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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

what do you think of this?

39 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 18/03/2009 20:46

lil sis is in her late 20's. been with bf for 9y. bought a house late last year and got engaged in new year.

they have had some probs over the last week or so and he told her he "needed some space" stayed at "friends" for 2 nights.

he went to see her today and they argued, he stormed out, she ran after him and fell down satirs, top to bottom. hurt her back, stretchered to A&E. sm called him to let him know. didnt come to hospital. went to work at 4, hasnt spoken to her. she is staying at dads, ive been at hospital all afternoon and she's heartbroken and in a lot of pain. aibu to think he should have at least called her?

OP posts:

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 20/03/2009 10:21

stretch, thats exactly what i said to her yesterday. is he going to freak when they have kids, need space then too?

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Dingbatgirl · 20/03/2009 10:53

Lissielou how awful for your sis.

Reminds me of a bf I had in my late 20s. I would say your sis's bf hasn't contacted her because he's not strong enough to support someone else, doesn't want to face the music, just concerned about his own feelings.

Comewhinewithme · 20/03/2009 11:02

Sorry for your sister LL .
My dsis has a bf like this he told her to hurry up when she was in labour shouted at her for crying in pain.
Didn't turn up when she was in labour with ds2 (prem labour) until she was 7cm then sat on the floor and didn't comfort her when they told her she may have to have a section . Then after told her it was because he didn't want to tread on my toes by holding her other hand . I even sat on a chair and watched her go through 3 ctx without any comfort to try and get him to get up and go to her but no he would rather be eating his bloody sandwich .

He loves showing the babies off but hates all that comes with it .
He also went to the pub the dat after she came out of hospital from having her appendix out and left her alone with a 6 week old baby whom she had been told not to lift.

I really hope your dsis dumps him he sounds like a tosser but it is easiar said than done .
All you can do is be there for her .

Dingbatgirl · 20/03/2009 11:27

Sorry lizzie, just read your later posts, he has contacted her, but I can see he has been crap.

I was with my bf for 10 years, split up when I was 28, very painful.....easy to say now, took me a while to get over it, but he would have made me very unhappy, he was selfish and weak, didn't know what he wanted. No idea what I ever saw in him, but thank god we did split. Of course, that's easy to say looking back, I am now in my forties.

Hope your sis is better soon.

haemomum · 20/03/2009 12:07

YANBU he sounds awful My ex was a bit like this - we lived together (renting), but he wouldn't buy a house with me, didn't propose (well, until I left, but only then coz he wanted me back). These men just seem to want someone to control. IMHO she needs to free herself of him, but she will need A LOT of support - took me about 8 months to build up the courage - an d the first time he convinced me to stay (stupidly I believed he would change ) but he didn't so I woke up and walked out. Now happily engaged and have a gorgeoues little boy
I hope your sis is better soon, he really is an idiot if he didn't even call to see if she was ok when he knew what had happened!

mamas12 · 20/03/2009 12:36

It is baffling for her I can see where she is because why wouldn't anyone want to comfort her now so what's wrong that he can't do it. He does turn it all onto her and she is in a horrible mindfuck position. Soooo controlling. Don't be too hard on her she is in the midst of it. Can you show her this thread or go online with the womens aid site and show her the passive agressive personality traits in men and wait to see the penny drop. Can you 'lose' her phone for her? Try and get him to keep contact to a minimum. Not what she feel she needs because all she wants is for him to step up and we all know now he just won't.

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 21/03/2009 10:12

well, he came round yesterday and finished with her. was there 10 mins tops. told her he didnt love her anymore and would be in touch to sort out the house. she is going to her mums for a few days and we are going out next saturday on high heels and lipstick night out.

she was hysterical, but now she's angry and is rebuilding.

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mamas12 · 21/03/2009 12:36

Wehey help keep that anger up make it work productively in getting what she needs from life. Good news!

MitchyInge · 21/03/2009 12:53

poor girl but she is much better off out of that one, she is lucky to have such a loving sister at least

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 21/03/2009 13:41

thank you. just been round to check on her, she is wearing make up, has had hair done and bought new clothes. we had a chat and i reminded her that he has done this to her, and one day she may thank him, because from now on the only way is up. im so proud of her.

oh, and have instructed her mum to take her phone at nighttime. just in case.

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mamas12 · 21/03/2009 14:01

Good on you what a great sis you are.

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 21/03/2009 16:06

thank you. im so proud of her, shes being v strong. he broke the door down today to get his stuff, which has just made her madder. putting new bolt on now.

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mamas12 · 21/03/2009 16:52

omg what a twunt (my new mn word) well well he is doing the right thing to keep her angry then keep strong,

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 21/03/2009 16:56

exactly, yesterday she would have taken him back, today he's got no chance.

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