AIBU to expect the babysitter I arranged to turn up?

[Gracie123]

Okay, this has happened twice now.
The first time I EVER left my son with a sitter (bear in mind I had post-natal psychosis and couldn't allow anyone near him for the first 3 months )he was supposed to be in bed, and it was only for 2 hours and he never knew it had happened.
I asked my friend (who has been on maternity for similar time as me) if she could sit in for the two hours and she agreed. On the night her partner (who I have only met once before) turns up and says she needed an early night and sent him over
DH barely shoved me in the car before I had a complete melt down.
Now I think it might happen again. 3 weeks ago FiL agreed to look after DS for 4 hours so I could do some work for an agency - non-essential, but would be nice to have the extra cash. MiL (divorced from FiL) finds out and says that she is free and would prefer to do it - basically bullies FiL out of it. Can't say I'm thrilled about the change, but I accept it.
Today she rings up to say that something has come up so she won't be able to make it, but SiL can come instead.
Thing is, I have NEVER seen SiL play with, laugh with or have fun with DS. In fact, he's only met her a couple of times (they live really far away) and each time he has been crying and clingy and appears to be afraid of her. She is not evil and has done nothing to warrant this reaction, but still, I don't know if I can go to work knowing how unhappy he is - especially as I'm holistic therapist.
AIBU to want to arrange another babysitter even though SiL is offering to drive 5 and a half hours to do it?

I don't think YABU. Your child, up to you who should sit with him.

Maybe arrange someone else and thank SiL very much but say you'd hate her to have to make such a huge journey...?

is FIL still available? If so, and you're happy with that, just say you can't warrant your sil driving all that way for 4 hours, so fil has stepped in

Unfortunately he lives further away than she does I wouldn't have asked him, he just offered.

The tricky thing is I know she really wants to do it. Every time we visit she is desperate to get time alone with him, but I never let her because he seems so distraught about her holding him even with both his parents there!

She's already made it quite clear that she thinks I'm being ridiculous for not having had babysitters sooner.

How bizarre. Can you not book a sitter from an agency instead and avoid people driving all over the country?
I'm sympathetic, we've only left DS with my parents so far but I'm going to be organising a sitter for him in a couple of weeks.

I know, that would be the obvious answer, but bare in mind that I am still under psychiatric care and a bit of a wreck about letting anyone other than me look after him
I do have two or three friends from church I would trust, but don't know how to get them without offending SiL

Forgive me if I'm way off the mark here, but in some ways wouldn't you feel more confident leaving him with an agency sitter? They will be experienced, and also it's their job to look after your baby properly.

It just seems that you have a lot of issues with your inlaws and maybe removing that emotion from the equation would be helpful to you?
Then you could say to SiL 'I've booked a professional sitter, it was lovely of you to offer but it's such a long way to come'. She can't feel snubbed as she might if you asked another friend/relative.

Why not just tell her your plans have changed and you don't need a sitter anymore. It's not like she's going to pop around for a coffee and catch you out. I'm sorry for her that you feel like this, but sometimes you just have to put your own needs first.

I would rather have someone I know sit (ie your friends from church) than an agency sitter... anyday (apologies to any lovely agency sitters!).

I would INSIST it's too far for her to drive.

She can't be all bad...maybe she is not a baby person - some people are perfectly capable of safely looking after a baby, but just can't play with them.

I would feel grateful (but dreadful) if anyone offered to drive 5.5 to babysit, you just need to put your foot down!

We use an agency for sitters, and have nearly a 100% satisfaction rating (one night the sitter did turn up late but she got lost (first time driving in London), I was annoyed at the time but generally the sitters are local, are qualified, and are reliable).

Oh FWIW, we didn't leave DS1 for 10 months.

DS2, 2 weeks :-)

Actually, the 10 month bit was with non-family. I did leave him overnight when he was 7 months old, but that was with mum and dad!

Most babysitting agencies will try to sernd the same sitter, or one of two or three whom you/child get to know and trust. Your ds would build a relationship a nd you would leave happy and relaxed which can only be good for your peace of mind.

if a family member was offering to drive so far to help me out I'd be offering petrol money/a meal while they sat which, from a purely financial pov would cost far more than a professional sitter. So bear that in mind too.

Having a relative drive that far is madness in my view.
Better to find a local babysitter. There is a list of Mumsnetters who babysit on the Nannies, Childminders board. Many are Ofsted Registered childcarers with many years of childcare experience.