To not expect my in laws to make me feel like a stranger in my own home!!!

[Kiansmummy]

I have been with my fiance for nearly 5 years and have lived with him for 3 years.

His parents who are both in their 70's live 40 miles away and rarely come to 'visit' unless we are both out. What I mean by this is that they come over to do odd jobs that often dont need to be done and which I would prefer to do myself.
When they visit they unlock my front door and let themselves in even though they know that I am often in, they never knock. They wont allow me to make them drinks saying that they will do it themselves and often encourage me and my son to go out as if they want us out of the way. They often comment about the state of my house when it really isnt that bad and make a point of telling other people this

Very often she will do my fiance's ironing and not mine and his mum often moves things in my house around. I appreciate that they feel they are helping but they only seem to want to help when it benefits my partner and not me.

I have had many problems with her in the past as she had my partner late in life after being told she would never have children of her own and has always enjoyed waiting on him hand, foot and finger. She hated it when he finally moved out with me at the grand age of 30 and didnt take kindly to me being pregnant although she now has a good bond with my son.

I dont know if I am making too much of an issue out of this as they are both of a completely different generation from me and even my parents but it seems that they feel when they are in my house its theres and not mine.

change the locks! They sound very controlling. Does how you feel not matter at all to your fiance? YOU should come first, not them. YOU are to be his wife, it is you and him against the world. If he can't do this, then you have a problem.

She is just trying to assert authority over you. I agree about leaving your keys in the lock on the inside so that they cant just walk in.

Talk to your DF and tell him how it makes you fel. How would he feel if your parents waltzed in and changed things around?

Not apologetic at all. We moved out a month later, which was probably a good thing.

I think how bothered I'd get by this would depend on how often it happens and whether or not I'm given warning. If it's just every couple of months and they phone to say they plan to come and agree what jobs they'll do with your husband then I'd accept it as annoying but copable with. If they just pop in, don't agree jobs in advance and come more frequently I'd want to set ground rules, namely

1. Don't come into house unannounced and don't let yourself in if no-one is in and you haven't arranged to come.
2. Only do jobs in house after discussing it with your husband (who will check its OK with you)

If they aren't willing to do this I'd change the lock and not give them a key and tell them (or get husband to) tell them you aren't happy with them just popping into your house whenever they feel like it. Make sure you and your partner always phone them first before visiting though.

Move

Agree with others who say to tell your DH, to tell them, it is not on. You have no privacy ever, you can't do anything without wondering if they'll walk in, you can't do as you please in your own home.... no no no no no .... I am amazed you have tolerated this for as long as you have without exploding!

My MIl letting herself into my house, no way in hell. Change the locks and tell your DF to grow a pair.

Get a chain put on the door. That way, they can't let themselves in when you are there and it wouldn't be as confrontational as changing the locks.

She sounds like a nightmare but I doubt your DF will say anything to her. It's down to you to be firm with her and lay some ground rules (such as hide the iron or at least your husband's ironing!)

Leave the house a complete mess, piles of washing, ironing, washing up and lounge on the sofa in the nude then when they arrive say about time - have you seen the state of the house !!

LOL twims. Leave all your DH's ironing in a big pile with a note on it saying, 'For you dear MIL, because you like doing it so much.. xxx' And ask her where she would like you to keep your things.

"Leave your key in the door when you know they are coming so they have to knock."

Then don't answer

My pil used to just turn up and walk in the back door any time. Mil only worked up the road and used to just walk in my house to see my dc as she was early for her shift (caught an early bus more like noone is that early accidently!) She used to walk in with the house in all sorts of states of disarray especially when ds1 was newborn and I used to be so embarrassed A few times she even bought a colleague in to "see the baby"! Always just wandered in the back way with hello only me! My mum was shocked and used to tell me to always lock the door but you can't do that in the height of summer can you? It all came to head a couple of years ago when dh and I were at the front of the house one evening when suddenly appeared with a friend in our front room with a friend! We were so shocked we jumped out of our skin practically!!! Anyway we were more hospitable that they deserved dh made a cup of tea and chatted to them etc. Later however mil rang later and had the cheek to tell dh off because we were aparantly rude and unfriendly towards them and it was embarassing especially for her friend. She was actually angling for an apology from dh and us for our rudeness! Anyway to cut a long story short they now always ring if they plan to visit and come to the front and wait to be invited in. I would still never ever give them my key. Oh and yadefnbu. Ask for the keys back imo!

oops! Mentioned the friend twice there!!