to be concerned about the "career" advice my SIL is handing out to her kids

[bleh]

?
We were there the other day, and she said "If they want to study, they pay. I'm not giving them any money. I'd rather they bought a house with any money they get than an education".

Her children (and obviously, not a biased aunt at all, oh no) are intelligent and, if they so choose, should be encouraged to go to Uni. I worry that with their DM's barking attitude, they're not going to

TBH if they are intelligent, they are more likely to rebel and prove their mum wrong and go to uni anyway

but they could still go to uni as they could then take loans and pay them back at a favourable rate only when earning over the median wage.

And they would have made a financial decision for themselves.

Lots of parents can't afford to send their children to uni, doesn't necessarily mean they don't go.

Her money, her choice. If she wants to buy them a house how kind of her.

yabu

YANB(entirely)U.

By the time they reach that age they will rebel if necessary and make the decision for themselves, and fund themselves through uni - and if their parents can then help them with a house purchase then it will make paying back those loans easier.

OTOH, if they have that sort of attitude drummed into them and don't get the opposite at school then they will quite possibly not get that far as they won't place a value on education.

Saying they can't/won't support them financially is reasonable. Saying they won't support them in wanting to go would be.

couldn't they take loans out? My parents didn't contribute loads to my education.

I don't think bleh is compaining so much about the money than about the attitude that a university education is not really that valuable.

We are not intending to pay for the boy's university education. We both did ours by ourselves, got loans and worked crappy jobs while we were at it.

My parents probably would have helped if I had asked, but it didn't occur to me to do so.

We will encourage and support DS whether he decides to get a university education or not. As long as he is happy it doesn't matter.

I took out full loans and had a part-time job so it is possible.

There are other ways for her to encourage them in their education. Simply saying she's not paying for it doesn't automatically null the value of education.

Bet you're a lot younger than me then. My rent was £12 a week in 1989.

Having said that my friends son is at uni now and they don't support him, he manages fine - full loans, part-time job and a penchant for constant beans on toast

Blimey, Laurie, where were you? My rent was £50 a week in 1989

Newcastle, tis grim cheap up North

In a shared house with no heating, no double glazing and had the smallest single room(the slightly larger one was £16)

Universities want to put their fees up to £20K a year though, so it's quite a different kettle of fish from '89!

It's more the attitude I'm concerned about. it's a major bone of contention in her family: her parents refused to let her even consider going to uni, whereas paying for everything for her younger brother (long story) to now do a second degree. As someone who had been put in that position, I would have thought that she would be very encouraging of her children, should they want to go.

I worked all the way through uni, as I couldn't get loans and my parents couldn't afford it (another long story), and while I appreciate that I learnt a LOT from the experience, I did end up missing out on a lot and being chronically shattered (which no doubt affected my performance) because of it.

aaaah - mine was a grotty shared house with a faulty boiler and a massive gap at the bottom of the back door, but in Oxford.

(and the line you are looking for is 'nobbut one clog between t'three of us', I believe )

Laugs - the US-style fee model will only be tenable if it comes with US-style availability of scholarships, IMHO.

What sort of education did your sister have Bleh?

I remember a friend who's wealthy dad didn't want to fund her education in any way because he'd left school at 15 and he'd done okay. This was in the day of grants, but she couldn't get one because her dad was too rich. We all thought he was a prick.

Maybe she has her reasons, I don't know.
I need more information before I can decide if YABU

Everytime they put up their fees the government puts up the available loan though - the amount of fees is only a variable in how much debt you are prepared to get yourself into it doesn't make any difference while you are actually a student.

It's the maintenance loans that you are supposed to live off, and a question of how much the student is capable of topping it up by that needs looking at.

Anyway, I do think it's a bit off to be saying that kind of thing - yes, it's true degrees aren't 'worth' as much as they're used to, but that's not the only reason for doing them surely?? Not having the cash to pay out for it is fine, but to not support them emotionally is harsh.

I don't know the details, stealthsquiggle, but in the US you can only get scholarships if you're from a low income family, can't you?

Bleh's implied her SIL could afford to help out, so the kids might be caught out by having wealthy enough parents who refuse to help.

Well, SIL left school at 18 (which was the earliest leaving age there).

She then started studying part time and is now coming towards the end of a course, and talks about going on to do another one.

Not true, Laugs, judging from scholarships which I know the DC of colleagues have got. There are bursaries, which are means tested, and scholarships which are (or some are, at least) merit-based (academic or sporting, mostly).

Ok, I don't know. I just know friends in the US have left university with enormous debt.

Although going to a merit-based system of scholarships does seem to go against the idea of 50% of school leavers going on to higher education, doesn't it? Surely, it's just a different form of elitism.

bleh - It's not great but you'll have to just hope that the dc come across a range of views, put forward with equal strength and are able to make up their own minds. Which may mean them going to uni or not, as the case may be.

It's different because, in the main, I suppose most people encourage their dc down the uni route these days, especially since the old-style apprenticeship has been by-and-large replaced by self-funded degrees.

But I suppose she's no different from some didact who won't countenance any other future for their child than a university degree and a professional career afterwards.

I'm guessing it's the didacticism of her attitude, rather than the actual content that is really getting to you.