to really want a baby but DH has no job

[pamelat]

I feel a bit like a broken record at the moment.

DD 13.5 months.

I have returned to work a month ago, its going well. I am part time and its perfect.

DH been out of work for 2 months so is looking after DD (and is not particulary happy doing so but is applying for lots of jobs in her nap time).

We had both decided we wanted a small gap age wise between our children.

I have been broody for 6 months or so (and lots of friends now pregnant with their second which does not help).

DD is at a lovely age, sleeping well etc.

I had "decided" to wait until DH finds work. He has applied for 45 jobs in the last month! Waiting to hear back from most of them but unfortunately he worked in the Finance Industry.

Redundancy/savings means that we can afford to pay the mortgage for a year without his working.

My public sector job is secure and I get 6 months full pay maternity leave, so ............. is it irresponsible to get pregnant whilst he (as the main earner) does not have a job?

He says to just get pregnant and see what happens and tha 9 months is a long time away. I feel a bit more scared/irresponsible about it?

when I say secure (my job) I mean relatively.

does he/you have a plan if he can't get a job?

my dh just took voluntary redundancy when I was 7 mths pg,,,, BUT we have a plan to grow my self employed business to support us both.

you could go full time or he could get temp work etc...

so....get a plan for when the money runs out an then go for it!

worst case scenario (which I would do) is that I could become full time. This covers mortgage and bills only (but saves on child care too)

Other than that no plans. He is already applying for jobs on half his original salary and thinks its only "a matter of time" but I am more nervous about it.

Also at the moment we dont qualify for tax credits but presumably without a second income we would?

I agree with fymmum.

The fact that you're asking shows that you aren't totally confident to launch in and have another right now.

IMO, to a certain extent with having babies, you have to bite the bullet and go for it - there will never be a 'best' time. But you have to counterbalance that with some common sense - there will be no joy in having another child if you're frantically worrying about money a year from now. And TBH, embarking on another pregnancy with only one part time job between you is not something I would feel comfortable with.

I understand your frustration because we left a larger than I'd have ideally wanted gap between dc 1 and 2 for exactly the same reason. We had both returned to work and could afford childcare for one but not for two. And these were the days of 16% interest rates, so one of us being home wasn't an option!!

Make a plan together, so that you know what you can do if your DH doesnt get a job.

I want to find something that he could re-train to be but its hard as he has did not go to Uni and a lot of year "add ons" depend on that degree base.

I suggested teaching (everyone we know in life seems to teach) but he would need a degree first and then to do a PGCE year.

He has lots of experience but few qualifications (couple of A Levels) which is difficult in the current job market.

I think that whether you have another baby depends on the health and happiness of both you and your husband. The fact that your husband is unemployed and unhappy is a strong reason to postpone having another baby. He does not need that level of stress piled on to him.

In nine months time your DD will be in the throws of the terrible twos. You may think she is at an easy age, but it is easy for you to say when you are the one working and your husband is doing the child care.

When my bump is born we will have an age gap of seven years. This was not the the way I intended things to be. However every family situation has advantages and disadvantages.

gosh a year of mortgages paid is a fantastic start to TTC - well done you for being so sensible at squirreling away - of course you are not being irresponsible - you saved for precisely this reason!

Enjoy and hope it doesn't take too long TTC for you.

oh and pamelat - re teaching if he applies to the private sector he won't necessarily need all the usual bits of paper - they often prefer life experience over PGCE and traditional teaching routes - as long as he has a very good and preferably prestigious work background

Noone knows what the future will bring but things have a habit of working out for the best. I'd suggest sitting down with your dh and discussing the options. Nobody gets any younger and money isn't everything. What's the worst that can happen? What do you both really, really want? What are your dreams? 2009 is a time of opportunity and change for lots of people. Best wishes with whatever happens. PS I love temping and have done it for 20 years now!

Are you definitely entitled to a mat leave with full pay again so soon after coming back? Most organisations have a clause stating you must have a six/twelve month gap between mat leaves to be entitled to enhanced package.

I think it would probably be more sensible to wait until your DH has a job tbh.

It's cheaper & easier to have a small age gap overall, they can share a room, you don't need childcare for as long.

It's a bit of a case of "getting it over & done with"

Life's too short IMO to pt it off - it could be years before he has a job or months?

I'd check out what tax credits you could get if you went ahead, here.

I don't know how old your DH is, but my FIL has applied for over 100 jobs in the past 6 months, and has had 2 interviews. He has a flawless work history before that, and not in the financial industry, either. I hate to sound a note of anxiety, but things at the moment look like all bets are off on what may happen in the future. The economic situation doesn't have many helpful precedents. If he's willing to take on childcare full time and do a degree as well, then that would maybe move him towards a career he'd like? Horrible as it is, it could even be an opportunity for him - he'd be entitled to student loans etc., and if he studied via the OU you'd have minimal or no childcare costs, too. Just depends on how you two feel able to approach it - your savings, plus you going full time, make it sound like you could financially handle another baby while your DH retrained, with care. But... it sounds very fraught. It's obviously a very personal decision, but a couple of years wait would be my own, individual preference tbh, just because the pressure would be too much for me.

The other problem seems to be that he doesn't enjoy childcare, but if you have another baby and he doesn't get another job he could end up having to look after two children, full-time.

Finally - as someone who also has friends who teach, I think it's pretty dodgy that the private sector doesn't demand a PGCE. I had a friend from Uni who went straight into teaching in a private school (a good, well respected one) who freely admits she hadn't got a clue how to incrementally built on her pupils' knowledge, or bring out the best in each child, or even plan her term's lessons. Teaching is a profession, and not all skills are transferable - and some complete genii who supervised me at university couldn't teach their way out of a paper bag. It's a learned skill in its own right.

Go for it Agree with all the good reasons to go ahead and TTC!

Go for it

Thank you.

On paper I have been back at work for 2.5 months (I took some holiday at the end) and I think I have to be back for 24 weeks before full pay comes back, so thats 14 weeks away. I will need to check whether that means 14 weeks before I can become pregnant or 14 weeks of work whilst pregnant (thinking on it its probably the former). Its horrible to "plan" children around £'s and maternity policies but unfortunately thats life (for us).

DD is high spirited so DH struggles with her. I find ways around her needs/behaviour (nothing too bad but she is a drama queen!) whereas DH gets frustrated with her. Once summer comes it will be easier as she can play outside and find new things to interest her, rather than toddler group to toddler group.

I guess in some ways his being out of work is a good time to have DC no 2 as we would save on childcare but am still

Will see what the next couple of months bring job wise. Its hard as I know children are so much more important than work .....