation is. Honestly, no point in you flailing around with a million paranoid scenarios in your mind when you can just ask!

Flip