AIBU - to cut down the number of times we visit the INLAWS!

[wibblewobbly]

At the moment me and DH visit with our 8 month old DS every other day - up to 4 times a week (some of you may remember from a previous post a few weeks back)

Well as from next month I am returning back to work - 3 full days (10 hours each) plus 1 day at home. Well today me and DH were discussing how we are going to manage everything e.g. shopping, house work etc and I brought up the subject of reducing the number of times we visit his parents.

TBH - he agrees too, we cannot possibly still visit every other day - its difficult at the moment never mind when I return to work - but we know it will create fireworks when we tell them.

This is how we have decided things will work

Mon - not working - play group and shopping day
Tues - working from home and the dreaded housework day
Wed - working
Thurs - working
Fr- working
Sat - family day - just the 3 of us
Sun - visiting day inc the INLAWS

We have come to the decision that we will visit them every sunday and tell them they are free to visit us once in the week too. But we know they wont be happy about this. Once we didnt visit for 2 days over the xmas period due to visiting friends we hadnt seen in a while and they were very cross about it!

I do see where they are coming from, DH is an only child and MIL has fallen out with all her family so basically we are their only family really. But we just cant keep it up. DS is in the bath at 6.30 and asleep at 7. When I get home at 5 - I want the time for just us - not to go out visiting!

I know that their main problem will be that my mum will be childminding DS while I work and therefore she will get to see him more than they do but thats just the way it is. They cannot childmind him as MIL is not fit enough and FIL works full time anyway.

So tommorrow we are going to tell them - but we are both dreading it. DH says if they are upset about it then we will ditch the saturday family day and visit them then too - but I refuse to do that.

I am going to dig my heels in this time, for my own sanity too!

AIBU to cut the visiting down to twice a week? (Once really but them to visit us once) How often does everyone else visit the INLAWS?

Perhaps occasionally your dh could take ds over on Saturday to give you a break, but I wouldn't let it happen regularly in case it becomes expected. Sounds like your MIL is housebound & bored so DS is a lovely treat.

sounds reasonable to me! we hardly see the inlaws as they have moved quite far away! I would like to see them more but its not possible!

good luck telling them

Yes, MIL does to spend most of her time at home, which is so sad - thats why we make such an effort at the moment.

Yes CARGIRL Thats the thing Im worried about, that they will become to expect it. We have set ourselves up really by visiting so often. I really dont want to upset them, but me, DH and DS really need some time together. I wish they would meet some friends or perhaps get back in touch with family then maybe we wouldnt be under as much pressure.

You've been really generous spending so much time with them so far, and I agree with others that you need to think of yourselves aswell now. Try not to feel bad (or let anyone make you feel that way), your time together as a new family is really special, and they will still see plenty of their grandson.

You are very considerated! My MIL would love you

I assume that you enjoy the time you spend all together, so once per week is very generous. I would only make extra arrangements to see them more often if I felt that I REALLY needed that.

Thank you, youve made me feel so much better. We will be letting them know tomorrow over dinner, thankfully we are going out to lunch so no scene can be made

I think were just going to bring up the conversation of me going back to work and say, that we d love to still visit as often but it simply wont be possible, but we will always go and see them on a sunday and they are more than welcome to come and visit us in the week before ds goes to bed.

Does that sound ok?

wibblewobby - as I said to you on the other thread, I think you have been amazing to have visited, so often, for so long!!

I think that as you are leaving you should say, see you next Sunday. When they ask why not tomorrow/Tuesday, simply explain that now you are going back to work, it (sadly) wont be possible anymore - then suggest they come to you one day in the week if they would like to

I personally also think you'd do better not to make it every Sunday, vary it. Sometimes one night in the week, some Saturdays, some Sundays.... otherwise you'll be stuck in another routine, which in time probably wont suit you.

Stick to your guns and remember - most PIL would kill to have you for their DIL!! Do not allow DH to commit to more than you are happy with!!

It does sound fine and YANBU but why do you have to tell them at all if you think a negative reaction is likely? Why not just not go round as often? Are they the type to call if you haven't been around by a certain time?

Any of this would drive me mad

Thanks for that chippingin

Yes, they are defo the type that will ring to see where we are, why they havent seen us in a while etc. And they arent the most diplomatic, they have come to expect it and think they are our only priority.

I want to warn them first because otherwise I would get a phonecall and when Im emotionally drained from leaving DS for the first time and physically drained - I know Ill probably speak my mind!

Oh gawd yes, do vary the day - I dread our routine 'PIL sunday'...not because I don't like them, just because it would be nice to be doing something else

Good luck with implementing your new arrangements and with going back to work.