AIBU to think it a little odd when they say 'I would have been married 40 years this year'

[DrNortherner]

when they are divorced?

My parents celebrate Ruby anniversar this weekend and so many people have said it even though they are divirced and have been for years!

Surely the point is my parents have been married that long, if you are divorced its a pointless statement no?

I can well understand saying that if you've been widowed, but agree it is bit strange for divorced people saying it.

I agree with Choccyp1q.

My Mum said this to me the other day about my real Dad, along the lines of, "it would have been 35 years this year."
Didn't think it was strange, I agree with TPT that I think it was more an expression of sadness.

A friend of MIL wanted to "celebrate" her 25 wedding anniversary to her late husband some 20 years after he died.

MIL persuaded her that her present husband might find it a bit weird. She remarried about 4 years after being widowed very young.

meant to add, different if she was thinking of celebrating it!! Mind you for me it is a great relief that they divorced, Real Dad is a prize idiot and step dad is a superstar

My mum is having a ruby tea party for her kettle this year - it was bought as a wedding present.

Her and my dad divorced 15 years ago - she isn't wistful about not being married it's more a statement of how well a kettle has lasted !!

lol poppy

my 1st dh and i had a bit of a family get together for what would have been our 25th, my dh was obviously included as was exdh partner, it was just a way of celebrating some history, getting old friends together etc, had a very nice time

I agree with Dr Northerner that it's odd.

My parents have been married 38 years and the other day a lady I know asked how many years they'd been married. When I told her she said 'it would have been that for me 1st time round' and I thought 'but it's not'. I think people maybe say it to show how long ago it was but I find it odd.

Surely you should celebrate your love/luck/good sense/stubborness that you've managed to stay married that long and not that you didn't?!

My Mum says this about her and my Dad who have been divorced since I was 1 year old (I am 30)

She has never been with anyone else and it still makes her sad. She is depressive anyway, but its important for her. She married him for life in her mind, was with him 12 years, had 2 children, and found out it wasnt for life after all. Its a major event in someones life.

She doesnt celebrate it or anything! God no. Perish the thought. But if we are on the phone relevant to the time of year or conversation or something she will say it. I dont see why she shouldnt. Its part of her lifes history isnt it. And her present.

What a bonkers thing to even notice, never mind find odd or or take offence at.

I hardly think anybody is 'celebrating' by casually mentioning that they too got married x years ago. I don't think they expect a card or congratulations, it's just an observation.

'Pointless statements' - isn't this what most everyday conversation is made up of?

Not if they didn't want to get divorced in first place and feel sad about what could have been.

YANBU

This drive me mad too

I want to say "BUT YOU HATED EACH OTHER, REMEMBER?"

AAARGH

Is it a pointless thing to say? Really?

Would you say the same to a bereaved parent who says "it would have been my son's 25th birthday today."

Would you honestly say, "yeah, it would have been, if he was still alive, but he's dead?"

thing is mp, not all of us do hate our ex dhs.

in my case we just realised we wanted differant things out of life, ie. i wanted dcs, he didn't , even after nearly 20 years we still care for each other, our respective families etc, so i guess what i'm trying to say is that is that it is not a 'pointless comment'

I think my Dad might have hated my Mum but not the other way around. Anyway who gives a shit what people say wrt it being pointless? Most of it is total drivel anyway. People have the right to mourn a marriage dying as much as a spouse dying. If someone expected paper, or gold, or silver presents on such years fair enough that is strange but really, are they supposed to erase their memory with the divorce papers?