To expect DS's school to have a consistent policy on attendance throughout Reception?

[Scrumplet]

DS is four and halfway through Reception. When we were choosing schools, his now headteacher told us she was very flexible about attendance in Reception - I remember her saying, "He can come one day a week, if you like." From her perspective, it's all about feeling happy, settled and secure at school. All this was music to our ears, because DS is young for his year and had experienced some trauma before he started school, which had made him less secure.

DS has been doing five mornings a week since Christmas, and is set to start two, and then three, afternoons after Easter. I feel this has worked beautifully - his confidence has steadily increased and his clingyness has lessened. Since the recent half-term, he has wanted to go to school, been cooperative in the mornings, and been chatting more about the things he does there.

What isn't working about this arrangement is that, while the headteacher is very laid back about Reception attendance, where we'd thought this was school policy, it is clearly only her view, not DS's teachers' (job share). Because DS has been settling well, she has said she'd like him to do some afternoons after Easter - hence our plan. Yet I have lost count of the amount of times DS's teachers have asked, throughout the year, when DS will be attending afternoons, that they would like him to start now, that he is missing so much - this module and that - by not attending in the afternoons, and that they have all this uncompleted work of his ...

One of DS's teachers recently asked me if he'd do one afternoon a week from now until Easter, to do a particular activity. I have talked with DS about it, 'bigged up' the activity, and I would like him to try it. But I believe it is ultimately his decision, because he believed he wasn't starting afternoons until after Easter. It has taken time to build up his trust and security, and I don't want to march over it, changing the plan. And - regaining some perspective - it's bloody Reception, FFS! Does it matter THAT much?!

I explained to DS's teacher this morning that he wouldn't be coming in in the afternoons before Easter. She looked at me as if I'm barking mad. Am I?! I feel torn and a bit fucked off, TBH, because the head's flexible attendance policy was very important to us, and has worked well for DS - and yet her staff don't seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet. I feel judged as a bit of a loon for standing my ground on something they don't seem to understand. Do I make DS go in to keep on the right side of his teachers (who will be his teachers again next year)?

There'll be a parents' evening in a few weeks. Is it worth bringing this up and saying that there is a need for a more cohesive policy on Reception attendance?

Oh and, FWIW, DS is progressing fine with reading, mixing with friends, etc, so IMHO, doesn't need to be in more often this term.

God, this is long! Angry rant over.

At my daughters school they stagger the starts so autumn babies (like DD1) start full time in september, easter babies start full time after christmas and summer babies start full time after easter.
DD2 was born at the end of August so she will do two terms of mornings only. Apart from having to spend all day going back and forth to the school, I think it works quite well.
there is no way DD2 would be ready to start full time at only just 4.

I'd be inclined to say most of that (except perhaps the swearing and the need for school to have a more cohesive policy) to teacher/head.

Might be that teachers are trying to say that they like having your ds in class and feel he would benefit from more teaching?
Tell them why he wouldn't, if you really believe that.

If your DS is happy with the way things are right now (I've seen some children who are DESPERATE to go full time) then stand your ground. Talk to the head first to ensure you and she are on the same page then raise it with the teacher at parent's evening so you can clarify the plan. Ask if she's got any issues with that.

I agree with your perspective ... it is reception. I wouldn't be worried about him missing out on anything from an education point of view ("unfinished work" - FFS!) but more socially. If he's got friends and is happy, then there's nothing to worry about is there.

I worry for my dd2 who will be 4 and 2 weeks when she starts school. She'll be full time from Christmas if she gets into the school dd1 currently goes to, but from the first half term at the other school! Not likely.

Is reception the equivalent as primary 1 in Scotland? I.e the first year of full time school? Or is it like pre-school, where you choose to only go mornings or afternoons?
I don't really understand the way it works as I'm in Scotland and you start school in Primary one and you go all day for 5 days.
It sounds the way you've worded it that he is expected to be there all day every day.

Reception IS the first full year of school. They start the academic year that they will be 5. My DD started in September at 4 and 6 weeks. To make it easier for the teachers, our school splits the start the eldest 1/3 of children starting first. However, my DD (obviously one of the youngest) started only a week later, she did 1 week afternoons, one week mornings plus lunch and then in full time. I don't understand all this fussing about with the little ones - she loves school, settle well, and whilst obviously being tired just goes to bed at a sensible time.

are all the other children full time?
If so then imo your ds will be missing out on topics and letters/sounds etc
but the teachers and the head should be singing from the same hymn sheet so I would be about that
In Sept presumably he'll be doing full days in Y1 so personally I'd get him doing full days after easter so he has a term to get used to it

I'd imagine it's hard for the teachers to keep remembering to "go over" things your DS has missed. Reception children do work that lays the foundation for future learning, in a play based way - but it is important and they are learning.

I'm sure you're doing what you think your DS needs and I do understand, my dd1 is an Aug baby and letting go of her was so hard when many of her Sept born friends were still at preschool. But after a few days of (serious) tears she was fine and loves it now.

Please try to examine your motivation and be sure that you're not suffering from the same inability to let go of him that I was - I don't think that's good for the children in the long run.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't address the issue with the head that the reception teachers approach to attendance is different to hers.

Thanks for helpful replies. I will say something - politely! - at parents' evening.

Linnet, legally, a child doesn't have to go to school in the UK until the term after his fifth birthday. This is what most of our parents would have done. Even my generation didn't start until the term they turned five. Now it's the year they'll turn five - although, again, this isn't a legal requirement, more a trend.

So I could keep DS out for the whole of Reception year if I so chose, but I'd rather he be involved as much as he can handle - and I found a school which I thought would accommodate that with their unusually flexible approach to Reception. So DS is not expected by his headteacher, nor required by law, to be there all day every day until September.

at your post, Seeline. This isn't about your DD, who may well have been ready for full-time school in September (good for her - and I'm glad she had the opportunity to enjoy what was right for her), but my DS, who really wasn't (I mentioned in the OP that he had experienced some trauma prior to school which knocked him a lot). One size doesn't fit all, especially at this young age, and an awful lot of schools (more than not, where I live) recognise this in some fashion, with staggered starts and the like. DS's teachers have several parents asking for their DC to attend full-time when the staff feel they are not ready for five mornings and five afternoons. DS didn't love school to begin with, didn't understand why he had to separate from me (who he especially needed at that time), didn't settle well - for him, it's been a blessing that there's been so much flexibility.

compo - some of DS's classmates are still part-time, about a third of them. DS knows all his letters and sounds and his teacher is happy with his reading progress. He will be doing all mornings and several afternoons next term so that, as you say, he'll be used to full days come the autumn.

Thanks again for posts.

madrush - that's a fair point, and I am aware of sometimes being protective of DS. He's been through a lot, and there is a risk - you're right - that I will sometimes overcompensate. And I am dreading him being full-time because I will miss him! But I know that I must let go. However, in this particular instance, I do strongly feel that because he has been told he'll start afternoons after Easter (headteacher's words), he accepts this, doesn't want to do them before, has said people are "breaking their promise" if he has to - to make him do them now risks breaking valuable, rebuilt trust.

His dad's going to have another go at persuading him to give this afternoon activity a go but, again, my gut's telling me it's his call.

My son was 4 1/2 and did half days Sept-Christmas, one week of lunch and home at 1pm and then full time the second week in January. Worked well for him though day two he wanted to stay for lunch.

My daughter was 4 and 1 month when she started and she has done the same as her brother. I was pleased she didn't do full time too quickly as she would have been too tired and I can't get them into bed any earlier (7pm)

My youngest is 4 in June and going to school in Sept and I assume he will do the same again and again I think he needs the gentle start.

Emotionally I think DS1 could have gone full time sooner and academically DD could have done but we had no choice and it is all fine. I won't miss the 3 trips a day once DS2 is full time though.

We just had parent evening with DS3 in Reception, they seem to do a lot of things about their reading, formation of letters as well as more day to day things to get them more independent and confident. I know that the teacher he will have in Year1 askes a lot from them from the start so missing too much,even in Reception would set in back I think.

FWIW I always thought full time reception was compulsary. But as your Ds's circumstances seem to be a bit different, I think it is great that they try to accomodate for his situation.

We had a bit of a bumpy ride with DS3 when he started Reception as he was poorly the first wek and missed the "ease in" periode. After his first day, he was so scared that he was feeling physically sick every morning. I would have appreciated the option of half a day, at least for a few days, weeks. Things have settled now but it took time.

You sound like you have a lovely relationship with your son.

The keeping a promise aspect is very important to ensure he can still trust you, so I'd say what's the point of pushing him to do the afternoons if he can remember that you said it'd be different?

I would try to make sure that he's there full-time before the summer though. Restarting school in September can be another wobble point for children and you need to mitigate that as far as possible by making the "normal" school week happen before the summer hols.

And beware, once he's settled into Year 1 full time you'll be the one waiting for a last glimpse and wave as the children file in and he'll be chatting to his mates and won't even notice you......

Full time reception is definitely not compulsory whatever the school says ... it is, as Scrumplet says, only compulsory once that 5th birthday is triggered. Having seen the MASSIVE variety of reading/writing ability in my DD's year 1 class, I don't think there is any issue with taking it at his own pace. So many countries don't even attempt to teach reading/writing till age 7 yet still produce literate, well-educated children, so it is a bit OTT to say this 4 year old (who is currently on target anyway) will suffer from an educational point of view.

FWIW, I think my daughter would have been able to cope with school at age 4. DD2, who will only just be 4, is a different story ... she is not as emotionally mature as her sister was at the same age (something to do with 1st and 2nd children?) and that is what I worry about.

It seems that your system is completely different from the Scottish system.
Here children don't start full time school as young as 4. They start when they are 5 or roughly 4 and a half.

For this year the criteria is, children who turn 5 between 1st March 2009-28th February 2010 will start school in August 2009. Schools only have one intake and it's in August you can't start in January or after Easter here. My dd2 is 5 in May so will start this August. If your child has a December,January or February birthday you can hold them back until the following August so they are a little older.

I started school at 4 and a half as my birthday is January and it didn't do me any harm. My dd2 though would have loved to have started last August but she was to young which was a shame as she was ready to go to school, she's had to wait until this year.

But every child is different as you say. Now I understand how your system works it all makes sense.

In the school DS goes to, there is a mixed nursery/reception class. The term after children are 4, they start going mornings only. They do that for two terms, and then start going full time in the third term.

Children born between September and March will do four or five terms in this class (depending on when their birthday is).

Your son would just be doing mornings at our school I think (he sounds as if he is a summer birthday). If the headteacher is saying one thing, teachers in the classroom should be doing the same.

In Scotland children go to school when they are 5, there is only one cut off date end of february.
So a child born on 1 march is 5yrs 5months when they start school and a child born on 28th febuary is 4yrs 6 months.
Children born in January/Febuary have the option to stay back a year.

So although i feel the Scottish education system is superior on many fronts.
Staggered entries make much more sense and half days a very appropiate if the school can accomadate them.

My son is being kept back (DOB 5/02/05) and will be the oldest in his year group for ever. Starting at christmas would have been a better option for him or half days till christmas.

To OP stick to your guns tell teachers to discuss with head if they have an issue with your sons attendance.

i wish they didn't have to go until they were 7 years old. Eldest son would have been a happier boy if this was the case.

in Stoke on-Trent chidlren attend school nursery the September after they turn 3. (The first 6 weeks are mornings only then full time after that.

I opted out by going private as I did feel that was too young. However everyone at the dc's school copes well with full time in reception class.

The day seems to be structured so that the more formal learning activities are done inthe mornings and fun, social stuff in the afternoons. If everyone else is full time there will be alot that your ds is missing.

oops cross postining linnet

The OP says about a third of the children are part time so I doubt there is anything that all of them are missing.

I find it odd that this is your DS's decision.

I started school at four, the term after I was four and I am 34.

I have personal experience of this.

Dd's birthday is 30 August. Born prematurely.

There was absolutely no way she was ready for school.

I sent her mornings only for the whole reception year, up to the last three weeks when she did all day. There was no school policy - it was MY policy! In fact I never discussed the issue with the head; I just went my own sweet way.

The teachers said she was ready to stay for lunch about half-way through the year, so she did that, and managed well, and then I picked her up after lunch.

Dd had job-share teachers as well, and they both heartily agreed that in dd's case the part-time structure had worked well. She was so timid and bewildered (in spite of having an elder brother at the school) that it would have been cruelty to leave her at school all day.

Now in year 1 she is absolutely fine. And her reading/writing is great - no worries at all.

Some children might be fine to start at just 4, but many others aren't. Stick to your guns.

I do agree that people didn't wait until 5, or didn't in the school I went to (am 33). There were two entries per year, September and January. I am a September birthday though so was very nearly 5 when I started.

I started school at 4.9 (March birthday) and my dd began in January (June birthday). Apart from the newer intake having 'home' dinners for the first week, they all were ft-schoolers from the word go. My dd did go to the nursery attached to the school though so she was well accustomed to 2.5 hours in a slightly more formal setting than a playgroup or home.

I think it's a shame that there are differences between countries in the UK wrt to starting school and also that we start formal education so young.

To be fair it sounds like they aren't saying he has to go in for this afternoon, just that they think it would be beneficial for him. They see him at school and how he is at school and it would seem they feel he could cope. I hear what you are saying about trauma before he started and it having been difficult for him but I do think you need to be careful that you distinguish between needs and wants. I'm obviously not in a position to judge what his needs are so I'm not saying you're getting it wrong. Just that I know as a parent sometimes you can be almost too close to the situation and maybe not always realise when your child is swinging the lead a bit.

FWIW my summer baby often said she'd rather do half days in reception but I knew she was ok doing full days and I didn't want to give her the impression she had a choice because I thought it would be harder to then take that choice away in yr1 than to have never had the choice in the first place. I know there were a few kids that did do half days which is probably where she got the idea from. They only had a couple of weeks before going full time at the start, and no staggered intake.