Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate the way the role of motherhood is so belittled/devalued within our society?

26 replies

JeanPoole · 20/03/2009 20:35

and what can we actually do to change that?.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 20/03/2009 20:36

Is it?

Or do you mean the role of caring for children - by either parent?

ilovetochat · 20/03/2009 20:37

we cant change society's views but we can raise our children as best as we can and be proud of our roles.

JeanPoole · 20/03/2009 20:38

{love2 ive just sent you a message }

OP posts:
conniedescending · 20/03/2009 20:38

well I'm happy knowing I'm valued by family.....not sure why society have to acknowledge the amazing thing am doing (that millions of people do world wide every day) as well?

why do you need a fanfare????

ilovetochat · 20/03/2009 20:39

if i tell older people im a sahm they are happy for me and chat about it but if i tell other mothers they tend to want to stop talking or say they couldnt do it as they would be bored etc.

WaitingForVino · 20/03/2009 20:39

No you are NBU.

As to what you can do, well, all you CAN do is prove them wrong. Do a great job. Ask for feedback.

You will not get paid (though you should). You will not get benefits in lieu of money (ditto).

Tis the nature of mothering -- it's a helluva lot of work and you are not appreciated whatsoever, till one of your charming LOs grows up and realises what a fabulous mother you were.

(if anyone else has more hope here, please jump in)

edam · 20/03/2009 20:39

It's not called motherhood any more, it's parenting. Grrrr.

chocolatemummy · 20/03/2009 20:43

I think the role of motherhood is belittled as a 'side line', meaning you're expected to do a 'proper job' at the same time.
I also think that all this equality b***ks comes to nothing, if a child is ill or school is shut etc etc etc , its always the mum who has to take the day off work or cancel eveyrthing. And maternity leave is seen as a luxury or a 'problem' and not a right as it is suposed to be.

kalo12 · 20/03/2009 20:45

bringing up children well is such an important job and of course necessary for society. i think it should be acknowledged by society what a demanding job it is. starting with maternity and working conditions. i think flexible working hours should be available to all mothers/carers. i think the world of business should revolve around/ or at least operate harmoniously with bringing up children.
breast feeding should be advertised/promoted

TheFallenMadonna · 20/03/2009 20:46

No it isn't always the mother who has to do all those things.

lou222 · 20/03/2009 20:48

i don't think it is belittled or devalued at all and if it is i don't give a monkeys as i am happy being a mother

WaitingForVino · 20/03/2009 20:48

the key question is, how do you get business owners to take on the risk of hiring a female of childbirthing age, if there are loads of benefits about that will allow her to leave for years at a time and/or claim payments for nursery (ala France)?

solution: move to France (!)

ahfeckit · 20/03/2009 20:49

i'm a sahm like a few others on here, and i usually get 'you got any work lined up yet?' no actually, this is work to me! sadly some people just don't get it.

we do such a great job (it definately is a job!), not just raising our kids but also educating them about life along the way. i do miss my career but find parenting draining at times so not sure i could cope with another real job on top of being a sahm.

WaitingForVino · 20/03/2009 20:53

OK I just started working again after 3 years of bearing 2 children and raising them full time, SAHM style.

I know the situation will vary depending on the children and the job in question, but...

mothers work an awful lot harder than anyone else. Full stop.

There ought to be an award for them.

This whole "Oh my life is so hard, I have to work in an office" bit -- I just don't see it!

chocolatemummy · 20/03/2009 20:54

I am the first to admit that i could not be a sahm, I havent got the patience and enjoy work too much. I adore my child but need some me time to be the person I was before i was a mother. I admire those who can do it full time and do it properly. Although I do fel that after the first few years, once the child is at school the mother should do some work and make some contribution to the system I'm gonna get slaughtered ......

twinsetandpearls · 20/03/2009 20:55

I dont think it is right to day that mothers work a lot harder than everyone else stop, I know some lazy mothers. being a mother does not make you a saint

auntilin · 20/03/2009 20:56

motherhood/parenting is the hardest job we'll ever do.
I do think it is demised & unrecognised as such, our children are not valued, look at the low wages paid to nursery staff. I'd really like to work as a nursery nurse but the salary wouldn't support us.

twinsetandpearls · 20/03/2009 20:57

THere is an award/reward for having children - the children!

I have never felt devalued as a mother.

CKelpie · 20/03/2009 20:57

I don't and won't feel devalued. I receive respect as a parent from my family, friends and colleagues and I demand it from my bosses. More importantly, Ds says I am the best mum ever.

Belittled? Bollocks!

poshsinglemum · 20/03/2009 21:10

I agree with the op. I have a 9 month old dd and the other night my (childless) cousin phoned me up to enquire what exactly it was that I did all day as I was not back at work. Sigh.

Jackaroo · 20/03/2009 21:23

I think the thing that devalues it is constantly having to justify your existence. Everyone has to do it. If you can say you work in an office, there is a collective sigh of relief because it is a role that can be objectively/financially measured.

Motherhood (and, yes, I KNOW men do it too, but I'm guessing as a percentage it's so small that I can move on for a moment...) is so random, all consuming, ill defined, and exhausting that it cannot be fitted in a box. It's easier for those that don't do it to be dismissive because it's unfathomable until you're in it (and even then......).

Not sure what I'm trying to say, because I would love love love to be back at work full time, but can't at the moment.

and I know that part of that is that I would feel like a "real" person.

Just because privately I feel that what I'm doing is the most important thing in the world, doesn't mean that I don't buckle under the weight of other's opinions sometimes and consider myself a lesser person/worry that I should be able to spin more plates. But why the hell should I? I'm doing OK, DS is great, DH is very happy..

Oh stop reading, I'm delirious with sleep deprivation, and that's before the new one is even born. Thank god I'm lucky enough not to have to battle on with "work" too.

TheFallenMadonna · 20/03/2009 21:25

Ah, so by motherhood you do mean being a SAHM. As opposed to being a mother. I do feel rather belittled by that I think.

twinsetandpearls · 20/03/2009 21:35

I do not feel devalued as a mother, dont feel devalued as a working mother ( the only person who feels that is wrong or selfish is me) and as a SAHM I felt very supported and repsected.

Triggles · 20/03/2009 21:53

I have to agree with TFM on this. Motherhood is not defined by being a SAHM. And I am a SAHM, but have also been a fulltime juggling everything mum. As long as my family and I see the value, that's enough for me. Society in general's opinion isn't a huge concern for me on a daily level.

Jackaroo · 20/03/2009 22:12

TFM, not sure if you were aiming that at me? Truly, if that's what I said, I didn't mean to.

If you "at" work and are a mother, then you are workign even harder I think. That's what I meant about "Everyone has to justify their existence", but that people ACCEPT yoru answer if you're in an office, because they understand it.

Motherhood to me is being a mother, you don't stop being a mother just because you'r in a different place. And most women dont' stop thinking about their children/what comes next/what hasn't been done yet, just because they're in an office/on a production line/in a shop...

Sorry if I was so addled it sounded otherwise. I'm just going to go and have good cry now. I obviously can't get it right in type either.