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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to insist my passenger (dad) had his seat belt on before i gave him a lift home

23 replies

nannyL · 08/03/2009 21:00

were at my grandparents house about a 20min walk from my dads house... (3 min drive)

it was really cold, dark and pouring with rain so he willingly accepted the lift i offered.

so we got in the car... he refused point blank to put on his seat belt until we were out of the drive (drive short and we were next to the pavement)... i refused to drive until he put his seat belt on.

he would not put it on until we were on the main road... i would not drive until he put it on...

so he said fine he would walk, and got out in a strop... and off he walked home

(i think he expected me to follow as i did last time, but i thought bugger you, and went back inside my grandparents house )

AIBU to refuse to drive my dad (57 years old) without his seatbelt on?

(i think not, but im sure he thinks i am)

My rule is in my car, i do not drive unless everyone is properly strapped in.

OP posts:

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 08/03/2009 21:01

Not unreasonable at all, he sounds like a three year old having a tantrum.

Mutt · 08/03/2009 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alambil · 08/03/2009 21:01

Why wouldn't he put it on on the drive? weird man!

YANBU - your car, your rules

Hulababy · 08/03/2009 21:02

YANBU. It is the law. He was in the wrong. Let him walk.

loobeylou · 08/03/2009 21:02

YANBU - and if caught with a passenger NOT strapped in, YOU as driver are responsible

SimpleAsABC · 08/03/2009 21:03

YANBU but if it were my dad he would think that I was in the wrong. In fact he'd tell you I was just being "twisted".

Generation thing perhaps?

Tidey · 08/03/2009 21:04

It is the driver's responsibility to make sure everyone is wearing a seat belt. I know it's unlikely you would've been stopped by police or been involved in an accident on such a short journey, but you would be the one in trouble even though your dad had made the choice and refused to wear one. It's never worth the risk. YANBU.

abbierhodes · 08/03/2009 21:04

As the driver, you are only responsible for passengers under 14.

However, YANBU OP. I agree,your car, your rules.

MarlaSinger · 08/03/2009 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grendle · 08/03/2009 21:06

YANBU!

Original poster

nannyL · 08/03/2009 21:07

pleased others agree

i agree my car my rules, and yes he's over 14 but i would have to live with myself if i drove someone who i knew wasnt strapped in and they were hurt in an accident regardless of their age!

OP posts:

Tidey · 08/03/2009 21:11

Okay, I may have that wrong, I assumed it applied to everyone, not just under 14's. However, it is still the law that seat belts must be used if there is one. I'm a bit baffled about his refusal to put it on until you were in the main road though. Does he drive? Does he only fasten his seat belt once he's moving rather than when he gets into the car?

HeinzSight · 08/03/2009 21:15

The way I see it, an unrestrained passenger in the car could become a potentially deadly missile in the event of an accident, they might get away with it, but they may kill someone else in the car, inc you, the driver.

So no YANBU!! Well done I say.

hercules1 · 08/03/2009 21:19

SOrry I think you were being unreasonable. It was very unlikely he would become a deadly missile whilst you were driving off the drive.

Original poster

nannyL · 08/03/2009 21:22

yes he drives

when he drives himself he wont put his seat belt on until he is out of the cul-de-sac in which he live ... or if not at home until he has driven out of the car park or 'down the road a bit' (NO IDEA why )

I on the other hand was saved by my seat belt 5 mins into a journey last year as we rolled laods at 50+ mph into woods and feel very strongly that seat belts saved my life and the lives of my friends who were also wearing them, therefore in my car wearing seatbelts is NOT optional!

OP posts:

Original poster

nannyL · 08/03/2009 21:26

hercules i agree it is highly unlikely that he would become a deadly missile while we reversed off the drive

BUT its the principle.... it was dark POURING with rain, and i was reversing onto a main road, which although has a 30mph speed limit, many people use it as a cut through and whizz down it at 50+mph, hence i decided that a seatbelt was needed for me to drive my car!

OP posts:

DrTrillianAstra · 08/03/2009 21:32

YANBU, and you are very brave, I find it hard to stand up to my dad even on silly things.

JemL · 08/03/2009 21:34

YANBU.

Even if you were reversing slowly, someone else could still have come tearing down the road and hit you. How does your dad think you would feel if he was hurt while you were driving, even if it wasn't your fault?!

THe people who annoy me are the ones who site BEHIND me in the car and don't want to wear a seat belt - I don't want to get crushed by their unrestrained body in the event of a crash!

Original poster

nannyL · 08/03/2009 21:41

exactly

true my grandmother has been hit while reversing slowly out of that drive...

and a big van was parked right by the drive so i didnt have a full view anyway....

am pleased that (apart from 1 exception) everyone thinks i was reasonable....

im sure my dad will be expecting me to apologise... (i wont! im not sorry that in didnt kill him!)

we often have this debate when i drive but he normally just put his seatbekt on when i refuse to move

perhaps i have now made my point clear and next time i wont get a fuss about it? (we have a fuss about it every journey )

OP posts:

ninedragons · 08/03/2009 21:48

Here in Australia, I believe the driver loses points from their licence if there's an unrestrained passenger in the car.

Don't apologise. He's being a pig-headed old bugger. My FIL thinks it's ok to have a couple of pints then drive. I won't get in the car with him, or let my DH or DD. He gets very stroppy about this but I couldn't give a flying fuck.

BionicEar · 08/03/2009 21:49

Good for you standing up to your dad!

I'm like you will refuse to drive unless everyone has seatbelt on.

Actually last year had friend and her new BF in car. He kept trying to take seatbelt off as I said everybody need to wear belts. My LO was sat in back and kept telling him off every time he tried to undo his belt. Was very and he stop eventaully cos he was getting peeved that LO was being seatbelt police!

Actually adults are responsible for themselves. Remember having driving lesson and police stopping car to have words with my instructor as he did not have seat belt on and issuing him with a £70 fine.

ChippingIn · 08/03/2009 22:32

NannyL - YANBU - it doesn't matter what the law says, it's your car thus your rules... anyone who doesn't like it can walk. It would be you that had to live with the consequence if he went through the windscreen when you were driving....

piscesmoon · 08/03/2009 22:38

YANBU - I wouldn't drive anyone, what ever their age, without them putting on a seat belt.

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