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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that dh should have been a bit more considerate even if it was his birthday

20 replies

minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 08:30

arranged a night out for him last night at his favourite restaurant, table booked for 12 however he let me know last minute he'd invited all his work friends so had to somehow fit them in too last minute restaurant v obliging luckily.

I'm 15 weeks pg and still ill with morning sickness low blood pressure, agreed to get up with dd (2.6) this am so he could have a lie in. Ledft the restaurant at11.10 pm (sorted the babysitter too, she had to be gone by 11.30 organised everything). He said he'd be home between 12.30 and 1.20 at the latest. Went home, now he knows I struggle to sleep when I'm waiting for him to come in and I've got bad insomnia anyway.

At 2.15 still not back, called him he turned up at 2.30 pissed out of his face, stinking of fags (which he's supposed to have given up) drunk incoherent with his brother clumping about. After I'd lost it with him ( I know it was his birthday but I thought 2.30 was taking the piss and we agreed that if he wants "big" night out he arranges to stay out so I can sleep and he doesn't disturb me and dd) finally got to sleep FUMING after 3.00am. Dd up at 0600am, feel like crying through tiredness, being a shit mother cos haven't got the energy to do anything with dd apart from let her wantch cbeebies.

I'm pg, exhausted, trying to do a masters degree, I went to a lot of effort (and saved up) to give dh a good party and I'm fed up with his bloody adolescent selfish behaviour getting so drunk, keeping me up and having FA consideration.

His excuse? "I didn't realise the pub had extended opening hours so we jsut stayed".

Was supposed to be doing breakfast in bed for him but he can go jump. Whe he's up feel like packing my bags and going to parents for the weekend just to get some sleep.

So much for a nice mothers day tomorrow, I'm so F**king upset and angry.

AIBU?

OP posts:
purepurple · 21/03/2009 08:35

you are being so unreasonable!

it was his birthday, for gawd's sake

everyone needs to let off steam once in a while

at least now, he will feel all sheepish and guilty and will try to make it up to you

milk it for all it's worth

Nabster · 21/03/2009 08:38

YABU a bit.

If you can't sleep without him there why say he has to stay out? Why not just tell yourself he is staying out and go off to sleep?

Surely he is allowed a night out for his birthday?

mylifemykids · 21/03/2009 08:41

YABU. It was his birthday! I think it's more your lack of sleep making you upset rather than his 'behaviour'. I'd sympathise with sleep deprevation more than him being drunk TBH!

minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 08:41

happy for him to let of steam but NOT to keep me awake, if he wanted to go on a bender after I'd left the restaurant then fine, but he should have arranged to stay at his mates, I need to sleep FFS, we're all just gping to have a shit day me exhauted (and sick, the tiredness makes my ms worse) and hi irritable with a stinking hangover.

I've got months of sleeplessness to look forwrad to in september when dc 2 is born!

He's 37 BTW too, old enough to have some self-control IMO

OP posts:
minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 08:45

It's not that simple when you've got chonis insomnia Nabster and believe I've treid anything because I know how much this sleep problem effects the whole family.

If I wasn't pg prob wouldn't be as bothered TBH, and if I ever have a big night I arrange to stay at sisters/friends so everyone can relax, it's just what we do in our house.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 21/03/2009 08:48

Have you got anyone who can take dd out for a few hours so you can go back to bed?

purepurple · 21/03/2009 08:50

let it go

the last thing you need at the moment is an arguement
So he acted like a dick. You have told him so. End of.

Can you not arrange for him to take DD out so you can sleep this afternoon?

minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 08:51

no, lovemygirls but good suggestion, don't want to go back to bed with him in it anyway will just be fuming and not able to sleep and sick cos of smell of stale fags and booze.

Him and his brother have left a mess downstairs too which I'll no doubt have to clean later as we have a viewing from a potential buyer.

OP posts:
minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 08:54

he'll be taking over as soon as he emerges believe me, don't give a S**t how ill he feels, and if he doesn't take her out to keep noise down I'm off to parents get some peace and quiet, uninterrupted

OP posts:
purepurple · 21/03/2009 09:00

go now, get ready and take your daughter

leave the mess to your DH

ask your parents to look after DD while you rest at their house

while I think he is entitled to get rat arsed on his birthday, it is not his birthday today so leave him to suffer the consequences

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 21/03/2009 09:01

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ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 21/03/2009 09:05

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minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 09:05

if I wasn't pg, didn't have my masters dissertation to write, it would be different.

I'd put up with being tired and look forward to a lie-in tomorrow. Didn't mind him staying out for a bit but he took the piss. AApart from his borderline alcoholic pisshead mate everyone left at the same time as me because they were a bit drunk, tired and had things to do today.

Like i siad no objection to him staying out all night in a club somewhere but stay at his mates.

OP posts:
Idrankthechristmasspirits · 21/03/2009 09:11

Why did he take the piss, does he have a curfew??

I understand how horrid insomnia is by the way, i suffer from it myselfand you do end up feeling as you're on another planet.
But it was his birthday, it sounds as if things might be a little tense in your house anyway at the moment if you have been feeling ill plus insomnia plus masters for a while so i would suspect he was having a break and letting off steam.

abbierhodes · 21/03/2009 09:12

I think you need to go for a walk with DD and calm down. When you get back, wake him up, and do something nice together...go out for breakfast or something.
YANBU to be tired and pissed off.
He is NBU to get pissed on his birhtday.
No one's in the wrong here, so try to make the best of it and have a nice day. Perhaps he can take over with DD while you have a nice siesta this afternoon.

(And btw, I feel sorry for your DD! My Dad's birhtday was yesterday and it always falls so close to Mother's Day!!! V. expensive time of year when she's older!)

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 21/03/2009 09:14

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purepurple · 21/03/2009 09:16

are you just a little bit jealous that you couldn't get drunk too?

minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 09:23

No not jealous, I don't mind a few drinks and a laugh but not full on pissed I just find it irritating. I'm happy to be out in a resturant (although i draw the line at pubs) not drinking til quite late.

I don get a bit annoyed with everyone shout talking and talking shit whther i've had a drink or not.

I said as i was leaving "are you planning on a big one or home soon?" " home soon" was the answer. And yes I expect him to stick to that.

He gets plenty of opportunity to "let off steam" BTW, goes out every Friday with his mates after badminton and last saturday was out il 400am after watching the boxing. I don't mind!! But I do expect bit of mutual respect and for him not to take the piss.

OP posts:
anastaisia · 21/03/2009 09:40

I don't think you're BU. It sounds as though you and DH had different expectations about how the night would go; I get the feeling you were thinking more along the lines of a nice family and friends celebration than a big night out. I imagine I might feel a bit that DH would rather have carried on the night without me than come home as a together if that was what was planned.

At the same time it doesn't sound like he's done anything really 'wrong'. Other than being pretty inconsiderate about coming in.

I think you should let it go because there isn't anything you can do about it now.

Take DD out, leave a nice note for DH to say that you've gone out for a while to let him sleep in peace, and you'll really appriciate him letting you catch up on yours tonight/tomorrow. Take DD somewhere that she can run around and tire herself out, while you only have to do a minimal amount (park?). Pick up either a takeaway or something really easy for dinner and then let it drop for the rest of the weekend.

Tell DH you need to arrange a few clear periods of time when he has DD so you can get your dissertation done, and book them in now.

Then at another time perhaps next time DH will be going out, without bringing up specific incidents just remind DH that you need to know his plans because you need to plan around him if you're the one at home.

SerendipitousHarlot · 21/03/2009 09:49

I think you're BU. It was his birthday. I go out every 2 months and get hammered - we all need to let off steam sometimes.

He is an adult. I would be very annoyed if my dh told me what time to be home!

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