to think she is not really being a friend and i am just an "extra"

[baskingshark]

an acquaintance living in my area has recently made a lot of effort to socialise with a lot of people.so far so good. she has been nice enough to invite me over along with a few others but each time has not spoken at all to me during the evening.there are usually only 6 to 8 there and the same happens in the pub etc.I am not very out going and probably quite boring but feel miffed that this happens each time.so am i just a big saddo or should i expect to be included?I am nice but don't have as much to say as the other people there who have big egos/personalities.I end up feeling a bit embarrassed and have stopped going.i get the feeling this is networking and i am making up the numbers.i also think i should make more effort but don't seem to know how.the others seem to have a good time but i always feel left out.

Just wondering if others feel this is ok and once invited its my problem whether i enjoy myself or not.Doing this thread i realise i won't be going any more because even elsewhere she turns her back on me and i end up feeling daft.

It doesn't sound as if you are natural friends maybe forget about it for a while, but invite her if you do host something yourself.

Many people seem to feel a need to invite everybody they know to go with them to everything they do. I have a friend like this and because she universally likes everybody, she doesn't think about how it might feel to be a) shy person getting ignored or b) outgoing person having to provide free entertainment and draw everybody out.

I much prefer small groups of like minded friends myself. Feel free just to say that you don't want to go.

'The more the merrier' might apply to discos and weddings etc, but not to midweek socialising ime.

yes i think its up to her at her own house but maybe a bit off in a pub to not listen or talk over people.What happens is two or three of them talk constantly without listening and everyone else just sits and listens.So i'm not the only one not talking much but after several attempts i'm obviously not enjoying it.

Maybe you are not the only person in the 'group' who feels like this? Is there anyone else who clams up and stays in the background whilst the main 'few' people take the stage?

i don't think she's necessarily trying to slight you. It just sounds like she and a couple of her friends are big talkers.

If you want to pursue the friendship, you should propose seeing her one on one. Or maybe you could strike up a separate conversation with another "listener"? In a group that large, it's easier to have side conversations, IMO.

I don't like the group dynamic myself, preferring to be with just one or two others for a good chat.

Well i'm not the only one who just listens but i'm not sure if i'm the only one who minds.The rest of the group know each other better and so i'm on the outskirts anyway as i don't know what anyones talking about half the time.
on one to one we get on fine but i'm the same with my friends whatever the place or occasion but i think she has different people for different things so thats why it feel its a bit fake,more like networking.

I do hate the concept of 'networking' it is so false. People in business do this and they have no interest in the people - all they care about is what the can get out of them. That is not friendship.

well maybe i'm being a bit sensitive but thats probably not going to change now.The best plan is host something of my own to repay hospitality and be more on my own terms.

actually, without being harsh, I think it's YOU that's the problem. Don't get me wrong, I write as a very shy person who always hangs on the edge of the circle feeling left out. But I also realise it's down to me to make the effort and chat to people regardless of who the hostess is and who I know. Go for it, you never know - you might meet some really nice people who you can socialise with separately.

branflake i agree,i think i am the problem as well as it not being the most welcoming group but i don't think its possible for me to overcome the way i feel in these social events.

sorry branflake what i mean is i've been going to these events for a year or two now and i do make an effort,but i am left out as i'm probably not as forceful as the others despite me trying to be so.
I mean its a bit pathetic but thats actually the way it is.I haven't been particularly happy the last couple of years and that is impacting on the way i'm interacting and my confidence.