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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that arranging transport to softplay centre for dd's birthday guests is not my problem?

45 replies

swanriver · 06/03/2009 22:53

Dd is going to be 7 (yr 2). Her party is after school at a softplay area 15 mins drive away which is a very popular venue for many parents at our school. We have had to book on a weekday, but I have attended two parties at a similar time at this venue before. Two parents have approached me asking me to drive their daughter, because they work. Should I be organising lifts for them, (I can't fit them in my car) or is it THEIR job to ask other mothers? I can only fit 5 people in my car, and my family IS five persons (dh and 3 dcs) I feel slightly put out that they are expecting me organise the transport, although happy to tell them who else is invited. I have tentatively asked other mothers if they mind taking an extra child, but feel a bit embarrassed and bossy to do this, and feel it is parents' job not mine. I have always made my own arrangements in similar situations, or just not gone if it was too difficult...
AIBU?

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 07/03/2009 20:41

Oh just say you'd love to help if you could, but you can't. They'll hate themselves for having to ask, and they'll be sad that their child can't go to the party. YANBU to say no, but YABU to be so cross about being asked IMO.

dilemma456 · 07/03/2009 21:41

Message withdrawn

noonki · 07/03/2009 21:42

yabu - they only asked.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 07/03/2009 22:11

Yanbu.

I would never expect the organiser of a party to arrange for my child to get to the party. They have enough to think about. I might ask who else was going and call them to discuss a lift.

And I would not complain if a party was arranged that was not convenient for me as a guest (well, I might whinge to a friend but would not expect the arrangements to be made to suit me).

cat64 · 08/03/2009 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Notlongnowbaby · 08/03/2009 16:45

YANBU and infact they are being a bit cheeky. I would do as you have done and let them know who is going so they can sort out their own lifts.

LucyEllensmummy · 08/03/2009 17:39

they are cheeky bints, what would they usually do with their children after work - their problem, if they can't get their children there, they simply don't come!

FAQinglovely · 08/03/2009 17:46

YNABU to say no. But speaking as a non-working, but also non-driving mother it's HORRIBLE being in a siutation where you're child can't go to a birthday party because it's too difficult to get there.

I have in the past said to parents that I'm not sure if my DS's can go because of transport issues. On every occasion they have either offered to pick my DS's up (whichever one it is that is invited) and bring them back, or have arranged for other parents to do it.

I usually don't know who else has been invited to birthday party that my DS's are attending so rather difficult to ask other parents myself for a lift for them.

Thankfull the last 2 parties DS2 was invited to the parents approached me and offered lifts - one even arranging for her MIL to pick my DS up and look after him at the party!

I have similar issues when it comes to play dates, round here most parents are expected to go and pick their child up from a playdate that's occured straight after school.

Both DS's have been invited on playdates in the last week. DS's friends mother thankfully offered without me mentioning it that she would bring him home for me. I had to ask the mother of DS's friend if she would be able to bring him back.

It' very embarrassing being in that sort of position.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 08/03/2009 20:14

FAQ, I think a playdate is different. Usually only 1 or at most 2 extra children involved. I would happily take children home and have done if more convenient for me than for the friend's parent.

Luckily for us, most of dc's friends are within walking distance which makes life a lot easier.

I think the party thing is coloured for me by the fact that I do not find hosting parties particularly easy and usually get a bit stressed trying to get things organised.

Got one on tuesday in fact and have lists aplenty already

FAQinglovely · 08/03/2009 20:26

maybe different, but perhaps not really. I've still had to ask for lifts for parties for them. And if all of those cases I've had to ask the parents organising it as I've not known who else was going.

Would hate to think they think I'm being a cheeky cow or that if I can't take my DS then my DS shouldn't go as it's having them at their DC's party wasn't really that important to them (we don't have "whole class" parties round here so people are genenraly invited because the birthday child wants them there rather than to make up the numbers)

DesperateHousewifeToo · 08/03/2009 21:12

Ahh, we are still on the invite everyone/crazy chaos for two hours type parties

FAQinglovely · 08/03/2009 21:18

ahh now thankfully they've only ever been invited to 2 of those - and they were in the church hall on the next street from where I lived at the time so no transport issues - infact the last one DS1 had their I sent him round on his own

2rebecca · 08/03/2009 23:47

I think it depends on how many are coming to the party. For large parties then I usually expect transport to be up to the parent taking the child to the party. On the other hand if it's just a few friends going to a soft play area or the cinema then its usual to drop kids off at the birthday childs house and collect them from there and the parents to take a car or 2 full of kids.
If the invite specified that the child was to make their own way to and from the party location which wasn't a house then I think its up to the parents to either take their kid to the party, decline the invitation or find another parent to take their kid.
Most parties my kids go to are on a weekend so usually 1 parent is free to take them.

FAQinglovely · 08/03/2009 23:55

right so if I don't know who else is going to the party (as I usually don't) I'm simply supposed to decline 95% of my DS's party invitations am I?

No thanks - I'd rather take the shame of having to ask the parent if there's anyone that can pick one them up than just make my DS's the "ones that don't go to the parties"

Original poster

swanriver · 09/03/2009 09:42

Thankyou EVERYONE. Desperatehousewife I love you for admitting party stress.
I think tick box at bottom of invite is a brilliant idea, I will try it next time - if there is a next time...
THREAD NOW OFFICIALLY CLOSED.

OP posts:

Original poster

swanriver · 09/03/2009 09:42

OP posts:

Original poster

swanriver · 09/03/2009 09:43

oh dear my hands are shaking...

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 09:44

lol swanriver - you don't really think that "thread closed" on MN works do you

Original poster

swanriver · 09/03/2009 09:50

Closure, I seek closure, as I want to be reasonable again.

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 09:51

the only closures on MN are when the thread hits 1000 posts or MNHQ hits the delete button

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