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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to put my 2 year old son into Nursery yet?

32 replies

SarahL2 · 20/03/2009 14:37

I am very lucky to still be in contact with quite a few of the women I met at ante/post natal group. It's nice cause all of our kids are pretty much the same age - just turned 2 - and are doing the same sort of things.

Except, one by one, the kids all seem to be going to nursery for 2/3 mornings a week. One or two Mums are going back to work or doing courses so that makes sense but the others seem to be just because the Mum needs some time out.

Personally, I don't feel ready to put DS in nursery. We do loads of stuff during the week and see and interact with lots of other children so I don't feel he's missing out on that front (we usually only have 1 day a week where we're home all day). The only bonus seems to be that he would learn to accept being away from me and I'm not sure I like the sound of that yet.

AIBU or can he wait till he's 3 and gets his free hours to go to nursey?

OP posts:

bronze · 20/03/2009 14:39

Not BU at all though it may not just be because they need time out but because it may be benefitting their children.

poopscoop · 20/03/2009 14:39

YANBU - you start nursery when he is ready for it. If at all. Remember he does not have to be in education until the term after his 5th birthday. Which does not mean school either.

AMumInScotland · 20/03/2009 14:40

If you don't need to use a nursery, and don't want to use a nursery, then don't use a nursery. He's not missing out on anything, if he's getting chances to be with other children in your company.

Hawkmoth · 20/03/2009 14:40

My DD is 3 and not in nursery yet. I ballsed up the application for free hours starting in Jan! Then I rang a private nursery and was so outraged at their rules which mean you don't actually get any free time unless you top up to the tune of £40 a week that I simply CBA now.

BonsoirAnna · 20/03/2009 14:41

Three is fine for nursery. If you don't want your DS to go to nursery, don't send him yet.

Trinityrhino · 20/03/2009 14:43

just dont send him if you dont want to

at you coping

Original poster

SarahL2 · 20/03/2009 14:44

Thanks

Was beginning to think I was some desperate, clingy Mum who just couldn't let go...

OP posts:

mum23monkeys · 20/03/2009 14:47

YANBU.

My youngest has just turned 2 and we are a team. Drives me mad sometimes but I am not putting her in nursery for a few hours off.

We do tons together and with other people. There is nothing that she would gain from nursery that I am not giving her already.

My eldest went to nursery from 8 months when I went back to work. My second waited till he was 2 1/2 and this one will wait till she's 3.

sazzerbear · 20/03/2009 14:49

SarahL2, I felt just like you as a couple of my friends are doing exactly the same thing (we all have kids approaching 2). I have no intention of doing so as he has plenty of interaction with other kids and apart from anything else, as I am currently a SAHM, I can't really justify paying for nursery fees!

Gorionine · 20/03/2009 14:51

YANBU You do not havwe to do like the others if you are not comfortable with it!

FWIW none of my dcs went to nursery before they were 3. DD4 was born in November so I will have a choice to send her next January (after her 3rd birthday) or the following september(she will be nearly 4) and I am still unsure that I will start her in January, the time we spend with our DCs is never wasted IMO and as long as you do things with them wether it is a toddler group or going to the park and mix with other children they are not likely to be missing on anything.

screamingabdab · 20/03/2009 14:53

YANBU. Do what feels right for you.

2 is young for some children (and their parents)

My DS1 did go to playgroup at just over 2, one morning a week, and loved it. I sent him partly because I was pregnant with DS2.

seeker · 20/03/2009 14:54

He doesn't have to go to nursery or any sort of "outside the home" establishment until he gors to school in the academic year he turns 5.My dd didn't!

smee · 20/03/2009 14:55

YANBU, but then neither are they. Lots of people on here would admit they're better parents if they get a break. Do what's right for you and your son and ignore the rest.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 20/03/2009 15:03

I think I'd like to send him before he's 5. Mainly cause I like the idea of easing him into being away from home gently - doing a few mornings a week before he has to be there 5 full days a week at school

But for now, It's just the two of us, I'm not pregnant (which I think is a more than adequate excuse for some time out screamingabdab ) we're doing loads of things and I am a SAHM - so we could do with saving the money!

Just feeling like either he's missing out on something or I'm too clingy maybe...

OP posts:

seeker · 20/03/2009 15:09

And remember that he doesn't need to go to nursery to get him used to school - that's what Reception is for! He won't be doing full days for a while if you don't want him to.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 20/03/2009 15:14

Just want to clarify for smee - and my friends should they ever read this thread - that I don't think anyone is unreasonable for sending thier child to nursery for any reason at all as long as it makes them all happy.

I'm just wondering if I am being unreasonable for not wanting my DS to go yet...

OP posts:

friday32 · 20/03/2009 15:28

Each mum feels different bout this,as long as your both happy and he is interacting with children of his own age so he knows how to behave round them .sonds like you are doing a great job so dont feel any pressure to conform do it when you are both ready.

bubblagirl · 20/03/2009 15:34

i put my ds in at 2.6 for his own benefit for more structure etc as his speech wasnt developing but if i had my choice i would ahve waited but it didnt do him any harm and to be honest i did start to enjoy the little bit of me time to have my hair done etc

but do what is best for you that's all there doing if your happy then no your not being unreasonable at all

Original poster

SarahL2 · 20/03/2009 15:39

on an average week we...go to a special toddler group where they do singing and dancing (with about 50 other kids), go to the library for more singing and reading (again, at least 50 other kids) go swimming (class of 14), go to normal toddler group (room full of toys, mums with coffees etc) and go to an enormous indoor play center with 3 or 4 of his close friends who also do most of the other activities. Plus we play and read at home, go for walks in the park, went to a farm last week, go shopping...

That's better than nursery right?

OP posts:

LastTrainToNowhere · 20/03/2009 15:43

Don't worry too much about it. YANBU.

I work from home around my 2 yo's naps and she doesn't go to nursery. We have a very packed social life. We go to music classes, meet friends, go to parks and museums, and she interacts with other children very well on both one-to-one and group settings Her speech is coming on rapidly (I get a running commentary all day!). I definitely don't need a break from her as she is not very demanding and I enjoy being with her. I see no reason to send her to nursery, so I won't.

She will only go to the local nursery after 3 years (next Easter) and I'm happy with that arrangement.

mum23monkeys - I love the way you describe yourself and your daughter as "a team". That's exactly the way I feel about myself and my daughter (for better or for worse )

noddyholder · 20/03/2009 15:45

I didn't send my ds before he started reception in school.If you are coping and enjoying it why would you?It won't benefit him as much as being with you

LastTrainToNowhere · 20/03/2009 15:45

She will go to the local nursery after she's 3 years old, not after 3 years from now (obviously!)

Sorrento · 20/03/2009 15:46

SarahL2 there has been a lot of research that suggests boys in particular shouldn't go to nursery before the age of 3.
You know your child, send him when you are both ready and that may well be 4/5 only you know what's best for your family.

smee · 20/03/2009 15:49

SarahL2, sorry it was only the way you worded it ('...seem to be just because the Mum needs some time out.'). I read that as you disapproving of their choices.
I think you're totally sane doing what you're doing -I didn't send DS until he was 2.5 - it was only a couple of mornings a week, but actually looking back I wished I'd waited until he was 3. I do think it's a good idea to them to be somewhere for a bit before school, otherwise it can be a massive leap. I made the decision to do so wiht my son, because I still remember how scary starting school was and how much I cried at having to leave my mum. I wanted to avoid that for my son if I could, and doing a couple of days at nursery made a huge difference in easing his way into school. Depends on the individual child though.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 20/03/2009 16:07

You're right Smee, it was bad wording.

Happy parents make for happy kids and if parents need a few hours off to be happy then thats what's best for everyone, no matter what thier age...

OP posts:

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