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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Money issues.

29 replies

londonstill · 21/03/2009 19:32

Hi everyone,

Didnt quite know where to post but am having some real money issues.I recently spent all of our savings on a franchise that was an utter disaster.I am an intelligent wise woman who researched it so well but found it was all based on a lot of lies and so many hidden situations that I could never have foreseen.Anyway its all over now and has been for a few months but I am devastated and feel like such a failure.To my family and to myself.My self esteem is at an all time low.My husband is now working so hard just to keep us afloat and I just feel so stupid.I dont know what advice any of you may be able to provide but it is getting me into a very sad space and I just cant get on top again.

OP posts:

tessofthedurbervilles · 21/03/2009 19:39

There is no need to beat yourself up about this, you invested in what you considered to be a good business....if you hadn't you would have always wondered what if. You took a risk and tried something but it didn't work out....if it was dh you would be supporting him like he is you so please try to be kinder on yourself as beating yourself up is not going to change / solve anything.

salome64 · 21/03/2009 19:40

You were brave. It didn't work. Not your fault. The people who ripped you off should be exposed and shamed.

Original poster

londonstill · 21/03/2009 19:42

Thanks Tess and Salome,love both of your names by the way.

OP posts:

independiente · 21/03/2009 19:43

Hi there, sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself. It's very very possible to be intelligent, wise, etc and still make a decision that has massively negative consequences. Can totally understand your feelings. But in some part of your mind, you have to hang onto the fact that you actually had the guts to go for something - not everyone can do that. You checked out what you could, but in all situations you have to go on trust at some point. You just drew a short straw in that respect; life does do that sometimes. Give it time, don't be so hard on yourself.

fraggletits · 21/03/2009 19:45

you feel down now, but things will pick up and change. It'll all be ok in the end

salome64 · 21/03/2009 19:48

I do know how these things can profoundly shake your sense of self. have you had a chance to rant and rave in a safe place about it? Maybe a bit of counselling might help. I bet you try not to burden your family too much, but that can make you feel very sad and lonely. But I do so admire you for giving it a go.

independiente · 21/03/2009 19:57

I also admire you. I hope, when enough time has passed to regain your composure and confidence, you'll give something else a go.

Original poster

londonstill · 21/03/2009 20:00

Thankyou everyone,I go through it all everyday over in my mind but nothing seems to help.I am so grateful for my children and all the little things in my life.I am usually such a positive person and I thought this would be such a wonderful challenge but just feel incredibly stupid and angry at this woman for being so deceiving. I am embarassed and ashamed so No dont feel I can talk to anyone.I dont usually post but feel like I am at the end and need to focus,forgive myself and have some closure!You are all helping me so much.Anyone been in a similar position?

OP posts:

deste · 21/03/2009 20:03

Sometimes you have to put things down to experience, put it behind you and move on. That was just a past phase in your life and now you are moving on to the next. Keep you head high and go on from here. Good luck, you have nothing to feel ashamed about.

independiente · 21/03/2009 20:08

I haven't been in a similar position. But I would hope that, if I were, someone would remind me (and I would remind myself) that a) it wasn't my fault - I did nothing illegal, or wrong, or amoral. b) it is a terrible thing for a person to never trust anyone else, therefore any sane person is never immune to being deceived.
By all means, be utterly furious at the type of human being who can be so lacking in morality. But don't be ashamed to be a normally trusting person with decent values that you rightly expect others to have.

smudgethepuppydog · 21/03/2009 20:13

You are not a failure at all. Every day lots of good people watch their efforts to succeed fail, often through little or no fault of their own. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it might seem a long way off right now. I can safely say that because DH put blood, sweat and tears into his own business which failed years ago but slowly nd surely we have clawed, worked and dragged ourselves back up again.

independiente · 21/03/2009 20:14

You say you are normally a very positive person. So could you turn this around for yourself (and face off those feelings of shame) by writing an article/doing a talk along 'Watchdog' lines? Then you could exorcise those feelings, and potentially help others. (Sorry if you find that a rubbish idea - might not be helpful at all, but just a thought!)

salome64 · 21/03/2009 20:16

I thought that she should write one too! Would be fabulous for a money/consumer section of a paper.

Ronaldinhio · 21/03/2009 20:17

loads of businesses and franchises fail/
Dust yourself down and start again tis only money
You have your health, family, friends, wit and wisdom plus all the things you learned from the last venture
Next try will be better

Read Richard Branson's biog

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 21/03/2009 20:18

You are a brave person for trying to do what you did - you can hold your head up high.

Anita Roddick had 4 failed businesses before the Body Shop and Simon Cowell's been bankrupt. Richard Branson has 'failed' a dozen times.

What all of you have in common is that you are prepared to be brave and put yourself on the line for your family and your own achievement.

You are fucking special.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 21/03/2009 20:19

If it was based on lies do you think your money was obtained fraudulently?

independiente · 21/03/2009 20:19

Oh phew, not unanimously a rubbish idea at least! Londonstill, even if you don't submit the article - perhaps write one anyway, for the very act of getting it down on paper and out of your head.

salome64 · 21/03/2009 20:21

I'd be happy to have a look, and do any tweaking necessary if you did decide to go for publication.

Original poster

londonstill · 21/03/2009 20:21

No not a rubbish idea at all but she made us sign an agreement not to mention it to anyone re;other members/media etc..we did so because we wanted out and freedom from the crazy fees she was trying to get out of us.I do actually think of all the other woman signing up on a regular basis to her website,it is very enticing for Mums especially so please be very aware if anyone is thinking about starting their own business.

OP posts:

salome64 · 21/03/2009 20:24

well, NDA's and confidentiality aren't worth the paper they are printed on, especially is obtained under duress. But one way round that would be to sell the idea to a section editor, and be an anonymous source.

salome64 · 21/03/2009 20:24

I might have been a bit reckless there! but there are devious ways round them.

Original poster

londonstill · 21/03/2009 20:25

Oh thats great,will get RB's book and I am very fond of Anita Roddick and her principles.Already I am starting to feel a little lighter.You are all really very cool.

OP posts:

independiente · 21/03/2009 20:25

Yikes! I'm appalled (at this woman) and intrigued.... you can't tell us anymore...? (sorry, am exceedingly nosy).

Ronaldinhio · 21/03/2009 20:27

we are wise sages who admire entrepreneurs

Original poster

londonstill · 21/03/2009 20:30

Salome I really feel that writing to a section editor would be something I would like to do,it is very important to me that something is done on my part.There is two other ladies I know of that have lost an awful amount as well.If there was nothing to hide then why such a silly agreement I think?I am a fairly decent writer,any ideas on what paper/publication I could try??

OP posts:

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