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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think hitting on a mother with a pushchair is inappropriate/creepy?

31 replies

totalmisfit · 04/03/2009 13:42

just walking back from the nearest town to our village,along lonely country roads, after dd's doctor's appointment. some guy stops his van (has a ladder on the roof) and asks for directions to a nearby road. I give directions and continue.

5 minutes later i hear someone shouting behind me. Turn round and it's this same guy, who's come back from whatever it is he was looking for and is now following me. He says 'I found it... erm, i was just wondering, i mean, you're probably married but i just wondered if i could take you for a drink sometime.'

I waved my wedding ring in his direction and said 'I am married.' He goes back to van and i continue walking. He drives past me, much too close and honks his horn really loudly, which makes me jump a bit. The whole thing has left me feeling a bit weird. Is this just because no-one has hit on me since 2005, or am i right to be slightly creeped out by it?

OP posts:
LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 04/03/2009 13:46

I don't think it's inappropriate, you clearly were friendly to him when he asked for directions. Maybe he's not used to women being nice and friendly.

Maybe you're looking foxy today

Geepers · 04/03/2009 13:46

Be flattered and forget about it.

MrsMattie · 04/03/2009 13:46

Sounds like a bit of an inadequate. Hitting on women with buggies from your van window? Not a good look!

lulabellarama · 04/03/2009 13:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Blu · 04/03/2009 13:49

No, not totally inappropriate, but it was bad manners to keep honking at you and harrassing you - as it would have been had you been unmarried / unbuggied and turned him down politely.

Original poster
totalmisfit · 04/03/2009 13:56

yeah, honking your horn like a maniac and driving inches from a woman pushing a buggy is really polite.

looking foxy pretty unlikely, i got mistaken for my sister's mother not too long ago.

it might've been flattering if he'd had the good sense to think 'woman on own, except for buggy in country lane, perhaps she might feel slightly threatened by some guy creeping up behind her'

it was something in his manner that i found creepy, the way he took a long look at dd the first time he saw me and the next thing he was right behind me again..

OP posts:
LittleOtik · 04/03/2009 13:59

Similar happened to me in the park - a man was cycling past and slowed down to cycle next to me, and kept asking me out for a drink. I was pushing DD1 in buggy and was pregnant with DD2. When I said I didn't think my husband would like it if I went for a drink with him, he suggested we didn't tell him.

Actually made me feel pretty good about myself!

(Obv I didn't go for the drink and the man was clearly a creepy lunatic but still, it was attention)

nomoreamover · 04/03/2009 14:01

be flattered! i would - and would probably go home and boast to DH to remind him how lucky he is to have me LOL!!

dittany · 04/03/2009 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyHorse · 04/03/2009 14:02

Tosser - I bet his penis is the size of a magot.

crokky · 04/03/2009 14:03

Some men have funny ideas. When my mum was about 43, she was driving down the motorway and realised she had a D&V bug. She stopped at the services, puked desperately by the side of the car and a man came up to her and started chatting her up and asked her to come away with him in his car . She actually had puke all over herself!

Morloth · 04/03/2009 16:41

Dad's at park always seem to think I am the nanny.

Personally I enjoy being asked out (as long as it is done politely and the answer No, thank you accepted).

It only started when I turned 30! Will be interesting to see how long it lasts!

electra · 04/03/2009 16:46

YABU - be happy that you are attractive. However, as you are taken I can understand why you'd be a bit freaked out. I guy asked me out in a similar way recently but I did not have a pushchair

dittany · 04/03/2009 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KingRolo · 04/03/2009 16:57

Yanbu - I'd be freaked out if this happened to me, buggy or no buggy. There are some men out there who get their kicks out of intimidating women - and driving past closely honking his horn was clearly an attempt to do that.

I find it very worrying when people say 'be flattered' on threads like this.

JazzHands · 04/03/2009 17:01

It is a bit weird to ask someone out when they're by themselves with a pushchair...

For me in this situaiton it would be down to my gut feeling. You thought he was creepy and weird, and that it was inappropriate, so it was.

There are other situations where it might be OK - depends on where, when, how etc etc.

We need to trust our instincts on these things.

Slightly different from wolf-whistling builders etc which is a definite no-no for me always.

Heated · 04/03/2009 17:02

Sometimes a obvious wedding ring is no hindrance, nor apparently is having dd in tow. Got hit on in a supermarket queue much to my since everyone else was all ears! Initially I though he was being friendly and responded in kind. I was so dumbstruck no witty retort would come to mind either, damn it!

solidgoldbrass · 04/03/2009 17:08

There's nothing inherently wrong with chatting someone up, pushchair or no pushchair, as long as the chatter-up backs off at the first sign that the attention is unwelcome. (After all, why should we have to wait for a formal introduction if we see someone we like the look of?)
But, TBH, anyone who asks a stranger in the street on a date within 2/3 sentences is usually a wierdo or desperate

dittany · 04/03/2009 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindt · 04/03/2009 17:14

If a guy had spoken to you in a cafe and chatted you up then I would say, "be flattered, you are looking foxy today".

It is the situation that is a bit dodgy, that you were alone in a remote location and that he was a bit pushy.

YANBU

solidgoldbrass · 04/03/2009 17:22

Yes, this would have creepd me out too and I would have told him to go fuck himself. I don't mind being approached by people I don't know, and it is quite hard to explain exactly how and when a stranger stops being polite or indeed flattering and starts being a weirdo, but you always know it when it happens.

JazzHands · 04/03/2009 17:25

Instincts can fail sometimes though unfortunately - but yes - certainly if you feel that something's not right it usually isn't. I have moved carriages on the tube at night and crossed roads/waited before turning down my road etc if my "warning" thing has gone off. I know that some men feel affronted if they are walking behind a woman late at night and she starts acting all twitchy and suddenly legs it, but really it's not worth ignoring warning signals just because you don't want to offend/worry you will look like a tit.

Having said that the vast majority of men are OK...

Off topic though!

Pepa · 04/03/2009 17:28

Would have freaked me out too. I would have thought most men would be aware of how threatening it can appear to a single women to be approached by a stranger in an isolated place.

Not a nice sign of the times but all too true imvho

YANBU

Mumnnanny · 04/03/2009 17:37

It is so innapropriate for a man to be chatting up a lady with a baby. I get it all the time and it does my head in.

I think all those ladies who think it aint inapropriate for a man to be doing this then you should think about your morals.

Yes you may be single, yes you are not all married, nor am I but I dont see how somebody making you feel creeped out by asking you for a drink is appropriate.

I know how you feel luv. And I know his voice wasnt of that sweet gentleman. He was being rude and new it would intimidate you.

Be strong and ignore the banter they give. I feel that my body is mine and my partners to admire not some sleazy builder o the street.

lydiathetattooedlady · 04/03/2009 18:31

i had a very rare night out on saturday, am currently 21 weeks pregnant, a guy at the bar saw me waiting to get in to buy a drink let me squeeze in then promptly tried to chat me up and buy me a drink!