to not want my kids sleeping over at their cousins again?

[canofworms]

My kids slept out last night at their cousins - my sil's idea not mine. When dh picked them up this morning he was told his brother had come in at 4.30 am absolutely drunk, kept falling over, woke all the kids up, forgot where he was sleeping and tried to get in bed with the children and nearly knocked a bookcase over onto their bed.

Now we're both gobsmacked by this and we've agreed that we don't want our kids exposed to this sort of behaviour and shan't let them go again. Do you think we're being too harsh?

(I think dh was even more cross as he lent him some money last week because he was hard up and he seems to have drunk his way through it - not our definition of "hard up")

No YANBU, I would not feel happy about my kids being in that situation and would not let them sleep over there again unless it was clear that your BIL had got over his drink problem.

No YANBU, nor is your DH. Your BIL sounds like a pretty immature twat who has no idea as to his responsibilities. I wouldn't want someone like that in anything like charge of my DC (I know he wasn't there at the time but he might be another time)

how scary for your kids

YANBU at all

Definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Are the children okay now?

What did your BIL's wife say?

Huh.

I don't find it as shocking as the other posters. It's by no means desirable behaviour, but I wouldn't find it worrying, or traumatising for the children either.

It's exactly the sort of thing we came across as children and we weren't worried by it. It was just grown ups being silly and I don't think we thought much about it.

YANBU.
Could you offer to have the cousins over at yours instead?

Glad to think others feel I shouldn't send them again.

I've never been in that situation as a child but my dh regularly saw his dad come in drunk, smash the house up, beat his mum up and often they fled for their lives in the middle of the night. I think when you've lived through that, the constant fear etc, it makes you want your own children to never have to see anything like it themselves. i know that's an extreme situation but wondered if it had clouded dh's view.

sil thought this behaviour was amusing and laughed it off (which is what she always does when he's behaving irresponsibly)

Yes, having cousins here would be a better option especially as we have more room

how old are kids?

This would not thrill me either and would prefer this not to happen to my child...the nearly knocking the bookcase on top of them isn't a "laugh" in my book.

Sorry, both BILs are drunks and their kids had a bloody awful time so maybe I am over sensitive...

If SIL laughed it off I would suggest it was not uncommon in that household though.
I wouldn't trust them to feed my cat and I would not let my child stay with them again.

I think YABU perhaps a tiny bit. Just because he gets drunk does not mean he has a drink problem surely?

I agree, not desirable behaviour but surely you don't need to keep them away for ever?

Agree with DrNortherner.

I shouldn't worry, its not as if its a regular thing is it??

We all have our moments lol!

I would not let my children stay over again either. They don't see drunken behaviour in this house and I'd rather they didn't see it elsewhere either.

Agree with Lawks, Shineon, MrsMattie, DrNortherner, Blossom.... a little bit drunk, 'nearly' knocked a bookcase over (nearly according to whom??)... were your kids having a laugh at him or were they scared of him??

Neither me nor DP would ever drink if we had someone elses kids staying for a sleepover.
Totally unacceptable, I would be fuming if my ds was woken from his sleep to witness this in someone elses house.

Not that we act like this in our house

I'm with Lawks etc.
The kids will have a good snigger about this memory as they grow up.
Definitely something to rib the guy about as the years come (over and over).
Sounds like a good practical demonstration on why getting leathered is a BAD idea.
That said, I'm not sure I'd let my DC sleepover either for a long time. Not unless they get rid of the house bookcases, anyway .

has your bil appoligized to you or your dh?

he was a bit silly to go and get pissed but maybe sil didnt tell bil that she had invited your children over, and he didnt know?

not excusing his behaviour - but maybe he reliesed he was pissed and went to spare bedroom to sleep (where your children were) rather than annoy wake up his wife?

i agree its not ideal, but it not that terrible