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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the Nursery shouldn't have done this without permission?

30 replies

walmer3 · 13/03/2009 00:06

(First-timer on here, please be gentle with me!)

When DH picked up the children from nursery tonight he was handed a huge framed pencil drawn portrait of our two children, on 'spec' for purchase (£160).
My gripe isn't the fact that we can't afford £160 at the moment as one of us is out of work (even with the offer of 'four easy monthly payments'), nor is it that we're finding it hard to turn it down now that we see it, despite the fact that we wouldn't ever have chosen for ourselves a portrait of the children to be done in this style.
The thing is, the only way they would have been able to do this is if either the nursery took photographs of our children and sent them off to the company that did the portraits, or the company photographed them at the nursery (we're not quite sure at this point which of the two). While we have given our permission for photographs of the children to be used in nursery newsletters/websites etc, we were never given a heads-up that this portrait thing was going to be done. (They've had the usual photographers around in the past doing photograph packages and we've had the choice of opting in or out).
In other ways the nursery has been excellent and the manager has been very supportive and personally helpful so I don't really want to fall out with them about this. But AIBU to think they should have asked permission first?

OP posts:
harpomarx · 13/03/2009 00:09

how weird... did you ok the photos? if so, perhaps it is just a computer generated pencil drawing from the same company?

sagacious · 13/03/2009 00:10

Never heard of that before.

Very cheeky

They should have asked permission but i'd not get to worked up about it (considering the nursery is otherwise ok)

So I can't decide if you BU or not

[sits on fence]

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/03/2009 00:12

I clicked on this, and was prepared to consider that you were being unreasonable. But that sounds like they have over stepped the boundaries. IMO

Original poster
walmer3 · 13/03/2009 00:12

No, we didn't ok the photos, and in fact we haven't seen the original photos now or at any stage. It's just the regular clothes they wear to the nursery (if I'd known... and given permission... I'd probably have dressed them in something different LOL). I've checked the website for the company and it does seem to be genuine drawings. It's really the permission thing that gets me, KWIM?

OP posts:
Original poster
walmer3 · 13/03/2009 00:15

Thanks for the other replies, written at the same time as I was posting. I guess that 'worked up' is exactly the phrase for how I feel at the moment. I probably need to sleep on it rather than getting in a tizz. But at the moment I do think they have been cheeky (at least).

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 13/03/2009 00:16

walmer3 - very brave posting on AIBU for the first time

Shift over Sagacious...

It is, at the very least, cheeky.

It wouldn't bother me that they had the photo, but it would bother me that I would want the drawing but think £160 is expensive - but then feel mean not wanting a drawing of the kids.... see saw, see saw....

However, if you are happy with the nursery other than that, I'd just ignore it

onebatmother · 13/03/2009 00:19

they're on a commission and are deffo out of order - if not legally (though I'd certainly raise the issue of photographs and wonder whether this was something that they'd cleared with Ofsted) then morally.

Vile thing to do.
Best approach is honesty: 'i was a bit shocked to discover that you'd taken a photo of my kids without my knowledge for this purpose, and I must tell you that I feel that I'm under pressure to pay for this item and I'm not hugely happy about it - where do you suggest we go from here?"

Original poster
walmer3 · 13/03/2009 00:20

Thanks ChippingIn . Off to calm down now. Might join you both on that fence tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
walmer3 · 13/03/2009 00:24

(not off just yet...) Onebatmother, I like the wording of that. Will chew on it a bit
Thanks for everyone's support/comments.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 13/03/2009 00:26

Yikes!£160 is pricey and cheeky for unsolicited drawing.YANBU politely decline.

our nursery has photographer come in,But they put up flyers and purchase is optional

tbh,should you ever wish pencil/charcoal drawing art school notice boards have student ads for moderate price

or ask on MN

BradfordMum · 13/03/2009 08:29

YANBU
The nursery is hoping that you'll fall soft and buy it. This in turn will generate commission for them.
It'll probably pay for their Xmas do!

I'd be cross and not buy on principle, after all, if you wanted to spend that amount of money, you'd probably considered what they were wearing/how their hair was done and probably had all 4 of you in the picture.

Sally x x

beanieb · 13/03/2009 08:32

YANBU - and you certainly shouldn't pay for somethingyou didn't want. Takeit back.

Bathsheba · 13/03/2009 09:19

That is very expensive = especially when the item has already been done..!! No wonder its expensive when they produce the item for every family and only those who buy it need it done - what happens to all the unbought ones.

I definately agree that you should have had some warning - if you knew it was being done you'd have dressed them differently etc (I know I do for playgroup photos and the like).

I'd not buy it and let them know that if they had let you know in advance you might have done.

ScaredOfEverything · 13/03/2009 13:11

Why not be cheeky right back?

They have done the drawing already. YOu dont want to pay £160. Offer them a tenner. Better for them than the alternative of £0 ifyou dont buy!

Ha!

missorinoco · 13/03/2009 13:15

i like obm's response. you get to politely object without making things uncomfortable.

i also would refuse to buy one of these in one principle if this happened to me, even if i had the money.

missorinoco · 13/03/2009 13:16

sigh
on principle. not in one.

tiggerlovestobounce · 13/03/2009 13:23

My nursery had posters up for this sort of thing, but you had to give permission first. I wonder if the nursery got the wrong end of the stick, and just sent of photos of all the children?

I dont think that you are being unreasonable, but I think that in your situation I would just hand the picture back.

nomoreamover · 13/03/2009 13:38

YANBU - they should have given you the option - I would be livid. Not least because you now feel sort of "Obliged" to take it.....

TotalChaos · 13/03/2009 13:42

YANBU. Hideously crass commercialisation.

laweaselmys · 13/03/2009 13:44

If they'd asked permission for other photography events it would seem nuts that they didn't think to do so in this case.

It is a child protection issue, because of cases where children have to be relocated for their own safety - staff could easily have sent the person 'after' them a photo of exactly where they are! Obviously 99% of the time that's not even a remote possibility but they still need to ask parents just in case. I'd be very unhappy.

georgimama · 13/03/2009 13:49

There is no way that YABU to be upset about this. Now you feel "obliged" to buy it.

Don't feel obliged. Tell them you are very unhappy, both about this being done in the first place and being made to feel like this. I'd go with the offer them a tenner myself. 160 quid is a phenomenal amount of money for unsolicited stuff.

DS's nursery did one of those potter and paint things last year but they did it all correctly - asked first and if you didn't want your child to participate they were just doing handprints on paper. That was only 20 quid but even so I sucked through my teeth for a minute before saying yes.

muppetgirl · 13/03/2009 14:01

I would have assumed that they would know of any child protection issues as parents would need to inform the nursery.

Having said that I would not be happy if my children's nursery did this. We do have the option of nursery photographs which is great if you want them but I wouldn't be happy for my children to photographed for a money making exercise just before mothers' day (or am I being too cynical??)

I would ask who has the origional -the company? The nursery? And ask for written confirmation that it has been deleted/destroyed and WILL NOT be circulated to a third party. I would not do this had I knew and agreed as I would have made the decision to accept T's & C's of the company but you weren't given this option and by allowing the children to be photographed you may have inadvertedly given implied consent for them to do with the image what they will.

I can be a bit paranoid though...

paisleyleaf · 13/03/2009 14:03

YANBU That is cheeky

(Could you take a pic of it on your digi camera)?

madlentileater · 13/03/2009 14:10

I agree with scared of everything.
keep the picture, offer them £10 (or whatever you want)- may make a nice present for GPs?
that will teach them

DaisyMooSteiner · 13/03/2009 14:13

But how is this different to the standard school photos that companies come out do then offer you the chance to buy them at an (exhorbitant) price?