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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH to take the day off tomorrow as DS is poorly?

12 replies

sw1 · 09/03/2009 22:10

I work PT but have a really important week this week. DH runs his own business with his uncle (they don't get on) and have a quiet day tomorrow. There is no reason why DH can't look after our baby tomorrow but because he is generally walked all over by his partner he has really coped a strop with me!

He called him to let him know but he didn't answer his phone......so is now walking around the house like a bear with a sore head.

I feel bad for DH working with a bully, but cross he would rather DS go to nursery or I phone in to work again.

AIBU to make a stand??

OP posts:

Sails · 09/03/2009 22:12

No yanbu

nametaken · 09/03/2009 22:14

YANBU - he has to take his turn to stay home with sick children as well as you.

rookiemater · 09/03/2009 22:14

YANBU at all. I am p/t and have quite a lot of holiday, DH is a contractor so we are seriously out of pocket if he doesn't go into work.
However if DS or CM is ill and all our other contingency plans won't work then DH and I will make the decision about who takes time off based on a) who is busier at work b) who was off last and c) which persons work is going to be more understanding

Your DH presumably has no issues with your income going into the family coffers to cover living expenses therefore he has to take the rough with the smooth and unfortunately the occasional day off work is part and parcel of being a parent.

dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 22:15

no, his kids too

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 09/03/2009 22:16

YANBU.

Unfortunately kids get ill and we have to cope with it however we can. This week it seems that your DH is better placed than you to take time off work.

choosyfloosy · 09/03/2009 22:23

YANBU.

After tomorrow is over though, I do feel sorry for your DH in this work situation - presumably he's trying to get out of it.

Original poster

sw1 · 09/03/2009 22:28

Thanks for the support everyone. I wish he could get out of this situation but that would have serious ripples across his whole family. He has to put up with some horrible stuff from his uncle. Uncle also says I should be at home full time etc etc so with regard to tomorrow we are on to a losing battle. This is dispite me having the secure job whilst they are in the building trade etc. Makes me soooooooooooooooo cross!

His uncle hasn't even returned his calls or text messages about tomorrow.....

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 09/03/2009 22:35

YANBU

I guess he's probably worked up about it because he knows this will cause more problems with the Uncle and really doesn't want to have to deal with more of it and that makes us all a little tetchy doesn't it.

Was it a joint decision for you to work PT? Does he value your PT job? Or does he see it as being an inconvenience that stops you being there for this type of thing?

Does he have a plan for sorting things out with the Uncle??

ChippingIn · 09/03/2009 22:37

x-post - sorry!

Maybe ripples need to be caused. He will be the one to have the breakdown/heart attack - not 'the whole family'. I know it's tough, but sometimes you have to think about yourself and your immediate family first and deal with the consequences....

Original poster

sw1 · 09/03/2009 22:40

No he is hoping his uncle may die!
I guess he has no plan then!

He does value my job, I trained hard to get it and finacialy we need it and benifit from it. We have great family support on my side its just they are not around tomorrow. I really worry about him though......a great deal.....it really is continuous bullying......

OP posts:

Original poster

sw1 · 09/03/2009 22:42

Chipping thanks. He said to me earlier he feels like having a breakdown.......I feel worse now......

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 09/03/2009 23:14

I think he should perhaphs plan something a little less drastic!

It's good that your DH values your job, it didn't sound like it in your OP but I think (now) it's not so much he's ranting at you, just that he's worried/fed up/pissed off with the situation and knows this will make it 100x worse.... gotta feel sorry for him really don't you.

I hope you can figure out a way forward to get him out of this situation because it isn't good for him, nor you.

IF, as you say, he values your job and isn't just being an arse and if it's going to make the situation so much worse for him, then is making a 'stand' the best way forward for you both? Are you making a stand with him or with his uncle - who benefits, who loses out and who gets hurt??

If I could, I would take the time off tomorrow as it's clearly stressing your DH a lot, but I think you need to have very serious talks about doing something about the uncle (and not burying him on one of the jobs!!).

Flip