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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say I am a teacher when in reality I am a housewife

31 replies

Cathpot · 13/03/2009 18:34

I often wander into threads on here and say I am a teacher. But I'm not. I was a teacher, until I had my first child 4 years ago and stopped work to be a SAHM. Realistically it will be another 2 years before I am back in a classroom.

So technically, right now, I am not a teacher. I have been one, I will be one again, but right now..

I ...am ..a ..housewife.

I find it very difficult to say this.

I love teaching, I am looking forward to going back, I still frequently think about it and witter on about it. When people ask me 'what do you do' I say 'I'm a teacher- I'm taking time out while the kids are small'. I find it hugely disconcerting that at the moment I am not able to sign the back of a friend's passport photo as I dont have a profession. I didnt envisage having this much time out before I had children (although I am happy with the decision now they are here) and I suppose as the years roll on I am finding it more difficult to know what I should call myself.

I suppose my basic question is, do any of you define yourself by your trained profession even if you are not doing it right now?

OP posts:

Nabster · 13/03/2009 18:35

When my husband registered our children's births he asked what I wanted putting on the form and I said housewife as that was what I was. I think you might be meant to put what you were, in my case a nanny.

You are a teacher who is off for a while.

pippibluestocking · 13/03/2009 18:35

Absolutely - don't worry about it!

diedandgonetodevon · 13/03/2009 18:41

It's not like you are saying you are something you have never been.
You were a teacher and will be again so no, i don't think YABU

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 13/03/2009 18:55

I do exactly the same thing! I do technically teach supply every now and then, but still cling on to it. I think it's because I'm so proud to be one (just!) and that it feels strange to say anything else!

Only have three days supply left before I have DS2... then no teaching for years. It will feel very odd.....

Dingbatgirl · 13/03/2009 18:58

It's fine to say you're a teacher on a career break, I don't see a problem at all.

I am a SAHM until I get a job when my dd goes to school in September, but I don't call myself a housewife. Due to political correctness alot of official forms ask us to tick the box 'homemaker,' but I just prefer to say I am a full-time mother. I can't say I would like to be called a housewife. It's the 'wife' bit I am not keen on, as if it is your occupation, someone's wife just hanging around in the house!!

potplant · 13/03/2009 18:59

My MIL still refers to herself as a nurse and she hasn't done it for 30 years.

You are qualified to be a teacher therefore you are one and I can't see why you can't sign a passport photo.

screamingabdab · 13/03/2009 19:05

If i was on a career break, and intended to go back to that profession, I'd call myself a teacher (well, not me personally, I'm not a teacher ...)

I call myself a full-time mum. I have a professional qualification, but don't intend to go back to it. When the kids were little I felt very defensive about being "just" a mum, and if asked i'd say I'm a (insert job here) but now I don't have a problem with it.

frasersmummy · 13/03/2009 19:05

YOu trained and got a proffession... you are a teacher and I would argue that you can sign a passport application based on your profession

Surely even the daft passport office dont discriminate between working and non working professionals

wouldnt suprise me right enough

TheFallenMadonna · 13/03/2009 19:05

Oh definitely say it. I've just gone back to teaching after 5 years and in some ways it's like I've never been away. Apart from they've changed the curriculum again and ther seem to be far more acronyms now

piscesmoon · 13/03/2009 19:06

Housewife is a silly term anyway-I am not married to the house.

Olifin · 13/03/2009 19:07

I'm also an out-of-work-teacher who still calls herself a teacher. I wouldn't consider putting anything else on forms etc (unless it was asking for details of a specific post) as that IS my profession, even if I'm taking a break from it at the moment. If people ask, I say I'm a teacher who's not teaching at the moment!

lulurose · 13/03/2009 19:08

I could be you too! I still say I'm a teacher but I'm at home with my girls at the moment. I do the odd bit of supply when I can though, at my old school.

I sign passports off too!

StarlightMcKenzie · 13/03/2009 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ABetaDad · 13/03/2009 19:13

cathpot - its OK YANBU to say you are a teacher.

I have the same problemm. I struggled for a while to describe what I did. I tried saying I was retired (which I technically am) but I am only 45 so people looked at me as I have two heads.

As an alternative I once told a woman that I was gigolo (which I technically am not) she seemed reasonably OK about that.

Anyway I now just say I buy and sell companies (which I am technically but only in theory at the moment) but most people seem to think is OK.

What 'you do' does tend to define you in other peoples mind and simply saying SAHM(D
) immediately makes people dismiss you in their minds as doing nothing. Which it is not of course.

colander · 13/03/2009 19:14

I'm a non-working teacher too, but then I am very proud to call myself a full-time mother.

Never housewife, and I frequently have a go at insurance companies who only have the option "housewife" for occupation. If you could see the state of my house you would understand....

popsycal · 13/03/2009 19:14

you are a teacher

vjg13 · 13/03/2009 19:15

I think full time mum is a strange term. Does it mean working parents are part-time parents Housewife is too 1950's unless it's now being reclaimed. Can't people just say I,m not working but was a .....

TheFallenMadonna · 13/03/2009 19:22

Ah yes. Full time mother makes me rather as well. When I didn't work, I preferred to describe myself as, well, not working, but looking after my small children. But still a teacher

Khara · 13/03/2009 19:26

I still think of myself as a teacher - sort of. I haven't actually done the job for 11 years which is when I had ds1. I've since had two more children and been a SAHM for all that time. My youngest starts school in September and I'm tentatively looking at going back into teaching. I've been helping in my childrens' school and looking up return to teaching courses on the internet. I'm also thinking of taking a TA job if I can find one going locally at least until my dd is a bit older. I didn't miss teaching for a long while but recently I really have.

slowreadingprogress · 13/03/2009 19:28

I agree I hate 'housewife' too. Stay at home mum is adequate to describe it, surely?

I think you are qualified to be a teacher therefore you are one, too. You will always be a teacher. I think that is one of the odd things with the professions...you are what you are, it stays with you. If you had worked in sainsbury's then stayed home you wouldn't always be a checkout girl. Because those are 'jobs' and the teachers, solicitors, etc are 'professions' - at least that's the way I think it's looked at.

When I got married my dad was retired but he didn't put on the certificate 'pensioner' he put 'retired teacher'

Original poster

Cathpot · 13/03/2009 19:29

OK, now I feel better. I was starting to gently worry I was clinging to some sort of preofessional status that I am not currently entitled to. There is no doubt some dark undercurrent here about how I perceive the status of SAHMs (even though I like being one) or even my willingness to be defined by job rather than saying 'I am fabulous darling - what do you do?'. But at least I am not alone.

ABetadad - I enjoyed your gigolo comment particularly the intriguing 'which technically I am not'. Maybe I need to start stocking up some phrases for the what do you do question- along the lines of 'so sorry I'm not allowed to talk about it', or maybe ' I'm a criminal mastermind busy creating a new world order'.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 13/03/2009 19:29

My dad put 'retired gas fitter' on ours. So not just the traditional professiosn then...

RustyBear · 13/03/2009 19:31

I always called myself a librarian while I was at home with the children - like a teacher, it's a professional qualification, and I was still paying my subscription to the Library Association every year. I only stopped when I went back to work, first as a TA & then as an IT support manager, which is what I now describe myself as.

slowreadingprogress · 13/03/2009 19:36

well there you are TFM, other professions stay with you as well

i have worked at the tills but I didn't put that on my marriage cert

slowreadingprogress · 13/03/2009 19:39

Talking of occupations and professions, I was just saying to DH the other day that though I work FT in a 'profession' all I would really love to be is a stay at home mum.

DH, vehemently "ohh, me too"

me, "eh? You want to be a mum?"

DH, "oh, sorry, I thought you said Bum!"

i have not married a man with any ambition

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