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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that safe use of an infant car seat isn't to 'jam' it in using the drivers seat?

34 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 26/02/2009 18:34

Today I picked up my sister and her 5 month old DD to take her to our parents house. She doesn't drive but her DP does so they use the car seat in his car. I called her last night to ask if she knew how the baby seat fits in the car (not wanting to assume that she knows given she doesn't drive and that it was the same way that my DS's worked) and she assured me she did.

So when she went to 'fit' it, she put the seatbelt round the back of the carseat, threaded it through the clip at the back, buckled it in and that was it! The seat was sooooooooooooo loose, not even slightly tight fitting and definately not how it's meant to be used. I said I thought that it shouldn't be that loose and she said that they normally just jam it in by putting the drivers seat back!!!!!! She did say her DP fitted it a different way (ie proper way I hope) but when I said to her that it was important that she also knows how to fit it properly if she is using other folks cars, she just said 'it does fine like that'

I didn't feel at all comfortable driving with her wee girl in the back, despite me trying to fit it the same way DS's was (though it was a different make) and looking at the instructions on the side (which my sister didn't even know were there).

AIBU to have been worried, shocked and annoyed by this?

OP posts:

Nabster · 26/02/2009 18:37

surely you know you weren't.

I would have refused to drive her.

differentID · 26/02/2009 18:41

I am astounded that she has that attitude. I am amazed she can not care about her childs safety because she can't be asked to learn how to fit the seat safely.

plantsitter · 26/02/2009 18:43

YANBU, but isn't this a conversation you should be having with your sister?

Original poster

ilikeyoursleeves · 26/02/2009 18:43

I don't think I was BU but am interested to see what others think seeing as sister was so blase about it! Esp when I tried to explain in a nice way how important it is re child safety and she kept huffing and puffing like I was being totally unreasonable.

OP posts:

Melscorp · 26/02/2009 18:50

I would have gone MAD!!!!! I remember my Mum suggesting that I just hold the car seat in place when I visited her in Canada and I almost BLEW my top!!! I ended up going out the very next day and buying a brand new car seat for my daughter. The whole point of a car seat is to protect the child. I am surprised at your sister!!! I know how I felt when my Mum was blase!!! Surely this is a joke!!!

(I know it isn't)

2boys2 · 26/02/2009 19:51

i had a simular experience with a friend. Her sons seat belts were so loose so i tightened them and he started to cry (they werent to tight to make him cry!) and she said all panicked - oh you have made him cry now, to which my reply was and if we had crashed he would be killed as he would have been flung out of the seat - what would u prefere???

glitterstar88 · 26/02/2009 20:38

YANBU you need 3fingers width of space between back of infant carrier and back of frnt seat to be safe - according to the car seat safety center i use. I cant stand it when people put their childrens life at risk by not fitting seats properly. My sons aunty has just got a forward facing seat for her 5month old! If i say anything about it she wont listen.

CherryChoc · 26/02/2009 20:46

WHAT?? FFS, no, YANBU. Tell her it is illegal to drive with an incorrectly fitted car seat. I don't know whether it is but it should be. Or can you find videos on youtube etc with baby sized crash test dummies in incorrectly fitted seats?

curlygal · 26/02/2009 20:56

YANBU at all

I find it amzing that anyone would have a car seat that wasn;t fitted properly. It is probably more dangerous than no seat at all.

My Mum's (idiot) boyf suggested that he would "drive slowly" when DS's seat wouldn;t strap into his car. Seriously. I;d rather walk than put DS in a badly fitted car seat.

My numpty neighbours oftern drive around with their five year old on someones lap in the front seat

Melscorp · 27/02/2009 06:30

I am sorry, but the whole situation makes my blood boil!!! .

We as adults are supposed to safeguard our children. How difficult is it to secure a car seat???? It makes you wonder what they are doing with their brain!!!

insertwittynicknameHERE · 27/02/2009 10:31

YANBU, your sister is being bloody stupid, why wouldn't you take 5-10 minutes to find out how to correctly fit a car seat.

I have had people tell me I am OTT as I used a lot of time to find a rear facing car seat for my daughter who is now 15 mo. Weight wise she is still 'legal' in her size zero/stage one car seat. DD will be rear facing up to 3.5-4yo or longer depending on her weight.

DH and I don't even have a car but our rear facing the rear facing seat we got for DD takes all of 5 minutes to fit.

What is 5 minutes when it comes to your child's life.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 27/02/2009 10:33

Sorry I meant to carry on, we don't use the stage one seat anymore and stopped using it when DD was about 11 mo ish.

wotulookinat · 27/02/2009 10:34

Some people haven't bothered to find out how to correctly use car seats and put their child and themselves at risk as a result.

Insertwitty, I don't think you are being OTT at all. When I researched baby seats, I was told to keep your child in a stage 1 seat as long as possible, and that people are too hasty to get the next stage. As long as your child is within the weight range, and their head isn't over the back (the feet can be over the edge though), then it's fine. Stage 1 seats are the safest for a baby to be in.

Cloudspotter · 27/02/2009 10:35

To put it into perspective though, as kids we were all ferried around rattling round loose in the car with no seatbelt.

I'm not justifying your sister's actions, but the risk is hopefully very small.

Nabster · 27/02/2009 10:38

Kimi · 27/02/2009 10:52

YANBU, some people scare me on the roads.
We pulled up next to a car at traffic lights the other day that had 5 small children in the back none of them strapped in and the best bit was there was a baby asleep on the parcel shelf at the back, I thought it was a doll at first but it WAS a real baby.

I called the police and gave them the reg,make and direction of travel

Stupid people

insertwittynicknameHERE · 27/02/2009 11:18

The thing is cloudspotter, the roads were less busy back then, cars and other vehicles were not as powerful as they are now. Also there wasn't really such a thing as car seats then so if you wanted to use a car you had no option not to use a car seat.

The amount of people (my auntie and PIL) who have said to me, just put her on your knee we are only going up the road. I just tell them it is not an option, most accidents happen on short journeys.

wotulookinat · 27/02/2009 12:03

Yes, and most accidents happen within a mile of home as well, so you were right to say no.

suwoo · 27/02/2009 12:07

My next door neighbours don't drive and take a taxi every day with their 11 month old baby on their knee. It always makes me sad and cross, that they would put her in danger like this, every single day.

Simplysally · 27/02/2009 12:15

We had toddler seats which were bolted somehow in the car, basic but that's all there was in the late 60s, early 70s - when we got older, there were no child seats or even belts in the back but that's no excuse for doing that these days.

I think it is illegal to drive a car without correctly restrained people, which includes babies - and the person liable is the driver.

It might be worth having a word with your sister's partner to get him to show her how to fit the seat when he is not around - maybe your sister doesn't comprehend all the dangers, not being a driver herself.

girlywhirly · 27/02/2009 12:42

YANBU, this makes me very angry. Find some utube crash test videos and make her watch them, and explain that you will be responsible as the driver if there is an accident, does she want you to get into trouble? And does she really care so little about her child? Refuse to drive unless she learns how to fit the seat properly. I'm sure a branch of Halfords would be pleased to show her how.

I once saw a woman get into her mates car front passenger seat with the baby in car seat on her lap! She had the seat belt on, but the baby had nothing except the car seat it was in. The mate was driving. I wish I'd reported them at the time. The ignorant cow probably thought the car seat was just something to carry the baby about in.

I was a child in the 60's and go hot and cold at the thought of me loose in the back seat as we drove up the M1, and various baby relatives on laps in the front passenger seat.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 27/02/2009 16:38

It just doesn't bear thinking about the consequences of not having your niece (or any child) properly restrained in your car. I would not drive your sister anywhere with her DD until she knows how to use the seat correctly.

frazzledgirl · 27/02/2009 18:59

My neighbours actually gave up on fitting their car seat (I did it for them once but they 'just can't get the hang of it') and now carry an eight-month-old, unsecured, on their laps.

I have seriously considered reporting them to the police just in the hope they'll get a talking to. I haven't, because it's their child not mine. But I'll feel responsible if anything ever happens to the baby.

YANBU.

nomoreamover · 27/02/2009 19:01

YANBU - I too like others would have refused to drive her - car safety is priority

CherryChoc · 27/02/2009 19:04

Frazzledgirl please do say something, to your HV perhaps?

Video of crash test dummy baby on crash test dummy mother's lap

I can't find one of an improperly fitted car seat. Maybe you could take your sister to Halfords or Mothercare for a car seat fitting demonstration? They should be able to explain why it's important it is fitted correctly.

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