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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So whats an ideal age to let your children out alone?

50 replies

whoingodsnameami · 12/03/2009 16:01

DS is 8, and I am nowhere near ready to let him out alone, even though by that age I had already had a few years experience of being out playing alone.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 12/03/2009 20:23

My ds1 is also a big 9 year old contact rugby playing lad and I do let him play out, but there are definate rules about where he can go and who he can go with. He tends to ride round the block and i know nearly everyone in our close. There is no main road and he always comes back if there may be a problem. We also have a woodland infront of house and he is bound to go venture in there soon.. no been here that long so not explored it yet. Just asked him why he gone in and his answer.. because he hasnt been told he's allowed. Bless. He is allowed as long as he can see the house, so i guess my carpets will be decorated with stuff from the forest! Oh joy

At our old house he couldnt go as far and different area and different risks.

noonki · 12/03/2009 20:24

DSS was out playing in his estate where his mum lived from about 5. Lots of kids about, never had any problems,

but we live on a cut through road so he hasn't near us.

We are going to start looking to move and my number one priority is taht the road is a deadend so the kids can play out.

As said before the dangers are no more than we grew up (except increased) traffic.

kids that are teenagers now have much fewer life skills in general as they are always in shouting distant of their parents.

When they go into the big wideworld they struggle with dealing with conflict, assessing risk etc as mum or dad always has done it for them.

Also their road safety skills are poor.

I think it is so sad what we are doing to our kids by keeping them in the house (no wonder obesity levels are rising)

Or constantly in organised activites (so they fail to learn how to make thier own entertainment etc).

notagrannyyet · 12/03/2009 20:46

I'm an older mum so it would be 20 years ago that I first allowed my PFB DS1 out alone to play in the park down the road with mates.He was 8 but some of the boys had been playing out since before they went to school. It was before mobile phones so if I got a bit panicy I would pop down and peep over the fence to make sure he was OK.

It's always hard when they first go out alone. Even now I am happier if DS5 12yrs goes out with his older brothers. One thing that is definately much worse than when the eldest was 8 is the speed and volume of traffic. I can't let DS 15, 13, &12 ride bikes on the country lanes near home. The older ones used to take themselves to football, tennis, etc on bikes. Now I take the younger ones by car.

Plonker · 12/03/2009 21:01

There are so many variables that it impossible to give an 'ideal age' IMHO.

You have to take into account the location/environment, how sensible the child is, how independant the child is, whether or not child is with older siblings/cousins etc

My eldest is 9. She is v v sensible and I will allow her to play out/go to the shop (no main roads to cross) but she won't go alone. There are no other children in our road for her to play with so she wants her younger sister (almost 6) to go with her. The problem? Dd2 is wild. She is totally unpredictable and although admittedly is getting slightly more sensible she is not ready to be let loose, lol.

Maybe next year

expatinscotland · 12/03/2009 21:02

when they take off on honeymoon with their spouse.

ScottishMummy · 12/03/2009 21:18

when they can buy me a bevvy

branflake81 · 13/03/2009 07:43

It is NOT a different world nowadays. This kind of thing really winds me up. Yes, there is more traffic but in other terms the world is no more dangerous than it has ever been.

As for not letting your 12 year old out alone - I'm shocked. Your DC will be legally able to get married in 4 years time, in six will be going to university. Do you not think they need be prepared through a gradual build up of independence?

It's like driving a car. If you get put behind the wheel and told to drive you won't have a clue. If you've started off slowly and built up to it, you'll be fine.

I work in a University and the number of students I see who have no clue about the world astounds me. When the going gets tough they are always on the phone to mummy and daddy to sort it out.

rant over.

sarah293 · 13/03/2009 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Karamazov · 13/03/2009 08:47

I agree that it has to be built up gradually, and I'm starting that with my DD (now 5). I let her run errands to the childminder's house (three houses away, but next road iyswim) and to the neighbours. I will not stand and watch her. This summer I will probably let her ride her bike outside, but only up and down the pavement. There are no other kids in the neighbourhood for her to play with, but the estate only has one entrance/exit, so it is relatively quiet. I think she needs to learn slowly to gain her freedom, and I know from experience that when she does these errands she comes back feeling really proud of herself, Its an important learning curve in my book. Kids have got to learn to live in the real world.

PuppyMonkey · 13/03/2009 11:32

Branflake. Sorry I've shocked you cos of what I said about my 12-year-old. Are you ok?

If it helps, I mean I purely don't let her go out "randomly" in the streets playing whenever she wants... cos all the kids round here hang out at the chip shop and I hate the thought of that, so I won't let her do it. Sorry. She does walk to school alone and I also let her go to town with a friend on her own. We usually give her a lift in and then pick her up later.

It is a slightly diff and possibly more dangerous world today, imho. Kids have stuff like mobile phones on them.. makes them slightly more prone to getting robbed and into arguments etc. Does where I live anyway.

Fimbo · 13/03/2009 11:37

My dd is 10 and my ds is 5. DD has only just started walking to school by herself mainly because the road she has to go down, his no pavement (live in a village), it is also the local ratrun. May possibly let her walk to the shop in the summer time.

I don't let either of them play out on the street as dd was chased by a rottweiller last summer, she managed to outrun it but I dread to think what would have happened if it had caught up with her. Normally our street is full of children out playing too but that day there was none (thank goodness).

Fennel · 13/03/2009 11:42

I let mine roam around the place freely from about 6, the older ones are 8 and 7 now and they go to school alone, and go out to play and to friends' houses or the shop or playgorund alone or together at weekends.

4yo goes out to play sometimes with one of her sisters, not on her own yet.

But we do live in a good place for this, we moved house a couple of years ago and it was one of my priorities, having lots of space nearby which would be not too traffic-filled or impossible for children to play in. So we can do it with younger dc here than in other places.

MrsSchadenfreude · 13/03/2009 12:41

I let mine (who are now 10 and 8) go to the park on their own (two roads to cross), the shop (one road to cross), the school bus (one road to cross) and play in the moat behind the house on their own. I've been doing all this for two years. We live in a small village. They also go and call for their friends, and their friends come here.

When we were out sledging last month, DD1 got cold, so I let her walk home on her own (about 10 minutes across fields), let herself in and make a cup of tea. We joined her about an hour later.

Let them enjoy their childhood and have some freedom! IMO the only thing that has changed since I was a child is the amount of and speed of traffic.

choochoochaboogie · 13/03/2009 12:46

25.....lol

choochoochaboogie · 13/03/2009 12:47

25.....lol

choochoochaboogie · 13/03/2009 12:47

oops - sorry button happy finger !!!

choosyfloosy · 13/03/2009 12:51

I do struggle with this. I have let ds out to post a letter since he was 3.5, but this is just down a quiet road so not much bravery required. When we were out with him cycling with a known destination from about 4, I occasionally let him go way out of my sight up to a mile ahead, but was told off in no uncertain terms by other mums. I didn't find all their arguments convincing, but now do ask him to stop at certain checkpoints along the way. Because we are close to the river, I wanted him to learn to swim before he was out much on his own - at 5, he can now swim fairly well for short distances (though tbh at any age he might struggle in the fastest-flowing bit near us). I also wanted to be sure that he could recite our address and phone number - obviously he can now do this. I am still not happy for him to cross roads by himself.

The main problem now I feel, apart from the traffic, is the lack of other children out for him to play with. I could cross a couple of roads with him and then send him off to the park a few minutes away, if I thought there was going to be a big crowd of children on their own, or even a couple of his mates plus, crucially, older siblings to keep an eye on them. None of this is happening yet. It would be no fun for him to be sloping around on his own for any length of time, and he really would be likely to get into some form of trouble just because he would be so bored. I do find it difficult - I'm hoping that in a year or so some of his schoolmates' parents will be ready for this to happen too.

I have told him that at 7 I can take him over our road from which point he can go to school by himself, and will also be able to go to the shop by himself.

katiestar · 13/03/2009 12:53

Puppy monkey - Seriously you need to start giving your 12 yr old some independance and responsibility.

tinierclanger · 13/03/2009 12:58

I think the 'it's a different world' thing has become a bit self-fulfilling though hasn't it? I agree dangers from 'paedos-on-every-corner' are no more than they ever were, although traffic IS an issue. But the 'paedos-on-every-corner' hysteria does seem to have made it such that adults are now reluctant to speak to or assist children they don't know, which is troubling.

PuppyMonkey · 13/03/2009 14:12

I don't see why hanging round the chip shop teaches you that, katiestar.

bloss · 13/03/2009 15:13

Message withdrawn

thean · 13/03/2009 18:15

I think that children need to be given some independence. We have a square of grass opp our house. My ds has been playing out there if other children there since last summer, (i checked him every 10 mins) he was 6. He is now 7, last weekend i let him walk to the shops 3 min way to buy some milk. I made him take my mobile, a list of what to get with our landline no. on it. I was a little apprehensive although i knew he was responsible enough. In less than 15 mins he arrived back in one piece. result! It has defiently improved his confidence and i am very glad that he has done it. I wouldn't let him go off for an hour on his own yet but at least he now knows he doesn't need me to be everywhere with him.

mumeeee · 13/03/2009 22:16

DD£ nw 17 She started going to the post box at the end of our street at 8.

mumeeee · 13/03/2009 22:24

Sorry my typing is bad today. I meant to say DD3 is now 17 and she has dyspraxia, She was going to the park with her friends at 10.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 13/03/2009 22:37

DD1 is 11. She is allowed into town by herself (though normally she goes with friends) and to the swimming pool or the park.
DD2 is 9. She is allowed to do all these things if DD1 is with her.
DD3 is 6. She is allowed to the park with her older sisters for half an hour or so.

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