in laws

[solanum]

If in laws want you to attend a celebration hundreds of miles from where you live(ieeveryone travels to this different location to stay)
that one
it should not be made"compulsory"to attend

it would have been polite andpractical to discuss in advance of makingany accommodation bookings to check if you are likely to beableto/want to attend

that if you do not want togo your opinion should be respected and that people should realise that not everyone is likely to have the same idea of what constitutes a "fun" gathering.If such a gathering was relatively convenient, did not involve costly and involved travel and accommodation bookings, that then maybe some one might attend even if they did not reallly weant to, but under the circumstances, you cannot expect everyone to turn up.

How can it be compulsory? What are they gonna do if you don't go, send the Social Committee Police round?

Tell thme to feck off you need more notice to put things in place, as SH said, what will they do if you dont attend?

If you dont wanna go dont go, your life, your decisions!

For a family gathering, I really think you should make the effort. How sad that you don't want to. They are your childrens grandparents after all.

Yes, they probably should have checked, and without knowing the reason for the gathering it is hard to determine whether or not they should have assumed your attendance.

I think YABU.

I didn't say it was grandparents trying to insist on attendance necessarily. Other in laws involved too.

"Making the effort" suggests thatI am just not bothering.No, I have very recently bothered "to make the effort"on a similar occasion with same people.The point is,should this be happening every year?

I agree,I'm not going to go to jail for not joiningin, but you knowhow rifts can form over such things. However, as I say, having made the effort already recently, I think it is fair to not be forced into another thing which is not at all easy, convenient or even enjoyable .

Also said in laws are near enough to arrange visits on a much less complicated basis, if they so desired. However, point is, they tend to like doing the big, grand "look at all my family" gatherings, but are less keen on the more casual, keeping in touch things,or the basic mucking in when practical help is needed, which I think reveals alot.

yanbu in resenting feeling obliged to go, but sometimes, as you hinted, it is not worth the hassle of being 'right' and not going. Keeping the peace is sometimes an over-riding concern (as long as it doesn't end up that you are a doormat to the in-laws long term).

We have a similar situation in January - except with my parents. They are having a 3 line whip event on a Sunday lunchtime 4 hours away from our house. I have to get home Sunday night for school the next morning, and really not looking forward to driving 4 hours on a Sunday evening, with 3 grumpy children in tow. But, it's got to be done, and the fall out if I refused far outweighs my inconvenience.

Just don't put yourself out all the time. Pick your battles. You don't want to come across as an unreasonable argumentative person.

My MIL wants me and DH to go to her graduation ceremony.

Which is in Aberdeen (we live in London).

And 4 days before I am due to give birth.

And she doesn't see this as an unreasonable request at all.

Sheesh.