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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I should be able to do it my way without family slagging me off?

25 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 09:14

Edit post
i am having ds2 baptised in a months time well my mum today asked me who the god parents were so i told her...she got the right hump with me and started s*ging off one of the couples who i am having as godparents. and telling me i was going to make myself look stupid as i have too many.
ok i do have 7 for him lol ds1 has 6.
1 of the god mothers is the reason i have brought it forward as she has been diagnosed with cancer and i wanted to give her something to look forward to iyswim?
another godmother is my very best friend who is with me every week and ds2 loves her to bits.
one of the godfathers is a priest i have known since i was 12 and we are great friends.
then i have a married couple who are dear friends
and this other couple who i have know her since we were 3, we are now 34.

just wish people would realise i do things the way i want and not slag me off because of it.

Also my sister is badgering me to invite our half brother who we only met for the first time just before xmas. As far as I am concerned this is for close family and friends. and he by all means a stranger, i have only met him once, he wants his kids to not be told we are related just old friends.....oh thats another thread!!!

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 14/03/2009 09:19

Stand tall and tell them both to butt out! It's none of their business who you have. Clearly you have chosen people that mean something to you and your family, so what do they know?

I woudn't invite a half brother who doesn't want to admit to his family who you are either. (although tht may be only short term, whilst he gets his head around it, but like you say - another thread!)

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 09:30

Maureen, they all mean something and i can't just drop them lol not that i would want to either tbh.

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 14/03/2009 09:39

It's your decision, TLE. I wouldn't choose so many, personally, but then I don't think I know as many people as you!

MaureenMLove · 14/03/2009 09:49

There you go then. You have to tell them it's nothing to do with them.

I bet your DM doesn't even know half these people well enough to make a judgement on them anyway!

insertwittynicknameHERE · 14/03/2009 09:51

YANBU at all, it is up to you how many and who you have a godparents for your DS.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 09:57

lol wotulookinat i had to narrow it down to those 7.

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 14/03/2009 09:59

Ask her if she'd like to be a godparent as well!

edam · 14/03/2009 10:00

Families huh. Can't live with 'em, can't kick 'em in the nadgers and run away.

Ignore!

edam · 14/03/2009 10:01

(your Mum and sister, I mean.)

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 10:01

lol no she wouldn't. But she is also being grumpy because i have brought it forward i think lol but this lady who i want as godmother needs something to look forward to and she loves ds2 so i think this will be it iyswim?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 10:03

I am not asking my half brother to come as i want my brother there and he won't come if half brother is there...its a long story tbh. So my sister thinks i am being unfair not asking him.....

mum thinks i need less godparents

and both think i shouldn't be looking at buying a proper christening outfit at ds2's age......he is 18m old

OP posts:

Ronaldinhio · 14/03/2009 10:12

I think you are probably bu

Your mum is likely more traditional than you and therefore thinks 7 gps are too many.

Are you using them to oversee your childs religious upbringing or why? (that's just nosiness btw)

Is your mum actually slagging you off or actually just having an opinion contrary to your own? Perhaps people will slag you off for having too many gps in their opinion and your mum is hoping to make you aware of it before the fact. Maybe there was a lot of unkind comment after your first christening
Perhaps she hope that by saying something now she will save you from the embarassment she feels?

Easier to tell her that you don't care about tradition, you have your reasons and you'll do what you want and anyone who thinks otherwise should keep their sticky beaks out..!
Should be you deal invite who you like and enjoy!

Stefka · 14/03/2009 11:54

Och the more the merrier I say! It's your gig and your choice. Ignore and enjoy!!

Gorionine · 14/03/2009 12:00

It has to be your decision.

I did not know you where allowed more than one godmother and godfather? Is it a common thing to have several?

bananagal · 14/03/2009 12:26

Sounds like you have good and lovely reasons for all your choices. I didn't know it was allowed to have so many either, but if it is, lovely for him to have these significant relationships with such special people.

Your decision. I hope it all goes beautifully for you btw

potatofactory · 14/03/2009 12:29

your decision, of course. I might be slightly under-chuffed to realise that I had been chosen along with six others to be godparent.

hotbot · 14/03/2009 13:26

i thnk it sounds greta, slightly envious of all yuor close frineds actshullly
as for the christening gown we waited too long for dd to get christened and lost out on dd wearing my beautiful one which mum had wrapped in tissue paper for years - so buy the one you like, it may wel be used again
have a lovely day

HecatesTwopenceworth · 14/03/2009 14:24

you have no control over what other people choose to say, think, or get into a huff about. That's their problem. All you are in charge of are your reactions. So if you don't like it - say so. If you think it's rude - say so. If you want them to back off - say so. What they think is up to them.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 14:30

Hot, i just couldn't pick which i wanted as the ones i mention all mean so much to me. And the main one who urged me to do this now rather than wait is an angel she really is. and to be diagnosed with cancer really made me want to move things on, I am hoping that being ds2's GM will spur her on iyswim?

And the others are all to dear to me.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 15:07

the thing with our half brother.
my dad and his mum split up a long long time ago. but dad continued seeing him and his sister until he was 11 and she was 9 or 10. When they asked if their mums new husband could adopt them, dad thought it was what would make them happy so agreed. Anyway....S (half brother) moved south of london in 1991 i was 15 then. He never made contact and then just a few days to the anniversary of dads death he emailed me via facebook and said he thought we had the same dad. I replied and we met up 5 days later. It was then arranged we would all meet up for my b'day but he ended up too ill, so it was arranged we would meet up on 2nd March but i was ill. So S and I agreed we would cancel it until i was up to it. My sister went behind my back and met up with him his wife and children, her DH and DC. I had a bit of a row with sis. But long and short of it is He is not my family after the initial meeting he has met my sister more than once, texts and calls her and vice versa almost daily. but does none of that with me. I do woner if part of it is a, his daughter is image of me, his son is image of ds1, and b, because i am very like my half sister by all accounts and he has nothing to do with her...

anyway thats another thing all together lol. I want my brother at my sons baptism not my half brother. and my sister thinks i should invite my half brother over our brother.

OP posts:

tootyflooty · 14/03/2009 15:50

celebrations always bring out the worse in people

Stick to your plans and don't get drawn into any arguments.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 15:50

Tooty, I will do, I want close family and friends and thats all....

OP posts:

treedelivery · 14/03/2009 15:56

Liz Hurleys son has 6 or 7 Godfathers. My dd1 has 2 sets so that is 4 Godparents. You are in good company

Liz Hurleys line up is composed of millionaires only [except for the billionaires] Elton John has pledged to fund schooling. Way to select the lineup!!

Clearly I was trapped in a waiting room with Heat or somesuch at some point. Idle celeb gossip over.

Hello TLE - many hugs. xx

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2009 15:57

Hi Tree Hugs back atcha xxx

oh I already dropped one couple or he would have had 9 lmao

OP posts:

treedelivery · 14/03/2009 16:03

They weren't the millionaires were they!?

Sory I have no sensible advice to give. Maybe a try again lunch out with your boys, and the family members in question? Could be a mini Christening lunch type thing. As a sort of building bridges lets try this again thing.

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