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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed I've been told I've got lots of spare cash by people who waste all of theirs?!

27 replies

slightlyonedgemum · 10/03/2009 12:06

At work on Friday I checked in my wallet and exclaimed that my weekly spending money was still intact a week later. The three ladies I work with all started on about wishing they had £50 a week to spend and it's been brought up again this morning.

I use my credit card for food and petrol and that's about it (unless Christmas is coming up) as I had a huge bill left over from my wedding last year and our flight company going bust the day before so £1k was spent on last minute tickets. I'm now trying to get it down and am currently down £400 on what it was (in 6 months). My £50 a week cash money (as I told them) is spent on any food I need to buy mid week, presents for people, meals out, cinema, things my child needs for school, tickets for charitable events etc. And I often end up with money left over (like last week) and I then use the excess to pay off my credit card even more.

My colleagues, one has just paid £2500 for the balance for a weeks holiday (my holiday this year will cost £600 including petrol and excluding days out but we have entertainment permits) and regularly spends hundreds on shoes and trousers, another had £2200 worth of sofa delivered yesterday (mine cost was part of a £350 deal we did the lady who lived in our house before us to buy a bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers, 3 shelving units, a dining table and 6 chairs and our sofa bed), and the other has a fast car, a 2 bedroom house, no children, lives on fast food and ready made meals, always wears new clothes and will always buy you the cheapest crappiest present possible (I admit that's just a niggle).

Do you think it's unfair of me to be feeling bitter?!

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 10/03/2009 12:09

Ooo, don't talk about money in work! It's bound to cause grief! I'd keep your mouth well shut next time, even though technically you have a point.

rubyslippers · 10/03/2009 12:13

you seem to know a lot about their spending habits

you do sound slightly fixated on money - yours and other peoples' - perhaps you should talk about it less at work?

they might feel it is a "waste" that you have a big debt left over from your wedding but that was your choice - just like spending loads on a sofa is a choice, or loads of money on a holiday

it is all relative i think

morningpaper · 10/03/2009 12:14

never ever discuss money with anyone ever

except your husband, MAYBE

HecatesTwopenceworth · 10/03/2009 12:15

I think that it would be good to flip this and look at it from the other side, in order to understand.

Why exclaim? They weren't asking. "Oh WOW, I have all my money left!!" How do you think that was percived? Could it have come across to them like you were, I dunno, ...boasting, or whatever. "Look at the money I have". There was no reason for you to look in your wallet and tell them that you had all your money left, was there?

When you tell people your personal information, they can then use it against you. Far better to keep your gob shut.

LaDiDaDi · 10/03/2009 12:18

Everyone has their own priorities with regard to money.

I used to spend mine like your childless friend (though I gave generous presents ) but my priorities have changed.

VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 10/03/2009 12:19

If my weekly spending budget was still intact a week later i certainly wouldnt feel the need to share it with my work collegues, or anyone for that matter

FAQinglovely · 10/03/2009 12:24

"my weekly spending budget was still intact a week later i certainly wouldnt feel the need to share it with my work collegues, or anyone for that matter"

Oh I would because I'd be so shocked and it would probably mean I'd forgotten to feed my DS's for the week

Original poster

slightlyonedgemum · 10/03/2009 12:26

I do think I probably should have just thought before I spoke (I was seeing if I needed to go to the bank), but yes money is something they often discuss (I don't because I don't like hearing about theirs if you see what I mean).

The debt on the wedding was unexpected just due to being let down by people who'd said they could do things (friend who said they could do photos then had another wedding etc) and really, presents to say thank you. But yes I chose to spend it and I don't regret it-I'm determined to clear my credit card though!

I think part of my being annoyed about the expensive holidays is this is a lady who kept going on about waiting for her MIL to die so she could pay off her mortgage as her and her (second) husband) had worked so hard for their money and if they didn't have nasty ex's they wouldn't have a mortgage. Her MIL's house was sold and their mortgage paid off within 2 months of her death so I guess it's probably a past issue I had that made me annoyed with that (I never said anything as it wasn't my place, just made me feel icky and sad).

I suspect that with most things, past issues make you feel/be more unreasonable!

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 10/03/2009 12:28

It's weird that you all know so much about what each other is spending and how much money you've each got. Stop discussing money.

VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 10/03/2009 12:36

No no, i would keep stumb as it would probably mean i'd forgot to pay someone who i owed money too

nickytwotimes · 10/03/2009 12:38

See, this is why you should never discuss mmoney outside the home.

FAQinglovely · 10/03/2009 12:40

ahh that would also be a possibility - the exclamation from me would probably be along the lines of "oh sh*t I've still got that money in my wallet - who have I forgotten to pay"

MitchyInge · 10/03/2009 12:44

YABU to spend so much time talking about money with your colleagues instead of asking them if they think female ejaculation is a myth, whether they can do a poo without doing a wee before or at the same time and whether they have ever had a 3some and other topics that are actually interesting.

Original poster

slightlyonedgemum · 10/03/2009 12:45

That was pretty much mine-I was wondering if I'd got money out to pay something/someone and forgotten!

I don't like discussing money with anyone apart from my husband as its always made me feel icky (childish but true). Unfortunately, as my husband is an unpaid student teacher, most people can guess we're skint! Lots of people offered us furniture when we were getting married and I'm sure it was out of sympathy (although I appreciated the gestures)!

OP posts:

Original poster

slightlyonedgemum · 10/03/2009 12:47

Oh and no way to those questions-they're all (at least) 25 years older than me. It'd be like asking my Mum! Sometimes they do start those type of conversations too-I tend to disappear to find a file and hope they've stopped by the time I come back!

OP posts:

warthog · 10/03/2009 12:51

smug.

but i agree about living within your means. i bet they lie awake at night wondering how they're going to pay off those gucci shoes...

Notintheknow · 10/03/2009 14:16

You are all so bloody right about not talking about money with anyone. It's such a terrible idea and I can't believe it's taken me so long to realise it.

But just out of interest, when friends of yours raise the issue of spending habits, overdrafts, mortgages, salaries etc do you just change the subject?

jumpingbeans · 10/03/2009 14:20

FAQ, that would be the case here too, there always too much month left at the end of my money

MorrisZapp · 10/03/2009 15:42

I talk about money all the time. Never seen the problem with it myself!

Especially amongst friends and family.

tiredsville · 10/03/2009 15:47

Why do you all have this urge to know each others bank balance? If you really are adamant you dislike the constant discussions about money, you could easily not participate.

Original poster

slightlyonedgemum · 10/03/2009 15:55

I would like to know how to not have conversations about money too-we're hoping that once my husband starts paid work in September we can buy a house and people tend to ask how the prices are locally, then you know they're trying to work out how much you earn etc. I tend to just say 'oh the prices are going down' but I know it'll get worse when we're actually looking and buying.

As for not participating, apart from making the comment that lead to my being annoyed, I tend to just get on with my work whilst singing in my head .

OP posts:

warthog · 10/03/2009 18:17

you just avoid answering directly. 'well, it depends', 'if we find the right house...', or talk about how the market is locally. if they don't get the message that you won't talk about your finances, just say 'i prefer not to talk about my finances.'. smile sweetly. or you can say you're working really hard to save and you'll just have to see what you have when the right house comes up.

you won't believe how many questions you can avoid when you set your mind to it. people do get the message, unless they're unbelievably thick-skinned.

FAQinglovely · 10/03/2009 18:20

yeah but just make sure you don't tell them your address once you've moved - or they'll go and look on a website such as ourproperty to see how much you paid for it

SalBySea · 10/03/2009 18:23

noone but my husband and I know how much our weekly budget is or how much we allow ourselves a week for snacks and treats and socialising etc, or infact that we have a budget at all.

I feel utterly shocked on occasions when people ask out right how much my house or sofa cost - I try to mumble and change the subject

Money is such an emotive issue that you cant really discuss it without someone taking issue or getting upset

warthog · 10/03/2009 18:44

i hate it when people ask me questions like that. i don't ask and i don't like to be asked. only discuss money with dh. no-one else.

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