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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that the nurse should NOT have given the MMR

42 replies

SnowlightMcKenzie · 10/03/2009 16:04

to a little boy today.

In the GP waiting room was a lovely little boy, watching the screen and looking for his name to be called.

We were in there for just about 20mins and during this time his 'chatty' dad kept telling everyone how much his son hates injections and that he's going to scream and so will have to be pinned down. He kept repeating this to every new person that came in.

Well when this little boy was called he went without fuss whilst his dad said to everyone 'Right, let me take my coat off ready to pin him down'.

5 seconds later the boy came running back towards us sobbing that he was scared. His Dad the grabbed him and physically wrestled him into the nurses office. We then heard screams and load crying and the little boy came ot in a right state with his dad smiling at everyone.

Now I know AIBU to suggest he isn't immunised, but surely the nurse should/could have insisted that she had the boys cooperation and told them to come back another time. At the very least, the Dad would have to consider HOW to get the boy to cooperate rather than physically.

Perhaps I just don't 'geddit' though, having no children that have been old enough yet for the MMR. AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 10/03/2009 16:06

Soeaking as someone who had to pin my DS down twice a day for about two years to clean his teeth.. I would have pinned him down, too

nailpolish · 10/03/2009 16:06

well at least its over and done with
the nurse wasnt at fault but the dad sounds like a right twat

glad hes not my dh

Flier · 10/03/2009 16:07

Yanbu, How can a parent be so silly as to keep telling all & sundry that his ds will react this way? Of course he will react in that way, if that is what is expected.
Makes me feel really angry when I see parents reacting to things, of course their children are going to model their behaviour

themoon66 · 10/03/2009 16:07

DH used to get the DC all wound up by talking silly like this. Don't know why he did it. Made me so bloody angry. Kids were fine when I took them.

AMumInScotland · 10/03/2009 16:07

Frankly it sounds like his dad is the one with the issue - if he keeps on and on about how much the boy hates injections, it's no wonder he does!

rubyslippers · 10/03/2009 16:07

you generally have to hold/pin a child to be immunised if they are little as they won't keep still

how old was this little boy?

maybe the dad was trying to let people know that his son was likely to be upset so people wouldn't be all when he went in?

nametaken · 10/03/2009 16:08

I'm not surprised the kid was scared if the father spent 20 minutes talking about how much he hates injections,, how much he'll scream and be pinned down. bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy really.

The nurse only administers the injection. I expect it was his father that physically restrained him. And his father who gave permission for the injection.

So yes, I do think YABU. Being restrained for a few minutes is preferable to dying a horrible measles related death, don't you think.

Lulumama · 10/03/2009 16:08

not really the nurses decision not to immunise though? if the father was wanting teh MMR given, and was prepared to hold his child.

sounds like the dad was being incredibly thoughtless and silly though

the nurse could have suggested to the father a different way to get his child to co-operate, but it might not have worked, let's face it most children old enough for the MMR booster are pre school, and aware of what is happening, so perhaps likely to make a fuss regardless

annh · 10/03/2009 16:08

What age was the boy? I thought MMR was given at 13 months? Sounds to me like the dad had already made an issue out of it before they even got in to see the nurse. Surely if the little boy was scared, telling all and sundry that he would have to be pinned down was not exactly confidence-inspiring?! On the other hand, if the boy always makes a fuss about injections, what would be the point of getting him to go away and come back another day? I know injections are not nice for children but they are given so quickly that the screaming and fuss are over almost before they begin. If nurses sent away everyone who didn't want to cooperate, the system would be in chaos.

Tinker · 10/03/2009 16:08

I'm not sure how you could get the boy's co-operation? Was he 13 months? The dad just sounds like he was a bit anxious about the whole thing himself and maybe it's not usually him who takes him to the GPs? [sexist]

Flier · 10/03/2009 16:09

Some children do have to be pinned down, though, unfortunately, my friends dcs (3 of them) all had to be pinned down for injections, but I think thsi was because she was so nervous about them getting injections that they picked up on her fears

psychomum5 · 10/03/2009 16:09

sound more to me that the dad was the problem, telling everyone how bad the little boy was going to be.

if I had someone tell all and sundry that I was going to hate something, then I would regardless of whether it was hateable or not.

poor poor lad.

please don;t blame the nurse, tis not her fault the dad is a twat

2shoes · 10/03/2009 16:09

pmsl(soory) bit if I had to get my dd ok every time she had to have something nasty done , she would be dead(cp and spiepsy)
so yabu

CatchaStar · 10/03/2009 16:09

But surely if that's how the little boy reacted to having injections, coming back another day would just work him up again?

Injections hurt, nobody wants to have them. On the other hand, this parent thought it was the right thing to do for his child, so went for the mmr.

The nurse will have seen all this before, she was right to do it if that's what the parent wanted.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 10/03/2009 16:10

I think it was silly of the dad to keep mentioning the fact that his son doesn't like injections and would have to be pinned down. presumably this was in earshot of his son, so his son would obviously have the predisposition to act the way his dad was describing.

But having said that if his son is just as bad every time he needs an injection then I would have just gotten it over and done with. He would have been most likely (according to his dad) acted the same anyway.

This is why I send my dad in with DD (DH always at work when she has her shots) and I am useless, my dad is a bit more calmer than I would be lol.

Niecie · 10/03/2009 16:12

I think a little YABU. The Dad sounded worried and was trying to make light of it. He may have been a bit cacked handed about it but he obviously knew what he was in for.

I don't honestly think that coming back another day would have made any difference. I am sure if the child is that upset by needles, going home to calm down wouldn't have stopped the same thing happening the next time he went back.

I didn't tell all and sundry about it but I had to have DS1 straddling my lap facing me, whilst I held his arms down by his sides to have his last injections. The nurse and I were calm and kept talking to him but it made no difference. Short of leaving it 10 yrs or more I doubt we would have got DS's cooperation to ever do it. Sometimes it really is best to just get on with it.

CrackerNut · 10/03/2009 16:15

YABU really.

It took 3 people (me, the nurse and a student nurse) to pin dd2 down for her injection.

The alternative was that she not have it, which to me wasn't an option.

Original poster

SnowlightMcKenzie · 10/03/2009 16:16

Oh I know the nurse had to do it really, but the scene actually made me quite teary.

I wanted to scream at the dad 'YOU'RE NOT HELPING!'

Thanks for leting me get it off my chest as I've been thinking about it all as it upset me. The boy was 'scared' (About 3/4 years old)

OP posts:

Sidge · 10/03/2009 16:21

YABU - if you waited for a pre-schooler to co-operate for an injection you'd be giving it when they were 15!

But the dad sounds like he was behaving like a knob and really didn't help the situation. Far better to be kind and calm and matter of fact about it, and hold him firmly. IME most pre-schoolers wouldn't be half so fearful of their jabs if the parents hadn't whipped them up into a frenzy about it.

popperdoodles · 10/03/2009 16:23

Sounds like preschool booster mmr. I had to bribe ds to have his done. Ds 2 was a bit of a toughie and was not phased said it didn't even hurt etc etc. The dad sounds like he was making a big deal out of it but maybe he was nervous himself it's not nice to have to hold a child down and have a whole waiting room of people hear your child screaming. Got to be done though....

gasman · 10/03/2009 16:25

If it needs done it needs done. I can imagine a thread on here along the lines of "and I waited all afternoon at the doctors to get him vaccinated and then little Johnny started to cry and they wouldn't do it - lazy workshy tossers...."

Really winds me up at work when you need to take blood from a child and their parents go on and on and on about how much it will hurt and what an evil nasty doctor you are.....Grrrr!

This is rEally not helpful especially as if the local anaesthetic cream we use works well the kids often don't notice. (I accept that sometimes it doesn't work partic. well though). I had a row with an 8 year old the other day who refused to believe I'd put his drip in as he hadn't noticed. He looked really quite perplexed when I showed him the blue thing sticking out of his hand!

And... when they get a bit bigger postponing things if they are distressed isn't always helpful as they just learn that to avoid having X or Y done they need to make a big fuss. This is fine if it is something that is optional and can be postponed but not quite so great when they need IV antibiotics because you think they have got meningitis.

mm22bys · 10/03/2009 16:41

Very, none of your business. (Nearly) all babies cry when they get their jabs.

If all children had to come back when they were "calm" none would ever be immunised and the waiting list would be huge.

Original poster

SnowlightMcKenzie · 10/03/2009 17:47

mm22bys He wasn't a baby,he was a child old enough to understand what was going on and why. All babies might cry at the actual jab, but this boy had been made unnecessarily frightened before hand imo, by his dad.

And his dad was making it everyones business.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowlightMcKenzie · 10/03/2009 17:49

When was that disclaimer put at the top of this topic?

i.e If you don't want a row, toddle off.....

OP posts:

oska · 10/03/2009 17:58

What a disgraceful way for a father to behave. He should have spent the 20 minutes talking calmly to his son to prepare him. Kids only have their parents reactions to emulate. Bit like telling your kid there may be sharks in the water before you go swimming...

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