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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ban Home Ed dad from toddler group?

40 replies

smallorange · 16/03/2009 20:24

Have a dilemma - a father has starting coming to toddlers with his two daughters - one is around 2 which is fine but the other is 6 years old.

We are not insured for a six-year-old. He is home educating the older one so seems to let the toddler run around while he does some work with the older one.

I don't mind, but am concerned about the insurance aspect. Also older daughter almost pulled over the climbing frame on to toddlers as she is too heavy for it.

So should I just have a quiet word and say, look I don't mind but you are going to have to keep a close eye on her?

Or should I be a jobsworth about it and tell him we are not insured so older one can't come?

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 17/03/2009 08:08

but to the poster who was presuming that this was a "rare social event" for the 6 year old - this would not be the case for most home ed children - please don't assume that it is

TotalChaos · 17/03/2009 08:09

franny - do your local libraries do a toddler storytime - would have thought that they would be OK to have a 5 year old along.

TinySocks · 17/03/2009 08:11

Unfortunately this is a symptom of the times we now live in, over the top. A child of 6 is not able to attend a play group???

If she is home educated what is the Dad supposed to do? Hire someone to take the toddler to activities?

I would have a word with him, but I wouldn't ban them from coming to the group.

ChopsTheDuck · 17/03/2009 08:16

Doesn't sound really like it would be much of a 'social event' for the 6yo at all to me, mixing with a group of toddlers and babies! As franny implied, she more than likely has her own social opputunities.

I think I'd have a word and probably say she can't go. I stopped taking my boys to groups once they got to the age where they were taht much older and more likely to squish babies than play nicely.

She is only 6, it's a bit tough on her for the father to bring her and tell her she can't play at all, so it would be better if he found other schemes more suited to the both of them together.

FrannyandZooey · 17/03/2009 08:21

totalchaos thank you for that! we do have sessions at our library and they are fine about ds1 coming, and make a fuss of him
we were at the stage where ds2 was too young and ds1 was too old, but I keep going occasionally - it's just nice to have something i can take both of them to
we also go to La Leche League - they are great about ds1 - and we do lots of home ed things - it is a treat to take ds2 to something specifically for his age, though

Lindenlass · 17/03/2009 08:53

YABU If she is 6 she is perfectly capable of being asked to sit and read/play on DS/chat to a Dad/sit and play with babies in the baby area/whatever if she's not insured to be there as a child. But what happens if an adult pulls the climbing frame over? Are you insured then?

It's more likely to be a rare event geared specifically for the toddler than for the 6yo! I do feel a bit sad for my toddler sometimes who rarely gets to go to toddler groups because her older sisters get bored and will only tolerate the odd session! On the other hand she gets plenty of other opportunities for play etc. and with children her age - don't know why I worry about the toddler group experience . DD1 never went to them cos I hate them!

Original poster

smallorange · 17/03/2009 13:17

Thanks for all your replies. We have to have insurance, it is a condition of hire for the hall. It is through the Scottish Pre-school play association so is designed with toddler groups in mind.

The fact is the SHE is not insured. The policy assumes that parents are caring for under-fives in this environment.

Will certainly ask insurance provider to clarify the terms.

It's a tricky one as we onlt have a few dads who come regularly and I think he was really enjoying a bit of adult conversation with some of them.

I dunno, I'm not a jobsworth type and feel that this is exactly what toddler group is for, to help parents do the best for their kids.

But when you are personally responsible, it puts a different perspective on things

OP posts:

rebee · 17/03/2009 19:44

YANBU

I take my child to these groups because I like the age restrictions.

I would be furious if my child was hurt because somebody had been irresponsible and let their 6 year old play in area designed for

pointydog · 17/03/2009 19:48

Have a word. Say over 5s not allowed to use the equipment. Sh ecan sit with a book or a ds or colour or summat.

ChippingIn · 17/03/2009 23:47

FGS if people are going to quote then criticise - how about you get the context correct?? rebee - I did say 'you don't know the Dads story' - but I did not condone letting the 6 yo run around. I said quite clearly she should bring some things from home to amuse herself! I did not say she wasn't doing any harm when she joined in playing with the young ones.

So because you pay a pittance to attend a toddler group, this means you check your compassion at the door does it??

franneyandzooey - I don't think all that Home Educated children have a limited social life (I know otherwise ). I was saying in this particular situation, it would be very sad to tell this Dad he could no longer come if there was another option (which IMO there is!!) as you don't know, it might be their only social outing. I just get a funny feeling about it and feel there is something sad in his situation...

BradfordMum · 18/03/2009 07:08

You do what you feel is right.
Should an accident occur, YOU would be the one taking the flack and I should imagine that would cause more heartache than dealing with the initial problem.
Good on you for being aware of any potential situation.

Hugs, as I know you're NOT a jobsworthand only trying to do what's right.

Sally x x

justaboutback · 18/03/2009 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GrapefruitMoon · 18/03/2009 07:47

I don't think yabu. I always stopped taking my dcs to toddler group at around 3.5 - they were going to nursery by then anyway but I also felt they were getting a bit too big & boisterous to have around the little ones...

Lindenlass · 18/03/2009 08:13

There is a difference between banning someone outright and saying that they can bring a 6yo but that the 6yo is not allowed to play with the equipment - a vast difference!

piscesmoon · 18/03/2009 08:30

I would have a quiet word first and explain that it isn't a group for older children. One of the toddler groups that I went to had it just for the younger children and we couldn't take them over 3 yrs. I didn't like it and had to get someone to look after the older one if I wanted to go with the younger. We all stuck to it and I have to say it was nicer for the younger ones.

It would be perfectly alright if nothing went wrong, but if you had an incident with the older child where the younger got hurt you could be setting yourselves up for all sort of propblems.I wouldn't take the risk of putting myself in that position.

If it is advertised as a toddler group then the organisers shouldn't be put in the position of people trying to go with older children.I assume that they pay to get in and so the 6yr old can't be classed as a toddler or an adult.

It isn't an issue for the OP but I don't think it fair to drag an older child along to something that it totally boring for them, on a regular basis.

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