AIBU to be geting nervous about becoming a MIL

[mumeeee]

DD1 21 is getting married on Saturdat 28th March. I'm getting a bit nervous about being a MIL especially as a lot of people on here don't seem to like their MIL very much.

I liked my MIL, she was the voice of reason but unfortunately passed away.

you'll be fine, don't worry! There are lots of people here that like their MIL's too (I do)... it's just that people spend less time writing AIBU's about how much they like things than how much they dislike them!

well it's your daughter getting married so you should be fine.

It's usually when a son gets married that the sons wife and mother clash.

I like my MIL, at the moment I feel more comfortable around her than I do my own Mum. If you are not an interfering PITA you'll be fine.

Don't worry. I think those of us who have good relationships with our MIL's just don't shout about it like those who have ishoos with their MIL.

Like 100years says, if you are a nice person you will be a nice MIL

YANBU I feel sorry for MILs.

My SIL really hates my mum with a venom and she has some cause to in some ways. BUT...I see it through my mum's eyes and overall I tend to think my mum has suffered the worst. I don't deny many mumsnetters will be faultless and their MIL is genuinely the devil incarnate but there are many women who focus on all their MIL's faults and none of their own. MILs are mums too with far more life experience and tragedies of their own.

I dread my son getting married. I just hope and pray he picks a girl with a broad mind and none of the spiteful attitudes I read on here.

Anecdotally I think it's more often daughter in laws and mother in laws who have the hardest relationships, despite the jokes of older comedians, which maybe reflected an era when extended families still routinely lived together in the same home.

I like my MIL.

If you want your SIL to like you then he will.

I love my MIL. And I agree, if your a nice person and understand that your daughter and SIL are creating a new family and let them do so their way, then there will be no issues.

fairynuff you say you see your SIL's side, but do you really? In what way has your mum suffered?

And is it spiteful to resent things like not being able to have your own Mother's Day because MIL insists on always having it her own way?

Tee2072, my ex-SIL also had major 'issues' with my mother - sure Mum can be vaguely irritating, as can a lot of people in their own way, but she had got on fine with her before the kids were born, and Mum was incredibly careful not to interfere.

When Mum had breast cancer and was staying with me (which at the time was reasonably near my brother's) for a long weekend, we met up with them and the kids and SIL clung to the baby (probably around 9 months) the whole time, insisting 'he's tired, he needs me' - not a look in for anyone else; though she couldn't control the older one to quite the same extent. Mum couldn't buy them anything, as clothes would not be worn, toys would be put away, etc.... very unnecessary, really.

Heard my youngest brother, who is normally as laid back as they come, saying 'if anything happens to Mum and that woman has stopped her seeing her grandchildren, I will kill her.' - and sounding as though he meant it (they were the only grandchildren at the time).

It really isn't always the MIL.

(My MIL is lovely BTW)

Yup we just don't shout about our wonderful mils enough. If you search though there are threads singing their praises

here yougo I just did a quick search and this is the first one I came across

my mum adores dh - can't do enough for him - wish it was the same with his mum and me...!

My mil is fab! She does get on my nerves sometimes, but so does everyone. To be fair, she does far more for my family than my own mum.

DH and my mum get on great, in fact when Dh and I argue if he goes out to cool down he goes to my mums house lol.

I did get on with my MIL before DH and I got married. MIL and I had a wonderful relationship, something changed when DH and I got married. It was probably both of us who changed but MIL turned nasty, bitchy and generally horrible to me until I snapped a few years after the wedding. We now tolerate each other, I would love to have that relationship back that we once had but I don't think MIL will ever forgive me for marrying her son

But I do have to say on the whole MIL is okay. Step-FIL is another matter entirely.