Would this piss you off?

[Wigglesworth]

Another post about my Mum, sorry guys I bet your sick of hearing about her.
My Mum has just phoned and said she has quit the job she has been at for a month (and did not stopped bitching about it and was threatening to quit the day she started) and it has really wound me up, a bit of background info first.
Mum has been caring for my Nan who has dementia but is now in a home and has been since Xmas. She has got a job at a local shop for a couple of days a week, she doesn't really NEED to work financially as my Dad has a good job, although very stressful. She doesn't have any qualifications and has always worked part time in shops for a long time. She constantly complained about every job she had and was never happy and made out like it was really hard and stressful. She also has form for applying for jobs and getting them and then quitting very soon after cos she doesn't like it or cos someone has said something out of turn to her (who doesn't get this at work though). She got a job filling cream cakes at a bakery in a well known supermarket chain, the bakery manager told her she was filling the cakes too full, she came home in floods of tears and quit!
She has now quit this job and I just feel really pissed off with her work ethic. She said she didn't like it, it was stressful and she couldn't work the computer and it's too much responsibility and she wasn't doing it for £5.85 an hour.
I just feel like she does this all the time and I don't know why she applies for these jobs and then quits the minute she doesn't like something. She doesn't really have much option of jobs she can do cos she doesn't have much experience and no qualifications and she doesn't want to learn a new skill. She is generally quite unrealistic in life and is actually quite spoilt. There are lots of unemployed people out there who would kill for that job and I think she wastes companies time and money by doing this. She doesn't see how fortunate she is to be able to just quit a job when it pisses her off, not alot of people have that option. When she does work she literally whinges about it constantly to my Dad who just keeps his trap shut for a quiet life when he has a really stressful job himself.
Okay sorry rant over, AIBU? The fact that she has quit the job isn't the issue, it's just the fact she has form for this sort of thing and with the current economic situation I think she is just really out of order.

I work with someone who's sister is like this (she's just under 60). When she's working she claims things make her ill or that she's being treated unfairly. Hasn't worked more than 2 months since I've known her (10 years) and has only had 3 jobs in all that time. Her son doesn't talk to her and it's all her SIL's fault. Needless to say, her sister says she's just a lazy cow who's spent her life trying to be a victim (whilst also paying for her bills and sending her clothes etc)!

You're not alone. Ignore her as it sounds like it's not going to change!

Sounds like she doesn't want to work really but feels guilty if she doesn't, so has a go then finds a reason to quit. There's a big signal in your note that screams attention-seeker too - she likes the drama. Ignore her, tell her to pull her finger out and don't be interested.

Right, I'm just going to stick an oar in here - I may be completely wide of the mark, because I have never seen any other threads about your mum, as I'm quite new.

I'm wondering if she could be depressed. She has been looking after your nan (her mum?), which is a very difficult an emotionally draining job. I don't know if she found it very stressful, or very rewarding, but either way, there's been a big change in her life. Maybe she feels lost as what the purpose of her life is now? Maybe she feels guilty about your nan being in a home? Maybe she wants to be looked after herself. It's interesting that even though you say she doesn't need the money, she's not content to stay at home. Maybe she's trying to fill the time.

Of course even if she is depressed, that doesn't mean she isn't also annoying! She does sound very negative (a symptom of depression, or sometimes just a character trait), which is really hard for you. I speak as someone with experience of demantia, and of a relative with depression.

isn't it better that she does quit, and then gives someone (possibly) more needy a shot at it?

That was meant to be dementia, not demantia !

The depressed theory seems very likely to me.

I hear you Wiggles and understand the frustration but I think you're taking on her issues (and sorry, I'm sure there's more to this that I don't know as haven't seen other threads).

As long as she's not round your house begging for money or hanging around because she's got nothing better to do, you have every right to think she's ridiculous but you should let it go because it doesn't affect you?

And of course, if she's whining to you all the time you need to try to stop her - perhaps with a sentence or two you trot out every time, "Mum, if you're not willing to stick with a job, please don't come complaining to me because you don't have one" or whatever.

[it also helps if you can throw something after you've talked to her on the phone? ]

I think I agree with Oska that when I read about her behaviour, it sounded like attention seeking behaviour to me.. and it's clearly working, as you so are so worked up by what she's up to. Could you try detaching yourself from this a bit .. on the one hand it it would deprive her of the audience that she needs to really make this behaviour work for her and on the hand it would give you a chance to relax and focus on something more interesting (for you I mean, not suggesting your problem is boring; I for one was rapt )

Thanks for your replies, a lot of what you all say makes sense. She is an attention seeker, she goes to the doctors with the slightest problems, she sings to DS at the top of her voice whenever I am trying to have a conversation with someone else in the room and keeps lookng at everyone whilst she does it (checking that we are watching what a fab Nana she is ), just a couple of examples of what I see as attention seeking behavoir.
She could be depressed after looking after my Nan but TBH she did this with jobs before taking on caring for my Nan. She also just assumed that when I go back to work after maternity leave that she would be looking after DS for me all the time. She would constantly make comments about me going back to work and how it would be a shame for her not to look after DS cos she is at home all time.
He is going to nursery for 3 days and we have asked her to have him one day a week. When I asked her she replied "Is that all, just one day?" and keeps making comments about how we shouldn't leave DS in nursery all day and that she could pick him up early for us. Now some of you may think that is a nice gesture but it is her way of trying to muscle in, she does it all the time. The moment DS was born they were constantly trying to get myself and DH to go out so they can babysit, it felt really pushy and felt like they were trying to get rid of us. After they had babysat for us one night we came home and before they left my Dad said "you know your Mum would like to see more of DGS", they see him once if not twice a week . Sorry just needed to vent, I have a lot of issues with my Mum which probably sound really trivial but she really does wind me up sometimes.

Forgive me if I have got this wrong, but is sounds like the parenting roles have reversed. Maybe having to parent her own parent has knocked an already not overly mature person back into needy adolescence...and guess who gets to be her mum? (to replace the one she has lost).

Try replacing the words my teenage daughter in your narrative and I think you'll see what I mean!

BTW my own mum very much in this mould,so I do understand(or could just be wildly projecting onto your situation!).

Wigglesworth the background you give make me see why you need to vent. She does sound like a really frustrating character