I've posted on here a bit, mostly in relation to education threads. This might get a bit long so apologies in advance.
DH and I have been married for 10 years, and together since we were 19 (met at Uni, now 34). We've had our ups and downs and been to relationship counselling a loooong time ago. Things were as you'd expect - both of us working, both building careers, both pretty frazzled at home as a result. Been ttc for ages, but not letting it take over our lives - DH ambivalent, me a bit more than that.
Last year we decided to move abroad through DH's company - we were in a rut work-wise and fancied a change. I gave up my job (teacher, middle management, well respected) and did so gladly. We moved, things were good for the first month. Then my laptop broke.
DH let me borrow his work laptop in the evenings. Whatever the rights and wrongs - and I know, I know - I read his email. Found evidence of a fairly intense 'emotional affair' with a colleague I'd quizzed him about in the UK and been told I was paranoid about. I was furious, he denied it'd gone further (despite them having a work trip together- hmm). I'm ashamed to say it was easier for me to accept what he said and allow us to move on. Things got better. I knew he'd have to liaise with her over work stuff, and accepted it, if not happy with it.
He's been back to the UK a few times since, and I've dealt with it.
Fast forward to now. Tonight his work laptop ois on the floor. I wanted to check when he wwas back in the UK again so I can book a
holiday, and know his passwords, so opened outlook. In his sent box is an email to her which is a back and forth exchange. They have a version of MSN messenger at his work which they use to communicate in the company, and it appears she hung up on him rather abruptly, and he wasn't happy about it.
So. He's still emotionally involved. He's not just talking to her about work. He has a pet name for her which oddly hurts more than anything The only saving grace is that he's whinging to her as much as he does to me [sad grin emoticon] When they were involved before he was talking about how much he loved her, so it feels like a betrayal to see this level of emotion still.
I don't know what to do. I'm furious that he's still involved. I now wonder if it's gone further. If I challenge him he'll turn it all round - he has a way of doing it - so uit's my fault: I'm always cross, we don't have enough sex, I don't pay him enough attention. I'm also in a foreign country with no job.
So far this evening I've copied the email to my laptop and made small talk convincingly with him about a game he's playing. He has no idea I know.
My thoughts for tomorrow are:
- Sleep on it and see how I feel in the am
- Email him and the OW to tell them they're busted
- Move into a hotel
- Book a ticket back to the UK to a friends (if I go to my parents then I'll have to tell them why, and that'll mean no going back).
Please. What would you do? AM I Being unreasonable? Is it okay for him to be talking to her about how sad he is when she closes down the conversation without telling him?
Sorry. Told you it was long.