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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want my mother to leave me with good memories of my granparents

5 replies

DontWantToHearIt · 15/03/2009 21:47

This has been building up for years, but recent events have just made this more than i can bare without having a good old rant (mainly so i don't rant at my DM)

let me just give you a little insight of the past and then i will come to recent events

My DGM (darling grandmother) died when i was 14, she was my favourite family member, and it was a well know fact that i was her favourite, i lived with her for a bit and used to sit in her pockets, when she died i was devestated, i felt like the one person who cared about me more than anyone had been ripped away from me (and tbh i still feel like that alot now), but my DM has, in the last few years told me many 'stories' of what my DGM had said and done, i feel like she is dead-set on turning me against my DGM and feel angry because she isnt her to defend herself.

My DGM used to leave my sister out alot when we used to do things, which i know isnt a nice thing for her to have done but she seems to go on about it so often.

But she is gone.

My DGF is still around, a few months ago he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, at one point he was just given days to live but he is still going, but he is very frail and doesn't go out very often, his skin fells really soft and his hair has gone really white, as has his skin, he looks quite scary tbh.

Well my DM keeps making comments along the lines of saying he is putting it on when he fell over (he had lost his balance whilst trying to put his oxygen on) and saying he is lazy when he lets someone put his gravy on for him rather than doing it himself, My DGF is barely able to stay awake through the whole meal, in fact he didnt, i think, spend 10 mins where he didn't actually fall asleep at some point.

He keeps drifting in and out of conversations and sometimes he just comes out with random words/conversations that are totally irrelevant at all.

My mum seems to be thinking that he is putting all this on and also has made comments about how he is so eager to give up his independace because other people have to give his medication to him, my DGF has always been really indempendant and has always done everything himself.

And what is worse my DM is making these comments to my DF, who is having to cope with his DF going downhill with her in his ear, i know he would never say anything to her because he doesnt like confrontation and would rather just take it that go 'against' her.

I feel so angry at my DM, i feel like she is making an already horrid situation worse

My mum has always liked being at the centre of attention and always thinks she is right, i guess she will always be like that, but i just wish she would leave my DGF alone, and leave me with good memories on my DGPs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/03/2009 21:51

YANBU. Your DM sounds like a bitch. Try and ignore her and support your DF as much as you can, he will need you if your DM isn't being supportive of him.
about your DGF, I lost my Grandpa to cancer and it's an awful thing to see.

DontWantToHearIt · 15/03/2009 21:58

She can be very supportive of anything else, she has just had a huge chip on her should regarding my DFs parents, my DGM didn't like her and even told her on her wedding day (apparently) that she 'gives them 6 months'

I can understand if she didnt like them but i wish she would leave the memory of my DGM alone, because i can never ask her about it now, i have to just take her word for it

OP posts:
herbietea · 15/03/2009 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 15/03/2009 22:23

I would write her a letter and just tell her that although you appreciate that she had difficulties with her PIL they were nothing to do with you and you loved them dearly and don't want to hear anything bad about them. After that refuse to listen. I think these things are often easier to write down.

DontWantToHearIt · 15/03/2009 22:47

yes, i might do that PM, i never say what i want to say to my DM because she always seems to take things personally, if it is down on paper i cant chicken out.

HT, i still love my nan, but because she died when i was so young i start to doubt my own memories.

AB + HT, sorry to hear about your DGPs, cancer is so common now isnt it

OP posts:
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