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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my only just 12 year old

21 replies

Illhavethisinsize12 · 26/02/2009 11:14

daughter should not be taught about oral sex in phsc

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 26/02/2009 11:15

boak

frogs · 26/02/2009 11:17

Would you prefer she heard about it in the playground instead? And then felt she couldn't discuss it with you or any other adult because she'd been given the message that it isn't something that should be talked about?

YABVU.

shabster · 26/02/2009 11:17

OMG my DS4 will be 12 in July!!! He giggled his way through the sex education last term - he will have a 'breakdown' if he is taught about oral sex.

I really think that is one step too far!

I still think they should find really young mums and get them to come into school when they are doing sex ed. Let them tell the kids the 'outcome' of having sex too young.

I am with you - you are NOT being unreasonable in any way, shape or form.

Coldtits · 26/02/2009 11:19

YABU.

How is she supposed to know what she is saying no to if nobody will tell her what it is?

I knew what oral sex was, and I also knew the slang terms for it, so when my boyfriend asked a fourteen year old me for a "blowjob" I felt well within my rights to tell him to fuck off.

shabster · 26/02/2009 11:20

I understand your point Frogs BUT they seem to just teach the 'mechanics' of things - not much is mentioned about emotions and the results of their actions.

Original poster

Illhavethisinsize12 · 26/02/2009 11:21

shabster that is how i felt. i am not against the basics but why the hell would oral need to be discussed at 12. there will always be those that think we should tell them everything at birth but i disagree. And yes.............i would prefer she come and talk to me about any worries, which is why she told me about it frogs

OP posts:

orangehead · 26/02/2009 11:23

In what way was she taught about oral sex? I remember at that age it briefly being mentioned that you can still catch some std from practising it

Original poster

Illhavethisinsize12 · 26/02/2009 11:23

we only have to see in the news today, teen pregnancies are on the rise.....all this eduction not working is it. what about loving relationships, respect for themselves and there bodies. waiting until they are older. we push all this info into them but they are still not getting any better. do they teach all this in other european countries???? do tehy have all the same problems??????

OP posts:

Original poster

Illhavethisinsize12 · 26/02/2009 11:24

orangehead..............what goes where!

OP posts:

orangehead · 26/02/2009 11:27

Some girls I went to school with viewed oral sex very differently from intercourse. They didnt think much of giving anyone a blow job and it was ok as along as they didnt have sex itself. No consideration of safety or self respect

tallulahbelly · 26/02/2009 11:30

Agree with Coldtits. You might not like it but there's no such thing as too much information when you're nearly a teenager.

My friend (15) was asked if she'd like to come outside for 'some blow'. She willingly went and gave the surprised and grateful boy a blowjob not realising he wanted to share a joint with her.

As you can probably tell, she had self esteem issues. But her parents must have been so proud that she didn't know anything about drugs.

Tamarto · 26/02/2009 11:30

YABU How else is she supposed to know?

orangehead · 26/02/2009 11:30

Well then yanbu. Fine if they explaining emotions, saftey and knowing what they might be consenting to. But they dont need to know the mechanics at that age

Splizzard · 26/02/2009 11:31

I think it really depends on the individual child....

Some children are much more mature than others at certain ages.

At 12 I knew what oral sex was, and by 13 I was doing it. Not because I was a "hussy" or because of sex ed but because its natural progression into adulthood and different teens go at different paces.

At the end of the day she needs to know these things. By the time I was having sex ed I was very educated already on everything I knew. I have a very close relationship with my mother and she told me everything I needed to know.

Having the information early meant that I knew what I was doing and what I was getting myself in for. I have never had an STI or unwanted pregnancy, nor have I had any negative sexual experiences. Had I not been given the information I probably still would have lost my virginity at 14 but probably under completely different circumstances.

I have spoken to young teens who are having sex but believe such myths as "if you have a bath after sex you wont get pregnant"

Or "only dirty people will give you an sti"

You can always request that your daughter is taken out of these classes but what good would it do? shes probably seen it on tv anyway!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 26/02/2009 11:31

Yes I do think my almost 12-year-old needs to be told in a straightforward way about oral sex and anything else relating to sex that she might otherwise get confused and misleading information about from her peers.
I think a lot of parents have no idea what some of their children know about. For instance DD (who is 11) came home and told me that another year seven boy had been calling her and her friend 'horny little sluts' in the corridor recently. As far as I can make out that kind of overtly sexual insulting of girls goes on all the time at school. If some boy starts going on about 'blowjobs' I think it is important that DD knows what he is talking about so ignorance doesn't make her vulnerable.
You need a certain level of objective knowledge to be able to stand up to it, and to be able to talk to an adult about what's happening.

orangehead · 26/02/2009 11:37

It might be worth chatting to the teacher, to find out exactly what what said. Obviously some mechanics need to be explained so the children understand what exactly the teacher is talking about. They might of then discussed other issues surrounding it, but its possible that your dd and her friends concentrated mainly on they first bit or were embarrased and laughing that they didnt hear the rest

hobbgoblin · 26/02/2009 11:40

In all these debates I do wonder what people think is going to happen as a result of knowing these things? I mean, what effect do you think this knowledge has? Is it the loss off 'innocence?

If so, is retention of such naivety more crucial than empowerment to protect? At age 12, parental role as protector is vastly different to that role when parenting a 6 year old and thus the 12 year old needs to be equipped with knowledge in order to fend for themselves accordingly.

And when is it okay to start saying goodbye to childhood innocence. Age of consent is only 4 years away so is informing them at 15 enough preparation?

Original poster

Illhavethisinsize12 · 26/02/2009 12:00

well i do worry where we are going to end up. these are children, yes 12 years old is a child. i am not a prude i just think we expect to much from our youth and look where its got us. i think it is very sad.

OP posts:

herbietea · 26/02/2009 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

squirrel42 · 26/02/2009 13:13

Some 12 year olds are already having sex. Therefore a 12 year old boy in your daughter's class may well ask her to have oral sex. Wouldn't you at least like her to know what he's asking her to do, so she is informed enough to say no or speak to you/a teacher about it?

Naivety will get you nowhere.

cory · 26/02/2009 13:15

When these questions come up I always think of my friend who was sexually abused because she didn't know the words for what she was agreeing to

I can't imagine teaching a 12yo about blowjobs will make most of them want to go out and do it. But I'd rather dd knew beforehand what it was if someone asked her for one in a few years time; can be very hard to back out once you have agreed to something, and some young people will agree rather than reveal their ignorance.

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