or stupid. Posibly AIBS is far better question!

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Well, sometimes stupid is the FAR better word!

Anyway, to get on with it ..I find it VERY hard to listen to people. It's not that I don't care or anything, but I simply can't process what they are saying for any length of time, or keep my attention on them. I also 'topic hop', and when chatting away, suddenly change subject without actually changing the subject, iyswim, or say something out loud after having a long conversation in my head, so something totally bemusing to the other person comes out, they have NO idea what I'm on about and are left like

Ask psycho. oh the shame of meeting her and, in the middle of a serious conversation, suddenly exclaiming "Oh LOOK, a rabbit" I am SO lucky that she saw the funny side.

Anyway, I find it hard to have conversations with my husband. He, otoh, wants to talk and talk and talk when we have something to decide. He likes to 'break it down' and debate each aspect. I tune him out.

So I have suggested to him that instead of talking to me, he emails me, and we will debate decisions via email, because then I will be able to participate properly. I am SO much better with the written word. Speaking, understanding, processing, communicating verbally is really hard for me (plus I don't really LIKE it that much! ). Give me a keyboard and it's trouble free!

So. Is it stupid to do that? He thinks so.

Sensible I think, if you feel it will improve communication btw you. Slightly odd, though, but who care's about that!

I am bit like this two sentences into the conversation and my mind starts to wander.
I have a good friend who likes to 'talk', I actually got up and walked off without realising I had done so, whilst she was mid flow
I prefer to read than speak, so YANBU!

Wow - I thought I was the only one - I can block oout people talking and start looking around me or at their clothes or mannerisms and I thought I was a bit mad to be honest - I also think that perhaps I irritate people by changing the subjest of a conversation if I am not interested - I do do it quite bluntky apparently - is their a special name for this?

Never thought of emailing to get over this though - do you not just ignore what the other person says if you are not interested though and type just whay you want to?

I say things like "I don't care" because I don't. But dh says I have to stop that cos it's rude.

MC - I don't think I'd ignore, no. I hope not! I think I would be able to type out my argument very well! I can't hold my ground verbally, I get ?? confused? overwhelmed? angry?

I block him so well (not just him, of course ) that I actually hear nothing. I have no idea if there's a name for it - other than bloody ignorant bint

I'm far more eloquent in type then I am verbally.

My Dh is like that -he has Aspergers

We do a huge amount of our major desicions, including finallising both our children's names by email

DH and i always do our serious stuff by Email. Too many distractions once we're home.

Hecate , at least you recognise it as a character trait in yourself. Not many people are that self aware. I think it is a good idea to email, am surprised that your DH who must know what you're like, doesn't think so too.

My most antisocial character trait is that I just do not remember faces or names. I can be talking to someone all evening at a party and the next week will not know them from Adam. It is a bit and can cause offence.

me too! I have moaned about it on here MANY times! I've had people at my house and then not recognised them - my son's LSA said hi in the street and I had no clue who she was - she'd been working with him for a YEAR!!! dh hisses "wave" at me in the car . I can never remember names and you know, after months or years it just becomes too embarrassing to let on!

I can't pick my kids out of a group photo oh and I don't always recognise them as they walk towards me. I tend to look out for their coats, which I DO recognise.

I'm having cbt atm, and it came up, and she said it's an actual condition. But then she did also ask me if I've ever seen a psychiatrist (or she may have said psychologist) so the condition may in fact be lunacy.

Hecate I can remember going to pick up DS from nursery when he was a baby.
There was a row of them asleep in htier white vests, I had to have several goes before I could pick him out
Quite good at names and faces.
I have a terrible habit of interrupting others conversations with completely random statements. I cant stop myself, something comes into my head and i panic that if i dont say it there and then I will forget what I need to say.

Active listening? Can you explain or link?

Mrs McCluskey are you me, I have often said this if I don't say it now I'll forget although I think its better once you recognise it in yourself I really try hard now to pay attention

Although went away with MIL for weekend and she told me to go to bed because I fell asleep while she was talking to me
In my defence I was alittle tipsy

The inability to recognise faces is a real condition called "face blindness" or Prosopagnosialink here. I don't think it's necessarily linked with problems listening to people though, so that's separate

i do this too
doesn't everyone ?

I think i'm worse with quieter or slightly nervy people...i have this ridiculous feeling that i must to keep the convo flowing
so i bumble along changing subjects as i go.

i also tune out husband ...have also said 'i don't care' (generally because i have been too tired tbh)

Not a stupid idea at all to use email at all. I use letters with ds sometimes when i really want something sorted (he has aspergers so is a visual learner).

Just realised Hecate while posting on another thread maybe we don't have the ability to concentrate on a conversation anymore as we are always listening for the screaming angelic voices of our dcs

Hecate, being unable to recognise faces is called prosopagnosia. A friend did her final year dissertation on it.

There is a chap who introduced his girlfriend to his mum, at a family wedding, only to discover it wasn't his mum - well, she was the right age, grey hair,same height, how could I tell? he said

He could only get home by knowing: 2nd right, 3rd house, too.

You're a rare find, you know!

AMumInScotland beat me

Not stupid at all - a very sensible solution to quite an irritating problem (speaking as one whose DH has the same issue as you, Hecate!)

The faces thing came up in a programme about prem babies and some of the interesting problems that some of them have - one little girl couldn't recognise her mum if she changed her clothes (e.g. took off her coat/scarf in the middle of a supermarket)

And on another note, definitely not stupid anyway because one of the consultant haematologists I worked with had this problem and she was far from stupid (although we came to the conclusion that she suffered from something called hypermania, where the brain just runs on too fast and jumps around too much to cope with ordinary conversation )

I'm terrible for tuning people out, especially if they are not particularly interesting.

I'm also crap with names but I have a cunning solution:
I say 'I'm dreadfully sorry, I seem to have forgotten your name'
If they reply with eg 'Bob' you then say, 'oh I know it's Bob, it's your surname I can't place' and vice versa if they give their surname 'oh I know it's Smith, it's your christian name I can't quite remember'.
Works like a dream as it makes them think you haven't totally forgotten them.

I have to use this a lot . I'm one of those people whose reputation usually precedes me so people know me but I'm left thinking who the fuck are you??

that topic-hopping - i do it and it s dreadful

so embarrassing

I wish i could stop - i think my mind just goes into overdrive