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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or maybe irrational, controlling, silly?

10 replies

MumOfBaby · 14/03/2009 22:07

Dp had his drink spiked on a night out. I was a little annoyed and a little worried when he wasnt in by 4.30am so I rang him and all I could hear were these groaning noises. I found him in the street later that night, and he wasn't anything like himself. He was scared and weird.

Tonight he's out with his friends and I just want to sit up all night and wait for him to come home. I'm worried sick and I didn't want him to go out.

I told him he had to be in by 2.30am. His ex is trying to get in with his mates and family at the moment (clearly wants him back) and he's going out with those friends so I've said if she's out with them, he's to come home. I've told him he's not allowed to drink too much or leave his drink even for a second, and he has to text me every hour or 2 so that I'm not panicking.

This feels so controlling and horrible but when I saw him that night and he had no control over himself, it terrified me. He's normally a very strong man and he looks after us. It terrifys me that he could get into a position where he can't even look after himself.

There is also a LOT of violence around here at the moment.

I know it sounds like I'm a control freak and trying to justify why, but these are very real fears.

OP posts:
Boys2mam · 14/03/2009 22:10

Honey, I would be freaking out too. I'm sure he is too.

Any point of contact has to be reassuring to him too?

YANBU

hester · 14/03/2009 22:10

What a horrible thing to happen, MOB. I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit freaked out. Longer term, of course you can't expect him to text you every hour that you are apart, but I understand how hard it is for you to get through tonight.

Does your dp understand your reaction? How is he feeling now? He must have been very shaken up.

Really hope he'll be home before too long, so you can get a good night's sleep.

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 22:12

awww MOB I really feel for you...no wonder you are worried...how long ago was the spiking incident? ..my DH was a bouncer for many years so I had many sleepless nights...it feels strange because it's not really like you but you want to protect him and know he is safe...

MumOfBaby · 14/03/2009 22:15

It was a while ago- a few months ago, and he's been out since, but only to pubs, not properly out like to clubs and stuff. They're all going out tonight.

I suppose I should be over it by now but I just feel sweaty and panicky.

DP was out with different mates that night, and he says his proper mates who he's out with tonight would never let it happen because they all stick together.

But they're very sort of popular. In that everyone knows them. Which I think makes it even harder.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 15/03/2009 00:08

I totally get it...just make sure he calls...and if you know them personally voice you concerns to them...hopefully if they are real mates they will keep an eye on him too...

Coldtits · 15/03/2009 00:11

Tell him to stick to bottles of drink and keep his thumb over the top at all times.

texts can be sent by ANYONE by the way. Call him if you feel scared.

solidgoldbrass · 15/03/2009 00:12

I can understand you feeling upset and uneasy, but you are sort of blaming a victim for the actions of a criminal. SOmeone spiked his drink - it wasn't his fault, and if whatever was put in his drink had a dramatically unpleasant effect on him he is going to feel bad about it: being treated as though everyone else in the world is a threat and as though it was partly his fault is going to make him feel a lot worse. When someone has been mugged/conned/assaulted, a big part of recovery is in not letting the incident turn you into a victim or someone who has to be defended or controlled all the time.

Mumcentreplus · 15/03/2009 00:26

Totally solid...I think the reason he will go out is recover...and you have to try and support him hun...I know it's hard

Mumcentreplus · 15/03/2009 00:28

it's important you tell him how you are feeling too...

MumOfBaby · 15/03/2009 10:45

He came home safe and sound and happy enough so I feel much better now. Sounds like they had a good night. I think I'll be panicking everytime he goes out, particularly as it's happening to a lot of lads in this town at the mo- they get spiked and then mugged.

I'm going to try to be really upbeat and fine about him going out next time and just keep my worrying to myself

Thanks everyone for reassuring me.

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