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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is ok to let a 2.8 yr old choose his own clothes?

26 replies

Ceebee74 · 19/03/2009 12:46

I am fed up of having the same argument with my mum about this.

She thinks that it is totally wrong that DS1 picks what he wants to wear each day and that he should wear what I tell him to (after all I am the parent )

I think that as he has such strong opinions I should encourage his independence and in the manner of 'choosing my battles' I think this is not a battle worth fighting.

Yes he does tend to choose the same top over and over again and yes there are things in his wardrobe which he hasn't worn but I still think if it is that important to him to choose his own then who am I to argue?

When I asked her at what age does she think it is acceptable to let a child choose what to wear, she said when they are old enough to buy it themselves

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 19/03/2009 12:54

YANBU - so long as you retain a veto for "health & safety" as a responsible parent! Life is too short and complicated to make a fight out of things you're not really bothered about. There'll be plenty of other things you have to insist on as he grows up, no point in making everything a battle for no reason.

Tee2072 · 19/03/2009 12:55

Did she choose your clothes until you were old enough to buy them?

She's being ridiculous, but you knew that!

zanz1bar · 19/03/2009 12:55

wtf, anything to make mornings easy.
DD spent last summer in a snow white dress even slept in it.
Maybe he has too many clothes in his wardrobe or is it that he is not seen wearing the items granny has bought often enough?

Alambil · 19/03/2009 12:55

I'm not sure if YABU or not... I'm stuck in the middle

It's nice to give them the chance to choose, but to keep the stuff that's not worn in the wardrobe until it's too small is wasteful is it not?

I'd get out 2 options and let him choose from them, so that you can rotate the clothes and use them all so they aren't wasted

Nabster · 19/03/2009 12:56

There are bigger things to stress about.

My DS2 has to sleep in the same top every afternoon. No biggy. Just bought 3 of them so there is always one clean and dry. Why make things more difficult for yourself?

willali · 19/03/2009 12:57

I think the only wearing 2 tops syndrome is a boy thing IME - you will learn not to buy too many clothes in future (it's great!!)

OrmIrian · 19/03/2009 12:57

You are quite right IMO. As long as what he chooses isn't going to let him freeze or broil. And even if that is the case he will learn.

From the mother of a 6 yr old who spent most of his pre-school years dressed as a tiger

ginnny · 19/03/2009 12:57

Well I've never let my dss choose their own clothes, because tbh they have no common sense. They would go out in shorts in the winter, wooly jumpers in the summer with their pants on their heads if I gave them control of their outfits . I do agree with your MIL about wearing the same clothes as they grow so fast at that age that it seems a waste to have clothes that they won't wear.
But there's no harm in letting him choose on certain days, and teaching him what goes with what.
Its irrelevant anyway as he's your ds, not your Mum's and she should butt out!

duchesse · 19/03/2009 12:59

Why on earth not? If he is willing to dress himself as well, then bingo! My sister insists on choosing her sons' clothes, and she is still laying clothes out for her 11 yr old!! I think it's lovely to let them express their individuality. My daughters at that age favoured spots, stripes and flowers all at the same time, or sometimes dressed entirely in stripes, but the overall effect was lovely and most importantly, personal.

MarlaSinger · 19/03/2009 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aendr · 19/03/2009 13:08

I think that practise with decision making is very important, and clothing is one area where even very young children can do this with something which they can see a fairly clear cause and effect. Certainly you as a parent would need to rein in the wearing of something inappropriate for the event or weather and perhaps encourage trying different things but if a certain top is clean, fits, is appropriate and he loves it, what's the harm? With children who struggle with decision making (or taste), choosing between 2 or 3 selected items rather than the whole wardrobe often helps these skills. Perhaps as a sop you could bring the unworn things to the front and be a little more encouraging, maybe your mother is a bit miffed about things she bought him not being worn.

You also refer to strong wills, and if you let him have control here where it isn't so important then you are much more likely to be able to control other items where you need that control (vegetables, bedtime etc.), because he won't feel so out of control of his own life.

Seems to me like you've got the right of it... and your mother's not met many children if she thinks one can control what they wear totally till they are old enough to buy it themselves!

Original poster
Ceebee74 · 19/03/2009 13:09

Ooh I am glad most of you agree with me

It is annoying that there are clothes in the wardrobe that he won't wear - but that is entirely my own fault for nuying so many in the first place which I fully accept and will learn from - besides I am hoping DS2 won't be as fussy at that age and I will get the wear out of them

I can't give him the option of 2 as firstly he knows EXACTLY what tops he has and would ask for the one he wanted and secondly he can reach the drawer that they are in so just helps himself. It is really only his tops I let him choose and then I find some trousers that match - he picks his vest and socks. He has just started to want to pick his own trousers but mainly picks jeans which is fine as they go with everything anyway.

Now, as you said, if I can just teach him to dress himself aswell, I won't be required at all.....

OP posts:
notagrannyyet · 19/03/2009 13:13

At 2/3 it doesn't matter what he wears as long as others have said he doesn't want to wear beach wear out in the snow. He's got lots of school uniform years ahead. Your mum has no say in the matter. My MIL didn't like the colour pink and objected when I dressed DD in it as a baby. I made sure DD was in pink every time MIL saw her.

gagamama · 19/03/2009 14:14

YANBU! Please may I direct you to the poignant Seven Skirts Rule and suggest all mother's do hereby follow it.

gagamama · 19/03/2009 14:14

(Rogue apostrophe, how did you get there?)

notnowbernard · 19/03/2009 14:15

YANBU

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/03/2009 14:20

i would trust my 3 yr more than his father for colour co-ordinating

what you could do

is to remove his fav tops and leave the rest and then say they are in the wash, if you want use out of other clothes

or maybe one day you choose, next day he does
so all clothes get a wear

but tbh there are other battles to fight, and if he wants to choose a top,then i say let him

alicet · 19/03/2009 14:22

Gagamama that sevenskirtsrule had me in tears. Fantastic link thanks. Really helps to remind you what is important and what just doesn't bloody matter.

OP YANBU. I also let my ds1 aged 3 choose his clothes as I also agree that its worth picking your battles.

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 19/03/2009 14:29

If there are things he never wears, you can always keep them unworn and put them on Ebay - or save them for the next one so he can also have nice new clothes. I don't see it's really better to have twice as many half-worn-out things as to have half of them quite worn and the other half not at all.

YANBU at all to let him choose,why not if it makes him happy!

HappyMummyOfOne · 19/03/2009 19:00

YANBU, other than school uniform I have always let DS choose what he wears. He picks his own new clothes other than some basic essentials. Having their own tastes is important.

ThingOne · 19/03/2009 21:21

YANBU. What on earth is wrong with a child choosing which clothes to wear? I tell my DS2 (2.10) he can't wear shorts if it's too cold, or that he needs to wear a long sleeved top under a t-shirt in winter but as far as I'm concerned I'm delighted he's learning how to choose what to wear so young. It's not a battle between us at all.

And what would be wrong with him only preferring two tops anyway? I have my favourites that I (try) to put them in regularly, as does DH. It seems only normal to me that they have favourites too.

slowreadingprogress · 19/03/2009 21:40

DS chooses his own clothes. I do agree with encouraging his individuality but just sometimes I have been a leeeeeetle embarrassed walking down the street with him as darth vader, complete with helmet and cloak

Latest thing is he dresses in full three-piece suit, inc. flower in buttonhole, yes even if we're just going to the park! I am hideously embarrassed as I think people will be thinking I actually DRESS him like that

Your mum would probably have a stroke if I was her daughter!!! At least your ds is choosing normal clothes....

LynetteScavo · 19/03/2009 21:43

YANBU to let him choose his own clothes in the morning - mine all do.

But never, ever let him choose in the shop untill he's paying for them himself.

Nemoandthefishes · 19/03/2009 21:46

YANBU
I let both dds 2.2yrs and 3.2yrs choose their own clothes..ok I sometimes draw a line at going out in a vest top and shorts when it is peeing down but they are quite good if you say it isnt suitable. Ignore your mum..independent children make life a little easier!!

seeker · 19/03/2009 21:52

And even if they want to wear shorts in the snow, let them. Just make sure you've got more appropriate clothes in your bag for when they realize that they are a bit chilly round the nether regions!