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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking the wany to teach your small son that it is wrong to hit is sister is not to

26 replies

Kimi · 07/03/2009 13:41

Kick him in the small of the back while walking in to Tesco?

Popped over to tesco and on the way in the family in front of us behaved like this.
Small boy (who was walking) hit the leg of his sister who was older then him but sat in the trolley and the "mother" screamed at him don't fucking do that and kicked him in the back

It was all I could do to stop myself doing the same to her.

Bitch!!!!

OP posts:

jack99 · 07/03/2009 13:59

YA def NBU!

It's pretty obvious WHY he thinks it is OK to hit poeople!

I once saw a woman at a cash point with a boy who looked about 8 yo and was chatting away excitedly to her while she got her money. She then casually turned round to him and slapped him in the face hard saying "shut up you are doing my head in!"

And the saddest thing is he took it without a murmur. Looked like he got that treatment regularly.

Original poster

Kimi · 07/03/2009 14:05

OP posts:

mylifemykids · 07/03/2009 14:12

That's awful! I fell out with MIL once because DS (2 at the time) tapped her as he walked past...she walloped him back and so he hit her again, this went of for about 20 seconds before I stepped in! She didn't understand my logic that he'll not learn hitting is naughty if nanny is doing it.

jack99 · 07/03/2009 14:19

That must have made you really mylife. If my MIL did that she would get a good telling of from me and DH!

Why do some people think it is OK to treat kids in a way they would never dream of treating adults? If you want kids to treat you with respect you must treat THEM with respect imo. That includes not physically assaulting them!

Original poster

Kimi · 07/03/2009 14:19

I reported a "mother" at the school who hit her son round the head so hear he ended up on the ground, must have been year 3 at the time I reported her to the school and the social services, and when she had the nerve to try and talk to me I told her if I saw her hit him again I would bloody well hit her.

I don't know why some people bother to have children I really don't

OP posts:

Original poster

Kimi · 07/03/2009 14:20

hard

OP posts:

jack99 · 07/03/2009 14:22

Well done kimi for standing up for that poor kid. Its up to all of us to protect kids but it can be so easy to think "don't get involved".

has she improved her behaviour?

Original poster

Kimi · 07/03/2009 14:26

Jack99 he is at high school now, still looks under fed and in need of a wash poor kid, so I don't see her any more, I have to say I never saw her hit him again while at the school although DS1 said he had a lot of marks on him when they did PE I think they have a social worker now.

OP posts:

Rollmops · 07/03/2009 14:35

One of the biggest tragedies of Homo Sapien Sapien is the fact that reproduction is so easy and even someone, who is a dozen IQ points behind your regular tomato, can go forth and multiply .
Poor poor kids who end up with 'parents' like those.

jack99 · 07/03/2009 14:37

Poor kid. What a sad story.

CrackerNut · 07/03/2009 14:41

Awful, poor boy.

Yesterday I was behind a bloke in a queue in our local co-op. He has a boy of about 18mths if that in a buggy and the little boy was just babbling away as you do, and ocasionally saying dada. The bloke kept saying 'shut up' in a really awful, forced through gritted teeth like manner, and half under his breath.

Felt so sorry for the little boy as he was only chatting, not being naughty or anything at all.

alicet · 07/03/2009 14:52

YAdefNBU.

CrackerNut I could kind of understand this though. On the face of it it's awful. Poor little kid just tryin to chat to his daddy (or in fact anyone at that age). The dad wasn't actually mistreating him though was he and who knows what went before? Maybe he's being depressed, his wife is depressed and he's brought the little boy 'who kjust won't be quiet' out to give his wife a break and just wishes he would shut up? I think this situation although potentially worrying has more scope for an innocent explanation.

jack99 thats cashpoint story is awful

jack99 · 07/03/2009 15:09

Cracker - yes, alicet has a point, at least he was trying to say it under his breath, I think we have all been at the point where our kids drive us absolutely nuts, especially if we are sleep deprived etc. 18 month olds can be very wearing.

Though I hope the dad got some help as that kind of situation can sometimes make people blow and do something they really regret.

It is very different to the sort of casual violence dished out to kids without a second thought which kimi and I saw (and sadly most people have seen this at one time or another).

nomoreamover · 07/03/2009 16:57

monkey see, monkey do....

BCNS · 07/03/2009 17:25

YANBU at all!!

and people wonder why these dcs grow up and become issue teens and problem adults.. grrrrrrr gets my goat.

poor little thing.

Sails · 07/03/2009 20:19

YANBU! When ds1 was going through a hitting/biting/kicking phrase I remember after ds1 started hiting me at my pil and mil said hit him back and if he bites bite him back he'll soon get the message that his behaviour is unacceptable! So you teach a small child (he was under 3) not to hit by hitting them not to bite by biting them that makes sense!

BadSister · 07/03/2009 20:24

I feel really cross when I see parents hitting their children

ChippingIn · 07/03/2009 23:43

I was at Ikea the other week, putting the LO's in our car and I heard a bloke say 'Don't fucking do that again, or I'm going to kick your fucking head in. Get in the fucking car you little bitch!' so I looked up as you do (he was right next to me) and could see a woman getting in the car, 'scary bloke' I think, while trying not to make eye contact with him as I have 2 small kids with me... then I see the child he was actually talking to - a wee mite of about 2, there was another one of about 4 who got in the front seat - neither of them had car seats, if I hadn't had the kids with me I would have done something about it, I tried but couldn't get the number plate either.... it gutted me to think about what kind of a life these poor kids have... neither kid blinked, so I assume they are pretty used to being talked to like that...

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 08/03/2009 00:48

oh lord stuff like this makes me feel gutsick, it really does. i adore ds and even though he can be insanely maddening at times (he's going through a temper stage at 2.9 at the moment, count to 10, breathe...) i have never lifted a hand to him and hope, give me strength, i never will.

i get freaked out when his dad is even a little rough by my standards (grabbing his arms to stop him whacking his daddy in the face, for instance, daddy bears the brunt of ds temper just now!).

casual, daily abuse just haunts me, i wish we could give every child the loving home they deserve.

Fairynufff · 08/03/2009 12:56

I know the examples given are horrible but I do think that if someone had a snapshot of me when I've reached the limit of my patience with kids they would probably not see the loving, chilled out mum I am 90% of the time. (or should that be 50%?). To lighten the mood - if you've got 10 minutes watch this clip on parenthood by Louis CK (Ricky Gervais rates him the best comedian in America) - you will start to look at people balling at their kids differently instead of thinking "what a horrible parent" you will start to think "what has that horrible child done to that poor parent?"

Enjoy...

BouncingTurtle · 08/03/2009 13:03

Fairynuff - IKWYM... but I doubt you skap your kids around the face in public when you are at the end of your tether.

If kids are being abused like this where others can see, it makes my blood run cold to think what might be going on behind closed doors.

I read stories like this and babies/young children dying after lengthy abuse and I just think "WTF is wrong with people?". It makes me feel physically sick to hear about someone chronically abusing their kids.

Fairynufff · 08/03/2009 13:11

I totally agree bouncingturtle but until the judicial system and society takes these things deadly seriously nothing will change.

IMO the state pays the underclass to breed, the courts treat paedophilia and looking at child porn almost like a lifestyle choice and social workers do everything in their power to keep kids in these families because the alternative is too expensive...

It chips away at my soul too but I can't think of we can do other than hold our own kids that much tighter...

MumGoneCrazy · 08/03/2009 13:12

My 3Dc (8,3 & 2) know exactly what buttons to push to wind me and dp up esp when out shopping we've had tantrums in tescos where they lie on the floor screaming and kicking to the point where i feel like tearing my hair out but they are only small children and i would NEVER EVER call either of my dd's a fucking bitch or threaten any of my kids with kicking their heads in

Its disgusting and makes me feel sick if they threaten this out in public what are like behind closed doors

TinySocks · 08/03/2009 13:19

kimi, why didn't you say something to her?

ChippingIn · 08/03/2009 20:06

Fairynuff - I understand what you are saying, sometimes when you are at the end of your tether and you are telling them to GET>IN>THE>CAR>NOW in your least Mother Teressa voice, you can do without feeling every judgeypants in the world is watching... but seriously, I doubt any of us here are anything like this father was. I had seen these kids in Ikea and they were very quiet and subdued - really weren't interacting with the world around them, they looked sad. The parents looked very very rough (judgeypants comment I know, but there you go), and trust me, I look like an unmade bed most days sometimes, so it's not a comment on them not looking 'groomed'.

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