to think that dh should give me a rest!!!

[MinkyBorage]

Last week dh went to New York for work on Monday morning, and arrived backyesterday but went straight to work, and came home at 7.30pm last night. I have spent the week hanging pictures, freecycling stuff from the attic, taking stuff to the charity shop, paining bits of furniture and picture frames, making an ikea drawer unit, putting stuff back in the attic, cleaning and tidying etc, and that is only when the dds are in bed. When they have been awake, I have been to ikea, been to look at a bed in an ap't-only antiques place, been to toddler groups and fed them and played with them etc etc. On top of which we received a new bunk bed for them which resulted in an understandably dreadful nights sleep whilst dd2 went from cot to bed. I am absolutely knackered after a week of late nights and early mornings. DDs are 3.4 and 2.1, and I am 8 months pg with dc3.

The week before last he went to Geneva for a conference on the Wednesday, and came back here on Saturday, managing to fit in a days ski-ing.

This morning, dd1 woke up at 4:50, and went back to sleep after a while. then dd2 at 6:20, so I took her downstairs and sat with her until dd1 woke up properly at 7:20, at which point I wen up to get her. brought her in to bed with us and asked dh if he could take her downstairs. DH stayede with dds and gave them fbreakfast. I then got up at 8:50. DH said he thought that we really need to think about getting some help with childcare for when the new baby is born, and that we specifically need help on Saturdays when he is at home .

He does work hard, very hard, but ffs, should he be giving me a bit of a break or not?

He is back in bed now, and he is off to the football tomorrow with clients for most of the day, then bakc to work on Monday as normal.

I have heard this all before! Your DH has recognised your call for help and his answer is not doing it himself but offering to pay for someone else to be that extra pair of hands. No matter what you think, he clearly wants to retain his right to nap after a working week and keep going off on jollies. I am not saying this seems fair, but it is not uncommon with working husbands. If it makes you feel any better, my OH sounds just like yours but has changed since having had number 3. His idea of helping out used to be getting someone in to do what I couldn't manage! Funnily enough the credit crunch has played a role in changing perceptions...

We are several weeks away from having number 4 shatter our peace but he is very hands on now at weekends and we always talk about what we both want to achieve and what we need to get done and how we can juggle the kids. I am ridiculously tired all of a sudden so have stopped all extra activity such as running and optional tidying up and am trying to rest as much as possible. We don't have any home help so there is no point in me running on empty or being depressed and martyring myself over it. I am not saying you are necessarily but perhaps you could give both of you a break by just sitting back a bit and going with the flow? It makes for a much happier household and the kids will feel the good vibes then. I know mine misbehave when they sense any tension in the air...

Clam - it's hardly 'no relief'.... In my case (and I appreciate that this isn't the case of OP) I have one 8 month old son and a house which is in perfect condition - simply needs keeping clean.

I have gardeners, window cleaners etc., it's just the housework I need to do and, given I often nap with DS in the middle of the day, I really don't think I have it too hard.

Allthreeways summed it up well - when DH comes home, he's on a different time zone and it isn't really worth him readjusting for the weekend, as he's back out there Monday... If he wanted a break, he could stay out there, but he always comes home...

Yes, at weekends, I'm more likely to continue the housework etc., while DH has more of a 'break' but he does stuff too - baths, playtime... Sure, he's less likely to do the nappies etc., but he would (well able) if he had to or I asked him to

But, back to OP - Yes, at 8Mo PG, you really DO need to be taking it easy. I could hardly get myself up, showered and dressed without needing a cup of tea and a sit down and (as I said previously) I didn't have other children to look after.

Totally sympathise Minky. Have been in the same situation myself - dh away a lot and works very irregular hours including lots of weekends. You've said yourself he does work very hard so he is entitled to a break - as are you. Don't think his suggestion that you get help at the weekends when he is there is entirely unreasonable. Look at it another way - imagine if he came home from work and then expected you to go straight out and start doing his job. Have pondered this myself after similar bust-ups with dh. Not saying you're being unreasonable to be ready for a rest after all your exertions (to say nothing of being eight months pregnant), but he probably deserves a rest too - imo business travel (especially the transatlantic kind) is knackering - you might stay in a nice hotel, but you're hardly on holiday. Similarly taking clients to the football is hardly the same as going with your mates. His solution is to try and find a way for you both to have a break - definitely worth thinking about I'd say.

Understandably you genuinely need help.

Sounds as though your dh really needs to recharge at weekends too.

If you can buy in help then I really think this is the best solution.

Well 'specifically on saturdays' is an odd comment, if he thinks it's hard when there are two of you then he must know it's harder when you're on your own. So he must mean help for other days besides saturday. which is good.

But you must be tired. he'd put the children to bed for you tonight if he was half way decent to you.

Minkyborage...

Hope you have a good nights sleep tonight and get a bit of a rest tomorrow.

Whatever doesn't get done, do remember that you have a LO who needs you to rest.

Walls won't paint themselves, but they won't fall down either (whereas you just might if you don't take it easy!)

I know my earlier posts were like 'oh, my DH is like this too' - but you are in late PG and you have two other kids who are at stage where they are unlikely to be able to help you (I have two DSDs who are 11 and 14 and therefore able to do so much more when I need them to help out)

Put all but the absolutely neccessary on hold - none of the kids are going to notice not-quite-finished rooms.

Take care of yourself... HM x