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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think when I have been signed off work for 2 weeks DP shouldn't ask me to do stuff like this?

16 replies

memoo · 04/03/2009 09:41

I have been signed off work as I am 10 weeks pregnant and have been bleeding. Had a scan and everthing is fine but I have been told I really need to rest.

DP has new tennants moving into a house he owns. Yesterday he had arranged for some old furtniture to be removed from the house. But the guy could only give us a 2 hour time slot. DP was going to take the day off but because I'd been signed off work he asked me to sort it out.

I couldn't wait inside the house as the new tennants moved in on Sunday so had to sit outside in the car for 2 1/2 hours til this bloke turned up. And then knock so the tennants would lets us in for 5 minutes to get old furniture.

DP doesn't get it but I think its a bit unfair to ask me to do it when the day before I had spent the day in hospital thinking I was losing my baby and had been told to go home and rest.

Sitting in a car for 2 1/2 hours is no joke when you're 10 weeks pregnant and need to wee every 20 minutes and are still feeling upset and stressed from the day before.

OP posts:
Seeline · 04/03/2009 09:43

YANBU! Refuse to do anything. Take to your bed with a pile of magazines and books and let him sort out food, washing etc. Be perfectly frank with him - does he want a baby or not! Hope you're feeling better soon!

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/03/2009 09:45

That's terrible, how will you both feel if you lose that baby?

Original poster
memoo · 04/03/2009 09:46

I think in his eyes sitting in the car is doing nothing! He just doesn't get it at all

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 04/03/2009 09:47

hmm i can totally undersatnd why you didn't want to do it.
but not sure how sitting in a car is any different from sitting down resting at home???

it wasn't like he was asking you to do anything remotely physical was it

so, I agree and disagree. i may not have been happy to do it (for other reasons) but I don't think you can use the bleeding as a reason not to sit in a car

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/03/2009 09:48

Sorry should sat the not that and posted too quickly.

There is no way he should be asking you to do things like that you should be resting.

But it is also your responsibility to look after you and your baby, ie if he does try to get you to do things you need to refuse in no uncertain terms.

I hope it all works out ok for you, get your feet up.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/03/2009 09:49

Were you actually moving the furniture? I may have mis-understood.

Original poster
memoo · 04/03/2009 09:51

its not just hte bleeding yesterday. I spent the day before thinking I was losing the baby it had taken use 2 years to conceive, it was really traumatic and I am still kind of stressed and upset about it all. Wasn't really in much of a state to do anything really, am still very teraful today

OP posts:
Original poster
memoo · 04/03/2009 09:52

sorry for all typos!

Didn't move the heavy stuff, but had to move some chairs and boxes

OP posts:
nomoreamover · 04/03/2009 09:53

DP doesn't understand the importance of the first 12 weeks. Rest means lying on the sofa or preferably in bed. DO not agree to anything else like this! If you were able to run errands you would be at work.

Stand up to him - he needs to understand the importance of doctros orders

YANBU

morningpaper · 04/03/2009 09:53

Next time, tell him NO and make him take the day off as planned. Why didn't you do this?

thisisyesterday · 04/03/2009 09:54

ok, so why didn't you just say no??

i know what it's like. i've had bleeding in all 3 of my pregnancies, and lost 2 babies. so I do know where you're coming from.

but you know, you could have said no and got him to do it

Original poster
memoo · 04/03/2009 09:55

Mp, I don't know, its not like me to be so spineless.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 04/03/2009 09:59

Aw, well, I really think you needed to say at the time. He probably didn't think much of it. Some people wouldn't have minded the job and would have just sat there with a paper, quite happy for a couple of hours. But if you were unhappy, you should have said so at the time. There isn't much point being mad at him if you didn't explain it there and then.

Go and have a cup of tea and resolve that you will stand up for yourself (and baby!) next time you are feeling this way. xxx

nametaken · 04/03/2009 10:45

I bet he couldn't believe his luck when you were signed off for two weeks and he didn't have to take a day off work.

YANBU - make baby your number 1 priority and say NO to any other requests. You're on sick leave and thats the end of it.

ChippingIn · 04/03/2009 11:52

Don't you know that nothing you say or do while pregnant is unreasonable

Did you say anything at all to him at the time? If you said, 'No, sorry, I really just need to be at home in bed' then you are not being unreasonable, if you said 'OK' then you are being unreasonable, to an extent. It would be nice if he'd had the sense not to ask, but he is a bloke after all and some of them are not blessed with too much common sense or empathy!!

Look after yourself

Original poster
memoo · 04/03/2009 12:11

good point chipping! I'm going to tell DP that

I did have a bit of a moan but he went on about how stressed he was with work and I just didn't have the energy to argue

OP posts:
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