In not telling my sister we are having a girls night out

[BadSister]

Ok I have name changed for this as me sister pops on here now and then so please if you know me don't out me.

Bit of back ground.. my sister is younger then me, is very good hearted and kind a lot of the time, but also can be very me me me.
She is a grown woman who behaves like a teenager a lot of the time, I know she has been through a lot in her life but some of her misfortune is her own doing.

So she does not have a lot of friends and spends time with my friends if we are doing a quiz night or something.
My family are friends with 4 other family's and we all do things together. (sis has a newish boyfriend and no children)

The husbands/boyfriends had a lads night the other week and us ladies decided it was time WE had a night out, so a table has been booked for next Friday for a meal and cocktails, I have not told my sister and I feel bad that I have not, but she has a few drinks and it ends up in a row, last time we went out she got drunk and it ended up in a row with her telling everyone private things about my life (all because of getting a taxi) I know some of the people going are hoping she does not come as she always gets upset about something.

I love my sister and feel bad not asking her but I want a nice night out and not a night full of stress.

What would you do?

Sounds reasonable to me. THis is your group of friends, not your sisters. I'm assuming your Sisters partner was not at the Husband night out.

I think you could casually mention it afterwards, that you had a night out, so it doesn't look like you are hiding it from her. Tell her it was a Mummys night out or something

No her DP was not about , he would have been invited to the blokes thing other wise.

I do include her as much as I can I have just been thinking and I can not think of one female friend she has

I keep to myself a fair bit but as I say we know 4 other couples who are lovely and over the past 4 months have been so helpful to my family as we have had a major trauma (can't say what without outing myself). They are very good and close friends.

I would not mind my sister going out with her friends (if she had some) and not inviting me.

yanbu.

Just because she is your sister doesn't automatically make her a part of your social circle.

My sister has never invited me on nights out with her friends - it just wouldn't occur to her and vice versa.

YANBU

You are not your sister's nanny. It is up to her to get out and about and make some friends of her own without latching on to yours all the time.

Especially as she behaved badly and embarrassed you last time.

Mind you, I can't stand my sister and haven't spoken to her in 2 years so not an authority on sisterly harmony!

She sounds like my sister, In fact me, my mum and my other sister are going with my friends on a girlie weekend soon but i haven't told her because i dont want her there

YANBU its your night out with your friends, you don't have to invite her every time you go out

My mum and sister have been away on girly weekends without inviting me.

But tbh while I realize it's a rejection of sorts they're not obliged to do so just because they're related to me.

Thing is it usually works out like this.
I host the whatever,
Me, DP + kids
Couple 1 + kids
Couple 2 + kids
Couple 3 + kids
Couple 4 +kids
My first hubby
My sister + who ever she is dating
My mum
First hubbys cousins
My male single friend
Same group all the time, and if one of the other couples host something they will more often then not invite my mum, sister, other couples, so it is a social circle.
I just feel bad not telling her, but it is too much stress

Anyone else?

It'll be fine . . . . as long as she doesn't find out. If I was your sister and found out I'd feel sad that I'd not been asked. I completely understand why you haven't asked her though. It's a hard one. If you were to change your mind and considering asking her you ought to tell her why you have reservations, explain how you felt last time.

oliviasmama, thing is when she was with her Ex they used to come over almost every weekend, and they used to argue almost every weekend me and first DH got so fed up with it that we stopped inviting them, she still goes on about how we dumped them/ shut them out and so on.

Our kids were having to put up with auntie and uncle shouting all the time and thats not good for them.

My mother always takes her side and says I am unfair, sometimes sis is a fab laugh but we have not been getting on too well of late with all the stress from a family trauma, I just want a nice night out, is that so wrong?

I think she will be really cross if she finds out, but you can't say well we are going out but every time you come out it ends in you kicking off so we are not inviting you.

I take it she an adult and in being adult she old enough to understand you have a right to go out without her with your friends.

You don't have to tell her anything if you don't want to.

Go out and have nice relaxed evening with your friends and forget about your sister.

she is 32....going on 12 sometimes
I just feel really bad not asking her but I know it will lead to agro

I wonder, with all this detail, if she pops on here tonight will she recognise herself ?