Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my Mum is taking us all for a ride?

10 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 27/02/2009 17:15

I have posted about my Mum before so it does not come as a complete surprise that I am moaning about her yet again.

Bit of background I am the eldest of 4 we always were provided for but never got any hugs or affection from her she never did things like read us stories or play games .

When any of us three girls have done something she disapproves of she disowns us the longest was my middle dsis for 4 years then me for two years and youngest dsis for two years aswell .

We have a younger brother who lives with her they both argue constantly and she will not let him grow up he is 18 and she rings him to see where he is and he will not get a job I think this may be because of low confidence she know uses him to do all the housework and buys him a packet of cigs for it .

Me and middle dsis were chatting today she is going through a rough time financially and is ttc probably resulting in needing IVF my Mum has said to me that it will be just something else for her to get attention for and has not spoke to her about it .My dsis also borrowed £20.00 when things were bad a couple of weeks ago and my Mum is always on her back about it even though she knows how much she is struggling .
My Mum also owes four grand to the council tax and they are taking her to court for it I agreed to make a payment every week on my debit card (she dosen't have one) and she would give me the money I have paid it four times now and each week she is making excuses and telling me she didn't want to pay it but I then have my Dad who works away ringing me up to make sure it has been paid .

She only wants to see the gc when they are tiny babies and has little to do with them when they hit six months she will not have them alone and calls herself emergency nanna . I do not expect her to have them but we are expected to drop everything when she wants something.

She also has a go at me often for stuff that happened when I was a young child I spent a lot of time with my Godmother (who I actually credit with me turning out to be a half decent parent) and she now resents the close relationship I had with her.

I feel bad posting this bit but she drinks most nights at least 4 lagers . Last week my dbrother filmed her when she was very drunk (she drinks alone) she had got blotto Friday and Saturday night . He was trying to get her to bed and she looked so disgusting and a mess then she went psycho and threw a beer can at my brothers head .

My Dad is just as bad he works away most of the time but my youngest sister caught him snorting coke .

I hate that my parents are like this my Mum is like a child and we all have to sort out her problems .

I am scared my brother is going to become an addict me and my sisters all seem to realise we had a lucky escape and are not like them at all I usually use my Mum as a role model of how not to behave .

I just feel a bit hormonal and crappy today and just want a Mum who would give me a hug sorry for Mammoth post.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 27/02/2009 17:20

why on earth are you paying her council tax?!?!!? especially if she is not particularly supportive or motherly or nice in return?

sounds like both your parents have deep seated issues/addictions/substance abuse problems, and you are supporting them by paying their council tax, so they can drink/snort coke and spend hteir money on that , rather than their bills

you cannot make your parents be the parents you want or need, is it worth having them in your life?

you can choose not to do anything for them or with them or have anything to do with them

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 27/02/2009 17:23

SO sorry that you have been let down by your mum. Not much to say, other than hope you have other people in RL to turn to (your Godmother sounds nice).

Have you spoken to any one in a professional capacity about your relationship with your mum?

Hope someone gives you a fat RL hug today. Failing that, chocolate or wine....? x

ComeWhineWithMe · 27/02/2009 17:23

She was meant to give me the money each week because I opened my big mouth and said I paid mine online . She does not have a debit card .So far she keeps making excuses as to why she can't pay me back and I am too much of a wuss to demand she does .

OP posts:
Ineedmorechocolatenow · 27/02/2009 17:26

I'd stop paying it for her and let her suffer the consequences..... sounds harsh, but could be the kick up the arse she needs....

sayithowitis · 27/02/2009 17:30

Sounds like you turned out to be better than a half decent person, despite your parents, not because of them! I wonder why you feel a need to bail them out all the time? Are you hoping that one day they will change and become the caring parents you so deperately craved? It sounds almost as though you are trying to buy their affection. You should not have to do that. Do you really think they are the sort of role models you want your Dc to grow up around? I don't know that i would if I were in your shoes. Maybe now is the time to pull back a bit. Let them take any consequences that arise from their actions, stop bailing them out. Maybe you and your sisters could find a way to support your DB, in getting a job and getting out of the situation?

If I were close to you (geographically) I would want to give you a hug. You sound like the daughter we would all want to be or to have. for you.

MyTwopennorth · 27/02/2009 17:33

Do NOT make any more payments! Tell them that you cannot make the payments FOR them because you do not have the money and in future, they must pay you in advance if they want you to pay a bill for them.
Be straight. "I need the money in advance because I am paying it, I have paid £X so far and you have not given it to me and I cannot afford to pay any more."

CarGirl · 27/02/2009 17:36

stop paying it now.

Naat · 27/02/2009 17:37

So for you, CWWM.
Mothers can be soooooo disappointing sometimes, and I have experience in having to behave like the "adult" even when I wasn't even one, so I know what you feel.

Unfortunately, this will hurt you... INmorechoc is right and maybe you should look into getting out of the direct debit or else you might end up paying the whole 4000GBP before you know it... Not only is it not your responsibility to pay for that, but she's also not showing any kind of "thankful" gestures or even making an effort to pay you back. It does seem like she needs a "slap in the hand" (to put it kindly).

Don't feel a wuss or guilty, just try to do this for yourself, you don't deserve this.

ComeWhineWithMe · 27/02/2009 17:40

Sorry dp has just come in from work.
I am not paying it anymore I usually pay it in the morning and am going to tell her she is going to have to sort it herself .
I am usually quite resigned to how they are I just feel crappy about it today and I feel sorry for my dsis who could do with a Mum right now .
Thankyou for advice my Godmother has moved to NZ so I only chat online to her now but I have my sisters and am thinking about getting in touch with AlANON .

OP posts:
bellavita · 27/02/2009 18:04

Blimey CWWM you have a lot on your plate

Don't pay the council tax anymore, your mum needs to grow up and start being the adult she should be.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page