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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel disappointed that my dd is 2 tomorrow, and my ''best friend'' and dd's

22 replies

ADealingMummy · 07/03/2009 18:53

Uncle and Auntie haven't even sent a card to her.
Just to give you a bigger picture , my friend has 3 DD's, and I've always made sure they always get a card and present from us on their birthdays and at christmas. Okay, we may well get a card eventually, but it's not the same.

DD's Auntie and Uncle have 2 children , and it would seem they can't be bothered to send one either.

For the first time ever, i'll probably not send cards and buy presents for them all this year.

OP posts:

cluelessnchaos · 07/03/2009 18:55

I am crap at sending cards and pressies my sisters present is sitting beside me that I should have posted 2 weeks ago, people know I love them and I try to call on the day, try not to be too hard on them, doesnt mean they dont care, jsut not organised.

abbierhodes · 07/03/2009 18:56

How do you know they won't bring one round tomorrow? Seems a little churlish to be complaining before the event, tbh.

dietstartstomorrow · 07/03/2009 18:57

Are they too far away to pop in?

herbietea · 07/03/2009 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

escape · 07/03/2009 18:59

I don't think it's hard at all to remember close friends and families birthdays. This is a sore point with me. i live abroad and I am way out of pocket with postage costs etc, and still My DH's family in particular can't be arsed to get in gear with my kids birthdays. I don't find it an endearing trait at all. Yes, I know this is because they are not organised, but to me, that shows that they don't care as much as they'd claim to - otherwise they'd be more organised wouldn't they??

tiggerlovestobounce · 07/03/2009 19:00

Im rubbish at sending cards too. Its an organisation thing, more than a not caring thing (for me anyway )

mazzystartled · 07/03/2009 19:03

sorry but i think it's no biggie
postal efficiency doesn't correlate to how much one cares
she won't know or care at 2.

Original poster

ADealingMummy · 07/03/2009 19:05

None of them are coming tomorrow. They all live too far away to just pop in.

DH and I have come to expect it , as it has happened too many times.

OP posts:

lockets · 07/03/2009 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ellingwoman · 07/03/2009 19:17

It's better to get things on different days - it makes their birthdays last longer! Cards and presents trickle into our house for about 2 weeks. I try to get things to other people but not always possible. You just have to accept there are two types of people - organised and not. I don't think you should stop sending to other people though - the children wouldn't understand

pamelat · 07/03/2009 19:26

Maybe they are turning up as a surprise tomorrow?
Or maybe the post is late and it will arrive Monday morning, in which case no big deal.
However if not sent at all then its a bit thoughtless of them, IMO.

Original poster

ADealingMummy · 07/03/2009 19:29

Thankyou for all your answers .

Okay, well my friend is a lovely person, and I don't wish to fall out with her, and yes she is very disorganised, so I will continue sending cards and presents, as I always have for the past eight years.

OP posts:

Fairynufff · 08/03/2009 14:52

Your 2 year old won't notice, trust me.

Some people just don't place a lot of importance on these sorts of things...
Birthday cards matter to me but I have a brother and SIL who couldn't care less and have forgotten my children on more than one occasion. I was hurt but I couldn't really be upset because they are good to my kids and they just don't share my values about card giving (they don't even send their own kids cards...)

When your dd is old enough she can remind them herself (that's what my kids have learned to do) and then they will have no excuse.

Lenlen · 08/03/2009 15:13

wait till tomorrow. they might be into a surprise. if not, them make up ith her ith a treat.

Janos · 08/03/2009 15:25

Hmmm, as someone is very disorganised with remembering birthdays I think you are possibly (I said possibly!) over-reacting. If it's symptomatic of a general lack of care or interest then YANBU.

However, some people simply do not think it is that important to give cards for birthdays and other anniversaries. If they are otherwise lovely with your DD I would let it go.

Or, you could mention to your friend that it upsets you. No need to be all confrontational, just say you feel a little bit hurt by it?

islandofsodor · 08/03/2009 15:27

I would have no idea when any of my friend's dc's birthdays are, unless we had receied a party invite.

I remember my neice's as it is a memorable date (Xmas Eve) but other neice and nephew I rely on the party invite arriving or my Mum reminding me.

Habbibu · 08/03/2009 15:54

Oh, I'm rubbish and disorganised so am always late with these things. I think/hope I make up for it in other ways, though.

Habbibu · 08/03/2009 15:55

"Yes, I know this is because they are not organised, but to me, that shows that they don't care as much as they'd claim to - otherwise they'd be more organised wouldn't they??" No, they wouldn't. If you're organised you can't see how people are just disorganised, but it really doesn't mean they care less.

Smithagain · 08/03/2009 19:36

Sorry, but I don't do birthday cards or gifts for friends' children, (except when the DDs are invited to a party, obviously).

The only birthdays I do are my parents, DH's and the DDs. Just not really into birthdays, I guess.

Don't get insulted. Send her kids gifts/cards if you want to , but don't feel you have to. She obviously doesn't.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/03/2009 19:40

yabu

MitchyInge · 08/03/2009 19:50

yanbu to feel a small pang of disappointment, yabu to let it enlarge beyond that

thatsnotmymonster · 08/03/2009 19:57

I'm usually quite disorganised with these things. I usually have the card/present but I find it har to get to the post office. I have 3 children under 4 and our local po is at the back of a shop and a logistical nightmare to take all the children into whilst carrying parcels and waiting in a big queue.

However I care very much about my neices and nephews.

Flip