to fear having another baby?

[MipPieMum]

I have a DS (16m) who's fab. Love him beyond measure. But my pregnancy was very hard - two bouts of premature labour at 29 and 31 weeks which luckily the doctors managed to stop both times (my consultant says the chances of that were less than 1 in 200), and then incredibly painful kidney problems at from 36 weeks onwards which thankfully stopped once DS was born. Neither problem was ever explained or resolved despite weeks in hospital. I also suffered from moderate to severe PND for about 6 months after DS was born.

DH would love another baby, but isn't putting any pressure on. But the thought of another pregnancy like the first fills with fear, and I dread PND even more. But then again, is it fair to DS for him to be an only child?

AIBU to feel that once was enough and to count the blessings I have?

YANBU to feel like this, i think alot of people who've had traumatic pregnancies/births feel like this. I had a fine pregnancy but it ended in a crash-section following a massive bleed due to placenta previa. I did not want to go through that again and it took along time to come round to the idea of another dc.

I've also had PND with both dc's but because i was more aware of the signs it also got treated alot quicker second time round which helped.

There will also be lots of people on here who will reassure you that if you do decide to stick to one, then an only child can be just as happy as one with siblings.

YANBU, i am in a similar postion. DD is 13 months.

I was in hospital 5 times during my pregnancy due to bleeding which was never explained. I had spd and morning sickness for the full 9 months. DD was 'stuck' during birth. I was prepped for a section, although managed to deliver her with ventouse. After the birth, I had PND, not helped by the fact DH works 2 jobs and MIL kept telling me how I should be doing things (I finally totally lost the plot with her when dd was 9 months, but that's another story!).

DH would like another, keeps hinting at it, but I have told him I absolutely do not want one. He says that's fine, but I can tell it's NOT fine, that he's upset about it (but hiding it) and hoping that I will eventually change my mind.

In addition to the above, we have MASSIVE debt, I'm not the most house proud of people, I have never been a 'baby' person (prefer toddlers/school age kids) and as my ILs work, my dad works, mum doesn't but cares for my gran, childcare would be a big issue.

sorry that turned into an essay!

YANBU. Of course you are afraid. You don't have to decide now. Your DS is still little, you can wait until he grows up a bit so you can relax more. Then you'll see.
My DD died after premature birth, so in every pregnancy I'm always on my toes. I had PND for 3 years (2 on medication). Horrible labours. 2 m/c. BUT my children love each other dearly and cannot wait to have the new baby.

So, I would say, don't put any pressure on yourself now.

I felt like this, NEVER was going to have another, then when DS1 was around 7 I started to feel a bit broody again, but put it off as I was scared (Preg was fairly normal, but with difficult birth and bad PND which lasted for 2 years).
Then when DS1 was 9, I really wanted another baby. DS2 is 18mo (Very bad SPD in preg, still affects me, not a bad birth and only slight PND).
So, you may change your mind a lot later.
Just because you dont want to add to your family now, doesnt mean you never have to.