to think family should help without a return favour being needed?

[ilovetochat]

my dad phoned to say his washing machine had broken and his washing was half done soaking wet and the engineer isnt coming till monday so would i help and do his washing. told him no problem so he brought round a basket of soaking wet sheets and duvet cover and i am just finishing the 2nd load as our machine is small.
he said he would pick it up later when its dry and i told him it wouldnt be dry as i dont have a tumble dryer and wasnt sure how the weather would be but probably couldnt dry 2 loads outside today.
then he said because i had helped him by doing his washing i could give him 2 loads of my wet washing and he would tumble dry it and return it. i didnt need anything drying but it makes me sad that he thinks this way.
wouldnt he do drying for me anyway if i needed him to? Why does it have to be in return for something else? Why does it have to be specifically 2 loads rather than a kind offer? Its like he will only help me if i help him and i dont like it. we are family and should help because we want to surely.

He doesn't mean to offend you, i too am the sort of person who likes to 'return the favour', yet don't mind doing favours for others without expecting them to do favours back.

It's because i hate accepting help and favours from people, and being able to offer something back makes me less

Don't be cross with him, if he is the sort of person to not ask for help very often, he is probably quite about it

i find it strange but know he meant no harm, its just how he is. On the rare occasion he had a lift off me he has offered me the money or said he will give me a lift in return but i dont expect anything in return and would hope he would give me a lift whether i helped him or not.
actually i know thats not true as he never gave me a lift till i was 21 and learned to drive so literally i had to offer first.

I think sounds quite thoughtful and appreciative. Be grateful - some family members expect favours and don't return them because they think it's their due

YANBU imo.
This week my brother pulled the help he was giving me (he used to drop off/pick up DD from nursery once a week) because I would not let him give her an ice cream before her tea. He's being ignoring belittling me when Ive asked him not to do other things with, like for example asking him not to encourage her to hit.
So for his help in return he can make decisions about how DD is parented. I don't think so.
I thought he was helping me out because well I bloody well needed the help, silly me.

Oh I thought that was a really nice thing to do - offering to dry your washing as the weather is inclement and it may not dry on the line.

What a lovely thoughtful father to think about you not being able to possible dry your washing on the line (as you had already said about his washing not being dry) and wanting to help you out

Maybe he said 2 loads because you'd mentioned not being able to dry 2 loads, and he forgot that one was his? Unless there's more to this, I'd leave it as a nice gesture and stop reading stuff into it.

he did say 2 because i said 2 loads need drying, both were his loads. it is good he wants to reciprocate (sp) i suppose, it just gave me the impression he would only help me because i helped him rather than just cos im his daughter.
he also doesnt like to be indebted to anyone even me.i will just accept it as a generous offer.

HI LOVETOCHAT, I BET ITS BECAUSE HE HATES ASKING FOR HELP opps sorry about caps

i do know what you mean though it does feel a bit sad him feeling he has to do a favour back

youre right JP, there are a few messages on your 21 month thread btw.

I'm with you, Ilovetochat. For me (like you, clearly), it's pleasure enough to be able to help someone. I find it sad that some people are unable to accept a free gift like this.

IVYKATE... a thoughtful father would of offered to dry ILTC clothes before now though, not wait till he had been offered a favour

And conversely when someone helps you and they say 'just do the same for me next time and we'll call it quits'. I find it odd and a little bit rude that they should suggest I should somehow balance out the scales. It's an odd view of friendship, IMO.

i'm glad you get where im coming from, its like he wouldnt help me till ive helped him and favours need to be returned, when i dont think they do especially between father and daughter.

oh thanks off to check that now

You can't think of everything - didn't the father think that the daughter had a tumble dryer though? So if he thought she had a tumble dryer he would think she could get her clothes dry in inclement weather and even a thoughtful father thinking that his daughter had a dryer is going to be hard pushed to offer to dry clothes he thinks she can dry in her dryer