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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is slightly strange??

53 replies

emmabemmasmom · 08/03/2009 11:02

My DH watches Spongebob Squarepants with my daughter and he enjoys it...which my neighbor finds very funny...as do I...

We are going out to dinner with a large group of friends tonight and my neighbor wants to wrap up her Spongebob Squarepants underware and give it to my husband in the middle of dinner as a joke.

We have only known our neighbors for a few weeks and invited them as they were here when the idea came up.

I am all for a joke and a laugh and I do find it very funny and know my DH will find it funny too...but I know he will ask me later why she gave him her underware lol I can see buying a cheap pair as a joke...but your used pants???

Is it just me or is that just a bit weird?

Just wondering what people think lol

OP posts:
Original poster
emmabemmasmom · 08/03/2009 12:00

Help me with the master plan lol

Although I would like to set boundries I really don't want to hurt her feelings and I have never had to deal with something like this before. Most people know limits without you having to set them...right? Shouldn't they? lol

OP posts:
TsarChasm · 08/03/2009 12:09

You are dealing with a woman who wears SpongBob undies? Gosh, it's hard to know where to start really.

I don't think you need to be too subtle here, not with someone with a sense of humour like that. Tell her she's weird and to keep her pants to herself.

ithinkimtallandblonde · 08/03/2009 12:38

YANBU if any woman gave my DH her pants regardless of what they had on them my head would turn 360. You should tell your DH and then phone her and tell her its completely mad and that he will be furious. God good luck she sounds like something out of psycho.Tell us what you do won't you.

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2009 12:47

let her do it
hopefully the reaction of the large group of friends will tell her how inappropriate it is

kettlechip · 08/03/2009 12:49

I'd start being far less available or this could become a nightmare - she sounds more than a little odd.

Stop providing her food and cooking for her for a start - by eating at your house 4 days a week she probably barely needs to buy any food for herself! No wonder she's latched on to you, you're probably saving her a fortune at the supermarket!

FairMidden · 08/03/2009 12:53

Has anyone suggested you move house yet?

Because if I found out my neighbour owned Spongebob Squarepants underwear, and intended to present my husband with said garments, that's what I would be doing.

Go. Now. Pack things.

scrooged · 08/03/2009 14:26

Is there somewhere else you can go for tea after school so she can't come round? Do this for a few nights in a row.

She sounds scary. Poor you!

dangfando · 08/03/2009 14:30

Run for the hills!

alicet · 08/03/2009 14:39

I am with everyone else that this is totally wierd and creepy behaviour. Even a close friends giving my dh a pair of their USED pants would be inappropriate. Not sure what you can do about it now though as she has told you a while ago and you didn't say anything then. Unless you call her and say actually now you have had time to think about it you feel very strange about her giving your dh a pair of her used pants!

I think the bigger issue is that she is there every day and even stays for dinner. This is something you need to act on and NOW before it gets even more entrenched and harder to deal with.

No need to be confrontational or rude about it though - I would start by saying to her something along the lines of 'it's time for our tea now - see you soon!' and show her the door. And if she comes round and it's not a good time then tell her (actually do this a few times anyway so she doesn't think she can come when ever she wants).

I would do things like 'Nice to see you but sorry it's not a good time as X is here at the moment - maybe see you on Friday instead?' or 'Ds needs to do his homework now and I'm using the time to do some tidying - see you on Monday at x o'clock maybe?' Get into the swing of making definate plans like this (for a couple of days in advance) and maybe she will stop presuming she can just drop in.

mumonthenet · 08/03/2009 14:47

Phone her and say,

"hey, neighbour, about those spongebob knickers, on second thoughts I don't think it's a good idea you give them to dh. He won't find it funny. I hope you don't mind. Goodbye"

Don't complain. Don't explain. Just say it!

(and then put your house up for sale )

Lenlen · 08/03/2009 14:52

It doesn't sound like a good joke to me too. Although your husband like spongebob a lot it still doesn't justify why he should get a used girl's undies as a joke.

Acinonyx · 08/03/2009 15:07

Pans of boiling water and bunnies come to mind, I'm afraid.

I would definitley be less available - even if you have to invent outings for a while.

I heard a book on the radio written by a refugee who was at one point befriended by a couple who had made it thier business to befriend regugees. Turns out they were getting all their meals cooked for them every day and when she asked to visit them instead next time they were never heard of again.

How about going round to hers for dinner - at least you can leave.

Original poster
emmabemmasmom · 08/03/2009 15:26

She has invited us to dinner twice. We have always gone about 5 to have a little chat before we eat and then leave no later than half 6 so that we can get the kiddies in bath and bed...and also having a kid herself we thought it polite to leave to let her get on with their rutine.

However, she may come over to my house at 1pm and not leave until after 7pm. She will stay for a chat and then I make dinner as I have to for my family and she just kinda lingers...saying the whole time to her son 'oh we better get you home for tea'...but she won't leave!

There are a ton more things I can go into lol my DH is even sitting here right now telling me to write this and that to get opinions lol

I can't really sidestep her as she sees my car in the drive and will text to come over for a cup of coffee and I text back thinking that would be nice...but I really mean just a cup of coffee and let the kids run a bit...

She is a really nice person (pants giving aside lol) and I just don't want to hurt her.

OP posts:
scrooged · 08/03/2009 15:39

You do need to talk to her, she's overstepping the mark and you will end up resenting her. You need to be honest or things will just get worse. Friends are nice, space is nicer! Too much of one person would drive me bonkers!! Distance is the key here, she's getting way too cosy!

ChippingIn · 08/03/2009 23:30

So, what did you do???

You definitely need to get some boundaries sorted. How about saying that it's great to see her, but your daughter needs more 'alone time' with you, so you are sorry but you need to cut back on your socialising in the afternoons, but would love to have a regular 'Monday' cup of coffee to catch up..

Ebb · 09/03/2009 10:23

So what happened? Is your DH the horrified proud owner of your neighbours spongebob pants?!

Galava · 09/03/2009 10:25

Not slightly strange.

Very VERY strange !

LynetteScavo · 09/03/2009 14:08

So what happend?

NotQuiteCockney · 09/03/2009 14:21

Yes, you need boundaries.

(Ahem, but ... I am a grown woman who owns a couple of pairs of SBSP pants. I was shopping for pants, and had one of the DSes with me. They were on sale (wonder why ). I don't hate them, they're pants. That being said - I'm not about to give them to anyone!)

Olifin · 09/03/2009 14:45

'OH and apparantly her partner thinks it is hillarious and was in stitches when she had the idea...'

Is it just me that thinks they sound like the couple from the Catherine Tate show...the ones who think they're really hilarious ('What are you like?!...)

Tsarchasm's post is brilliant, and spot-on.

ithinkimtallandblonde · 09/03/2009 15:14

I've logged on just to come and find out what happened. Come and tell us i'm dying to know.

squeaver · 09/03/2009 15:15

Yes I came looking for this thread too.

What's the update??

Original poster
emmabemmasmom · 09/03/2009 18:32

Sorry to leave update so long!

My DH is now the proud, yet horrified, owner of her pants.

I told him before we got there and he agreed that it was very strange but thought to just make a joke and laugh it off. When he opened it he said "You want me to wash them like?" To which she replied that they had never been worn. She was given them at Christmas by her sister. So at least the used bit was not true...I hope!

Everyone did the uncomfortable laugh...and when she brought it up again my DH just made another joke but a few people did say to us they thought it was rather strange.

Needless to say I don't think she will get invited to many more group get-togethers but at least DH didn't hurt her feelings infront of everyone.

Pants are now in the bin

OP posts:
squeaver · 09/03/2009 18:49

Well done your dh.

What a strange woman. Time for a bit of distance I think.

ChippingIn · 09/03/2009 19:04

Thanks for the update

Strange woman indeed, but nice of yoru DH not to do or say anything that would embarass her.... mind you, if she keeps treating your place like she lives there, he might have to!