To think that an adopted father shouldn't be referred to as 'the person she calls her Dad'

[freddysteddy]

My friend has a SIL who is adopted.

One thing she says always puts my teeth on edge so I'm wodnering if I'm being oversensitive or if this is normal?

When she refers to SIL's father (adopted) she calls him "the person she calls her Dad".

Personally I'd just call him "her Dad". AIBU to find this a bit tactless and strange?

If she is legally adopted then her dad is her father in every way except biologically. YANBU it is tactless and strange and I really hope your friend doesn't say it in front of her SIL.

You could ask your friend if she has DNA proof that her parents are her biological parents and insist on referring to them as "the person you call 'mum/dad'" until she gets pissed off the message.

A bit tactless, yes.

It's a bit of a trigger for me BTW. I would use quite firm but polite words the first time I heard someone do that, followed up by rather less polite ones if they persisted.

Not normal

Why don't you tell her 'dad' covers it, and if she wants to specify the other guy she can say 'biological dad' because it does seem really very strange having his non-genetic link pointed out every time...

has she never met anybody adopted before?!

YANBU, not normal at all. What is her problem?

I'd say "you mean her dad?" next time she says it

YANBU. What a strange thing to say.

If her SIL does not go round talking about 'the person I call my dad' (highly unlikely) then why the hell should your friend use the term? Put her right before she offends her SIL/brother and causes some real damage.

YANBU

YANBU

How RUDE.

He is her Dad.

I just love it when people refer to DS2's birth mother as his 'real mum' as in 'so does he ever see his real mum?'

What the one who dumped him on me when he was 8 weeks old? That one?

Its not that birth parents are NOT mums and dads. I would never deny that. But why do people feel the need to add the 'the one she calls' and 'his real'?

BTW what right has this woman to make a judgement about what SIL's father should be called? Does SHE object to him being called 'DAD' and if so, why?

Does she have a problem of some sort with her SIL, is she envious of her or something? Unless she really doesn't realise how rude she's being, it's actually quite a passive-aggressive way to behave.

Of course it could be something between the two of them that she has failed to enlighten you about...

YANBU - he's her dad.

Although during a MN discussion on adoption the other week I was quite saddened by the number of MNetters who seemed to take the view that adoptive parents are not "real", that adoptive families are second best and should not have the status of permanency.