To be angry with my depressed DH for failing to order more anti-depressants

[smurfmother]

DH has depression and periodically will have bad episodes (unable to get out of bed, very emotional, occasionally self-harming) because he has run out of anti-depressants and not ordered any more. This morning I was really struggling to get ds (2) dressed and out of the house to nursery, and DH was obviously finding it hard to get going. I asked him if he was taking his tablets and he said he'd run out a week ago. I just felt really angry with him for not taking responsibility for keeping himself functional, given the pressures of both being full-time working parents. I didn't say anything to him then. He went off to work and I filled out a repeat prescription form and dropped it in at the doctors on my way to work. But it's been bothering me all day, and now he's due home from work and I don't know if I'll be able to hide my resentment. I know it doesn't help a depresed person with low self-esteem to make them feel worse about themselves. But I feel that I take responsibility for most things around the home - I don't want to also have to be responsible for monitoring how many pills he's got left and trying to make sure he doesn't run out.

As someone who has been on ads for years, I can never understand how anyone can let themselves run out becasue it makes you feel so physically ill as well as depressed.
I would suggest that if he is forgetting because of his depression, then the meds aren't working and need to be reassessed.
What is he on and what dose?

Btw, I am sure it is frustrating for you. Yanbu to be angry, but not sure how to handle it? Maybe better to wait until he is 'well' again and then raise it?

agree with nicky. I thjink it would def be worth his while seeing the GP for a review of his medication.

is he having any other treatment? therapy? counselling etc?

I would start marking on the calendar when the repeat needs to be dropped in

I would agree that he needs to be reassessed. I am the most forgetful person, but my antidepressants are filled on time!

he can take his empty box to a chemist and get an emergency supply

does your local chemist do a repeat prescription service where they will get the meds for you and deliver them?

it might be worth signing up for that.

no it is not your responsibility,but if it was any other long term chronic illness, would you feel the same?

for someone with depression even the smallest task can be insurmountable

"for someone with depression even the smallest task can be insurmountable "

Agree 100% with that. For me it's the worst aspect.

He should be reassessed perhaps.

Try not to be too hard on him annoying and unfair as it may seem.

Thanks - lots of really useful advice. I don't think the ads do more than keep him functional - but he's resistant to other therapies (counselling etc) having had bad experiences in the past. The point about even the smallest task being insurmountable definitely rings true - I can see him struggling with pretty basic things. He also works long hours and is a bit chaotic generally so sticking to medication is just not a strong point for him. I'll try writing it on the calendar as a prompt for both of us. And when he does finally get home from work tonight I'll try to be a good person and not add to his woes.

Not quite the same thing but dp used to be like this with his asthma meds - he can't go without them and ended up in hospital a couple of times (funnily enough they were not impressed) or with me or MIL begging at gps to get prescription rushed through.

The only thing that worked was me checking his supplies adn reordering when low (he uses different amounts depending on his asthma - stress levels, illness, time of year etc all effect it). I found out part of it was he was worried about the expense and I had to reassure him over it for a long time.

It was infuriating taking control of it for an adult but I couldn't risk him getting ill as a result. And I did feel quite resentful that I had to take care of it for him. And it wasn't a little thing, it really could put his life at risk and calling ambulances because he couldn't breathe and having him rushed to hospital was not something that was fun to go through

He's better now but I do check because I can't risk him runnig out. I can only imagine that the depression must make it worse in terms of him being motivated enough to do it.

I would book him appt with gp partly to check his meds are right for him and for them to emphasise that he can't afford to run out. and also you will need to take responsibilty for it for a while.