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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be tired of having negative personal comments made about the weight I have lost.

45 replies

AtillaTheHoney · 04/03/2009 11:58

I have gone from 14 1/2 stone, to about 10st 4lb, goes up and down a bit. (I am about 5' 8'')

I am not very well, but find peoples comments intrusive, especially after some of them have looked pointedly at me chest.

I have been called a stick insect, skinny, the wick of a candle,

People telling me that I could do with a bit of fat on me......

It is narking me and I wouldn't dream of saying anything like it or retorting.

Or am I just over sensitive?

OP posts:

jack99 · 04/03/2009 13:13

As long as your weight is healthy and you feel good, then put it down to jealousy.

Funny how people feel free to make personal comments about someone's weight when they feel they are underweight, when they wouldn't dream of calling anyone fat to their face!

JazzHands · 04/03/2009 13:17

Jealous!

Tell them to fuck off, then stalk off waving your newly slender behind at their faces

Devongirl · 04/03/2009 13:20

I was just about to write what jack99 has written so I don't need to!

I lost 4 stone and have kept it off for years now, even after having DS it came off, and I've had nothing but positive remarks, but a friend who has just lost 4 stone has had many negative remarks from a friend of hers who is, you may have guessed, fat. She says my friend has changed since she lost weight, and has become obsessed with her appearance (she hasn't, but if she is a little more careful when she gets dressed who can blame her after being overweight for years?)

Jealous jealous jealous

Well done Atilla

OrmIrian · 04/03/2009 13:23

Please ignore them. Jealousy maybe. Also I think people genuinely feel unsettled when someone they know changes a lot.

I get comments like "God you're so thin" from people (usually one's who aren't) and it's said in a sort of horrified fascination. I'm not thin by any manner of means but I'm thinner than I was I suppose.
I also get told to 'are you going to stop running now, you don't need to lose anymore weight' as if they only reason for exercising is to get thin. I find that a little belittling TBH.

sherby · 04/03/2009 13:29

In my experience people have no qualms at all about being rude to about others being thin, I have had it all my life.

I went to donate blood the other day and one of the lovely nurses said very loudly in front of a room of people, gosh don't you have skinny little legs ooo look at those knees somehow I don't think she would've been announcing how fat somebody's legs were if it was the other way around

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2009 13:41

its def jealousy!!

i had friends who was slimmer than me (14) (I was size 18) and then i lost 4stone and got to a 12 and some of them made comments about me being too skinny and its pure

though i also have a friend who is going through a dreadful divorce and house is being reprocessed as cant sell it, and she is also doing the lighterlife and she was a 12 and now is an 6/8 and looks awful

her cheek bones are sunken in and she looks ill i know its down to stress as well as not eating but i have told her then she neds to put on some weight, but she likes being that size

well done for losing that weight and for your height you are prefectly within the right weight

cornsilk · 04/03/2009 13:46

You must be looking very gorgeous for people to be so jealous and rude.

bellabelly · 04/03/2009 13:53

What cornsilk said. Well done, btw, am a bit myself!

notyummy · 04/03/2009 13:59

Your weight sounds healthy for your height (I think; all I know is that I am nearly 5 10 and am around 10 stone 10/11pounds,which is a BMI for 22.something, so yours sounds fine.)

It will either be jealousy, or people not realising what a person of a normal weight should look like. There has been a lot of coverage in the press recently of the fact that as we all get fatter we lose perspective of what 'big' is, as everyone around us is overweight. It happens with kids....all these overweight/obese kids with parents saying 'they are fine/its just big bones...'

Oh, and well done!

jack99 · 04/03/2009 13:59

Sherby -

a good friend of mine always has to deal with similar rude remarks. She is naturally thin and CANNOT out on weight, but gets loads of snidey remarks about throwing up etc. Really rude!

Spillage21 · 04/03/2009 14:06

I lost 3 stone and had nothing but positive remarks...apart from my husband who said I looked good but felt a bit 'baggy'. He said he instantly realised he'd dug himself a big hole.

This is the same husband who said he thought the women in Free Agents was a bit chubby. I said, horrified, 'she's about the same size as me' to which he replied 'Yes, but you're my chubby'.

WTF!! Honest, he's very sweet, but sometimes a little..er...insensitive.

SadMarg · 04/03/2009 14:06

Say, "Why thank you! It took a lot of will power and determination, but I made it and I'm so pleased! Aren't you happy for me?"

Say "No thanks, I'd rather have a bit of fat on my bacon buttie - you do know they have less calories than a muffin, don't you? You can still eat tasty food and be slim, you know!"

Absolutely wicked, I know - but they deserve it!!!!!

Spillage21 · 04/03/2009 14:07

...womAn from Free Agents...

Original poster

AtillaTheHoney · 04/03/2009 14:10

oh, i am so glad I did this thread now...

My biggest supporter has been my 11yr old DS, who says...'mum, can I just say you have lost lots of weight and look soooooo good!!'

Bless him, that's all I need really I suppose.

Well done to all have lost the weight they wanted, and good-luck if you are on the way...

Cheers all.....

OP posts:

jack99 · 04/03/2009 14:21

Attila - what a lovely DS you have! It's a lucky girl who catches him in a few years!

Well done from me too. It is really hard to lose weight - I am currently trying and finding it really difficult.

I fear that the only way i will achieve significant weight loss is to have a leg amputated!

Sassybeast · 04/03/2009 14:27

YANBU. Can you imagine the outcry if you commented on how fat one of them was ? But obviously you 'must' be anorexic/have issues with food/verge on bulimia if you are slim nowadays.

Ignore - you have enough worries with your health issues.

From a natural skinny with no food issues apart from self control and a sensible diet.

Gemzooks · 04/03/2009 15:56

this reverse scenario might make you smile, I've always been stick thin. Then after giving birth, I was a little more rounded! Friend's mother (who I can't stand), said 'oh, you look SO much better now you've gained so much weight!' Thus managing to imply that 1) it was loads that I'd gained, 2) I had some kind of problem before and was too thin, and 3) I looked bad all the previous time she had known me.

people should just keep it to themselves!

OrmIrian · 04/03/2009 16:13

I might just add a note of caution here. Be aware that when people suddenly stop commenting on how thin you are, that you may be plunged into self-doubt and assume you are getting fat! Mum always tells me I'm too thin So when she doesn't I know I must be getting big. A kind of canary of avoirdupois.

DrTrillianAstra · 04/03/2009 16:20

Technically they are envious, not jealous, like this

10st 4 at 5'8 is a pefectly healthy weight, tell them your BMI is about 22 (over 25 is bad, under 19 is also bad, although it doesn't always work if you are an unusual shape eg athletes with heavy muscles but no fat often come out too high).

Judy1234 · 04/03/2009 17:16

22 BMI is fine. 18.5/10, 21, 20 are also healthy BMIs. The ones complaining are probably fat.

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