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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect people to say 'excuse me'?

29 replies

MrsMerryHenry · 09/03/2009 00:20

You know when you're innocently walking down the street and then all of a sudden you become aware of some idiot virtually stepping on your heels because they want to get past you, or they virtually flatten themselves against the wall, trying to squeeze past you because you're in their way? Why the hell don't they just say 'excuse me'? It drives me nuts. Today I had some idiot actually hit my leg (not hard, but they did it several times so I know it was deliberate) because it was in their way as they were trying to get off the bus. I turned around but they'd already got off the bus.

I'd had my back to the door and obviously had no idea that my leg had been in the way; did they assume I was doing it deliberately? If so, why not just ask me to move? Are all these people incapable of speech? Is this just a London thing, or are these idiots travelling up and down the country?

OP posts:

emkana · 09/03/2009 00:21

I reckon you're being oversensitive

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 09/03/2009 00:22

OOOOHHHH!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 09/03/2009 00:23

Funny thing was, emkana, when I saw your post in Threads I'm On, I thought you'd put it on your own thread and was most confused as to why you'd say that to yourself!!

OP posts:

emkana · 09/03/2009 00:23

pmsl

Alambil · 09/03/2009 02:03

Sometimes when I realise I'm in the way, I stay firmly in the way until they say something to me - deliberately.... cos I'm mean like that.

Or if they barge, I say "I think you meant EXCUSE ME!" or as DS usually pipes up "Mummy - he pushed - that's RUDE isn't it!" I get to have a genuine conversation about it

FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 02:04

well I often wonder why people don't move when I repeatedly say it........gradually getting louder each time I say it..........

RoseOfTheOrient · 09/03/2009 02:15

on the flip side of this, I hate it when people don't say thank you when you purposefully make way for them, or hold the door open etc. You know, if it is a narrow street and you stand to one side to let them come through first...and they just waltz past...I say very loudly "THANK YOU SO MUCH!" and they look shocked and scuttle off

Alambil · 09/03/2009 02:25

oh yes, I do that bit too!!

ninedragons · 09/03/2009 06:20

Ah yes, the people who breeze through the door you're holding open like you're the sodding bellhop.

I say loudly YOU'RE WELCOME! and offer a prayer to the gods that they get crabs in the course of their next sexual encounter.

nooka · 09/03/2009 06:25

Umm if you are in someone's way why is moving such a big deal? I would have thought obstructing someone is equally or more rude than not saying excuse me. Some people think asking someone else to move is rude in any case, so saying excuse me can be seen as aggressive, which may be why the trying to get around someone without putting them out by saying excuse me and having them move may have come about. and breathe...

London is just a rude place I'm afraid (and I'm a Londoner).

scienceteacher · 09/03/2009 06:39

I think it is easier just to step aside. It is rude to block someone's way when you are aware that they want to pass. It shouldn't get to the stage where they need to ask.

BouncingTurtle · 09/03/2009 07:48

Nooka - most people don't have eyes in the backs of the head... sounds like MrsMerryHenry was talking about people walking from behind her.

nooka · 09/03/2009 14:42

Oh I know, I wasn't having a go, just giving a different view point. I don't think that saying excuse me is always a completely neutral act.

fizzpops · 09/03/2009 14:58

Really annoys me when people do that on trains when I am blocking them into a window seat. Don't make a move until the train has pulled into the station and the doors have been opened before picking up their belongings and looking enquiringly at me. Cue me rushing to gather book, bag, coat, scarf, drink etc in double quick time so they don't miss their stop. Why not just say, 'Excuse me'.

People walking side by side taking up all the pavement and expecting me to leap out of the way into the street rather than that they walk in single file for ten seconds also irritates the hell out of me.

There is a thread somewhere about stuff that really irritates....

Wizzska · 09/03/2009 14:59

Yes people should say excuse me, but also people should have some spatial awareness in a crowded place and not block platforms, gangways and doorways. People in the way are much more annoying than people who are too timid to say excuse me. I agree with nooka, excuse me often sounds a bit confrontational especially on a commuter bus or train when everyone is silent.

Yes BT, I am afraid in london you need eyes in the back of your head. It is not difficult, if you are near the door, be aware of it.

My biggest bugbear at the moment is people on narrow pavements walking two abreast vacantly chatting to their friends whilst forcing people walking in the other direction(me) to have to walk in the road. I now just barge them.

Wizzska · 09/03/2009 15:03

Fizzpops, I think people wait until the last minute before standing up to avoid wobbling over. I'd much rather someone did that to me than they get up early and end up falling into my lap. Also it is really annoying when somebody tries to get off trains early and tries to get to the doors as it means everyone else has to be pushed past and has to re-arrange their positions when the train is moving. Surely it is better to do this when everyone else is moving and getting up to get off and there is room in the gangways from people who have left the train.

steamedtreaclesponge · 09/03/2009 15:06

Ooh Wizzska, that annoys me too - especially on buses. I always want to shout "Why are you getting up! The bus is moving and you can't go anywhere!" I mean, it's not like the bus is going to drive off again before you get a chance to get off, is it? All you end up doing is squashing everyone else or standing dangerously on the stairs.

Wizzska · 09/03/2009 15:07

Thanks for the support steamedtreacle - I thought I'd be flamed for that. Am a hardened London commuter and I don't like putting up with this kind of rubbish.

nooka · 10/03/2009 00:44

Totally agree Wizzska (cool name BTW), although I think it is helpful to gather your things together prior t the stop so that the person knows you are likely to get off. Of course then you have some people who try and make you get up before the stop (and fall over) so that's not ideal! The problem is that full trains/busses are a bit of a nightmare either way.

mm22bys · 10/03/2009 06:57

YABU to ^expect^ it but YANBU to think it's the right to do.

A little courtesy goes a long way. It's all about karma - do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and all that!

fizzpops · 10/03/2009 08:18

I agree that to make someone stand up is not ideal but I need a bit of warning too! I am a London commuter and try and be thoughtful of the difficulties and hope others are thoughtful in return (I am not always disappointed), but it can be just as inconvenient to make someone rush to get out of your way as it is to ask them to move too soon.

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 11/03/2009 22:52

FAQ, if people don't hear you, why don't you just gently touch them on the shoulder and say 'excuse me'?

Nooka, I think 'excuse me' only sounds aggressive if you say it aggressively.

As for the idea of having to have eyes in the back of one's head and being constantly aware of where your body/ belongings are in relation to everyone around you? Sounds a bit bonkers if you ask me! How could you possibly get anything sensible done?! I certainly don't deliberately block people (though if I saw LewisFan doing it I'd giggle understandingly ) but it irritates the hell out of me (in case that wasn't clear already ) when people barge or hover.

Also I agree with those who get peeved by the holding door open/ bellhop thing - until now I thought I was the only one who sarcastically says 'you're welcome' as they pass! Maybe next time I should ask for a tip...

OP posts:

Pan · 11/03/2009 23:08

yes, I noticed a nearly full moon tonight too, MrsT.....

hmc · 11/03/2009 23:21

Yes it is totally a London thing. Can't imagine why people live there personally. I always notice the lack of civility when I visit

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 11/03/2009 23:41

Oh dear, Pan, I'm sure you're referring to a past conversation but my mind is a blank...! (hi, by the way!)

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