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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ditch this 'friend.'

13 replies

ladyofshallots · 08/03/2009 15:26

I have been friends with this person for 15 years (since school) and she is godmother to my dd. When dd was born she made a big fuss of her, bringing presents round and visiting lots. Dd is now 3 and over the past two years we have found that the visits have tailed off and she did not remember dd's birthday. I can let that go, but what followed really upset me.

She is getting married this summer and asked me and dd to be her bridesmaids. dd was very excited about wearing a princess dress. A few months after asking us, she told me, via facebook, that her wedding had been 'credit-crunched' and she was no longer having me and dd as bridesmaids. Not only that, but dd was no longer invited to the wedding! I really would not have minded if this had been clear from the beginning. It is just that dd was disappointed and her hopes were dashed.

I can understand that some people don't want children at their wedding. I also understood that finances may be tight, so I was understanding about this; although privately I was also a little miffed that she thought that facebook was an appropriate medium for communicating this to me.

However she then posted in her status update about how much she was looking forward to her holiday in an ice hotel in Sweden(or somewhere similar) and how much vodka she was going to drink. I thought it was a little crass to be posting things like this after using finances as an excuse for cutting dd from her wedding. I thought it was tactless in the extreme.

She has also not shown any interest in dd at all and I really regret choosing her as godmother. I am starting to re-evaluate this friendship and what I ever got from it.

OP posts:
ladyofshallots · 08/03/2009 15:36
Sad
OP posts:
slightlyonedgemum · 08/03/2009 15:42

It doesn't sound like she's really suitable to be a Godmother if she didn't think about your daughters feelings when she changed her mind. Then to say about the holiday. Do you think her husband isn't into children or has she always been insensitive?!

islandofsodor · 08/03/2009 15:43

You don't disapoint children like that. And as for lling you via facebook!!!!!!!!

jojosmaman · 08/03/2009 15:45

It sounds to me like it is fizzling out anyway, I don't think you need to make a conscious decision to end it as such. My brother was christened and has no idea who is god parents are, some friends come and go, some who you think you will only be friends with for a short while turn out to be long term friends and vice versa.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 08/03/2009 15:47

It sound as though you and your friend have grown apart. It happens unfortunately. She should have been more considerate with your DD but probably doesnt realise how upset she would be. Have you spoken to her? Or just chatted on facebook? I'd speak to her....I bet you'd be able to tell how genuine her reasons are for you and your DD not being bridesmaids. You've known her a long time...you'll know if she's lying etc.

MadameCastafiore · 08/03/2009 15:48

This is her wedding and not your DDs - your DD is 3 she will get over it - do you really expect this woman to plan and execute her wedding around someone elses child?

ladyofshallots · 08/03/2009 15:49

I don't think she is keen on children tbh, something I should have realised before choosing her as godmother. Her dh to be doesn't seem keen on them either.

She always used to say if she ever had a child, she would just have the one and it would come out of the 'sun roof' so she could have a tummy tuck afterwards, Then she would go straight back to work. She also said if she ever had a child it would only be allowed to draw with white chalk, so as not to ruin her decor.

OP posts:
ladyofshallots · 08/03/2009 15:50

No I don'y, MadameC, but she should have thought of that before she asked us!

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ladyofshallots · 08/03/2009 15:54

Plus, I don't think you disinvite someone to your wedding, whether that person is a child or not.

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piratecat · 08/03/2009 16:03

well she is entitled to do what she wants, as you know, but she has been crass. Facebooking you is cowardly, and if you were that important she would never have done it like that.

I think your friendship has gone, and that you should concentrate on those you do like and have respect for and vice versa.

Peopl echange, it hurts but they do.

debs40 · 08/03/2009 16:07

I think you wouldn't have been so upset if she had handled this is an appropriately grown up way - ringing you to talk her decision through - and if you didn't doubt what she was saying about finances.

It does sound like you are moving apart and it may be that you need to reevaluate this person's part in your life.

Yes, she can ask whomever she wants to attend her wedding but she is not treating you with any courtesy or respect and that is a minimum for a real friend.

sarah573 · 08/03/2009 16:08

Sorry but I would be unable to find any childcare for DD while I was at the wedding and therefore be unable to attend - and don't forget to tell her via facebook!!!

piratecat · 08/03/2009 16:13

nice one sarah!!

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